Wow! I just wanted to share - I just had an INCREDIBLE evening.

I have been dating someone since a few months after the divorce was final last year. He has made it clear that he isn't interested in being serious - he's divorced, and has had two serious relationships since then, and has decided that he likes being single. I am okay with that, at least for now. Why? Well, it's been less than a year since the divorce, and I can tell I most certainly am still dealing with the aftermath. I'm not ready to settle down again this quickly. I'm actually starting to enjoy being single again myself. And I know if I ever decide I do want a more serious relationship again, I'll have to look elsewhere.

But right now, it's nice to have a guy I can go out with, see a movie or watch a dvd, go get dinner, etc. And talk with. I had almost forgotten what it was like to actually carry on a conversation with a man. And we can talk about anything! Wow!

So he took me out for my birthday tonight. We went to Olive Garden (I love the place, but hardly ever got to go there - my ex had all kinds of food issues, most of which I think were really about him having control!) It was wonderful, and so was the company. He also got me several presents, including a small peridot teardrop pendant necklace. Wow again! I can't remember the last time someone bought me jewelry. My ex wouldn't - even when I pointed out to him something I really liked. He didn't enjoy buying jewelry, and while I am a "gadgets and electronics" person too, I'm still a woman, and jewelry once in a while is kind of nice.

I'm not sure why I felt the need to share all this - except it's just amazing to me. It's another case of how no matter how bad things seem when you are going through all this mess, it DOES get better again eventually.

And the thing is - I know a lot of people seem to think that it only gets better when you have someone else in your life again. But that isn't what this is about. It was a wonderful night, but it was nice not just because I had someone to spend it with, but because I felt worthy of having someone else treat me so well.

And I had another realization today. Yes, it was great that I had someone to take me out to dinner. But this is the first birthday in years where I didn't feel depressed all day, feeling like no one cared. My friends from my church praise and worship team had cake and flowers for me at band practice last night. I took cupcakes in to the class I was in today to celebrate. In years past, all I felt was depressed because I felt so lonely.

This year, I celebrated myself. Sometime during the day, I even thought about how I would feel if my date cancelled on me - and realized that it wouldn't matter. I'd just have gone out to dinner myself, or found another friend to go. And I knew that if that HAD happened, it wouldn't have been because he found something better to do - he doesn't treat me that way. He's actually nice, and thinks I'm intelligent, and things like that.

And I actually feel like I deserve having someone feel that way about me.

How different I feel on this birthday than I did on my last. I'm finally starting to feel like the old me again, someone I haven't been in a long, long time. I missed me. I wasn't allowed to be me for years now. I feel free.

I didn't want to be divorced - still hate the idea that I am. But.... it's what I needed. And I feel better than I have for years. Which is a little scary. I'm feeling this good, but I know I am still dealing with depression (sleep problems, problems getting up in the morning, problems concentrating, problems a lot of times just making myself do things.) But I'm working on the depression, and that's why I say it's a little scary. If I feel this much better, and know I am still dealing with depression, what will it be like if I manage to eliminate the depression? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Sorry if that was kind of rambling. But I wanted to share. I know other people have said it before, but I wanted to give another example - it does get better. Keep working at it. The pain does start to subside, and if you work on getting your life and yourself together, it can be downright wonderful again. Even without the ex. There's still a lot of damage here to heal, but I can see that it WILL heal, if I just let it, and keep trying.

Sounds very encouraging, both for you personally, and for others wondering about life after the big D.

Good for you.

Thanks for sharing, it is good to know that things get better eventually.

Thank you for posting that! I am so glad to hear that you are happy!!! And that's thier is a light at the end of the tunnel.

Wow, even more happened this weekend!

My ex decided to show up at church with OW. They have been on-again, off-again... not too long ago they were broken up, but I guess this week it is back on again. (I know they were broken up because of something he posted in a newsgroup.)

Everyone at church was really concerned for me...prepared to go into protection mode. But you know, it didn't matter. Oh, I think he is completely tacky and classless for not only coming there, but bringing her. It was the church I belonged to years before I even met him, and he didn't start coming until he came with me. Also, I am VERY involved in a lot of things there, and most people there barely even knew him. Add to it that he now lives about a 2 hour drive from that church. You mean he can't find another one?

Still... I cry very easily. But not a tear Sunday. I didn't even bother me to see them back together again. Not only is my life better, but from everything I've found out lately, them being together is just punishment for him. The message he posted in the newsgroup was asking how early in pregnancy was it possible to determine who the father is, because his ex (not me, the OW) just found out she was expecting, and didn't know if he was the father or if the "other guy" was. Boy, that sounds like a wonderful relationship, well worth throwing away an 11 year marriage with a very loving and faithful wife, right? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

I figure he was probably there to try and get ahold of me. I don't answer his e-mails, I changed my home and cell numbers so they don't have them anymore, because they were making extremely harassing and threatening phone calls, and I have caller id and voice mail on the phone at work (an unshared line). I make good use of those features, and don't call him back. Church is the one place he knows exactly where and when to find me. He still wants things from the house, even though everything has been settled and he got everything to which he was entitled. When they are split up, he leaves me alone. When they are together, he starts bugging me about it again... she seems to be pretty much a gold-digger, and I have no doubt she is riding him constantly about how he didn't get enough in the divorce.

Thing is, he didn't end up even trying to come and bug me about it. Why? Well, I was confused about that at first, until I found out something after service.

My family was in town this weekend, and they came to church. It's a big church, and they hadn't seen him there, so I figured he hadn't seen them either. But after service, my sister said that during closing prayer, they were right behind the guy giving the prayer, and the camera that displays on the big screens in front were on him. Evidently you could see all of them big as anything on the screen (I can't see the screens at that time, because I'm up front at the keyboard.) I had looked over at him just as we started the prayer, and noticed he was looking very intently at the screens. My guess is, he got a really big surprise when he did! And he knows my family is all extremely angry at him - probably more than I got in all this. My mom never really liked him, and I really do think he's kind of afraid of her.... probably with good reason.

My guess is that them being there kind of ruined his plans for harrassing me more about getting more stuff. Instead, he high-tailed it out of there with his tail between his legs.

The only other thing I can think of is that he thought it would be "safe" to come - that I wouldn't be there. I recently had to send him an e-mail to tell him he needed to get my address off his domain name entry, since he doesn't live here anymore and I don't want my address associated with the domain name he has. When I sent it, I sent it from my hotmail account, which I don't really use anymore, rather than my regular e-mail address. I didn't want him responding back to the e-mail I really use, and figured getting it from my hotmail would help. But I'm thinking he might have thought that I had moved back by my family, since I wasn't using my address associated with my provider out here, and the one other time he showed up at church, I wasn't there that day.

Whatever the case, I didn't get upset. I almost found it amusing, in fact. I let him intimidate me for so long about all kinds of things, but when I saw him yesterday, all I saw was a sad, pitiful, petty little man who chose a life of deceit, and who now has that life coming back to bite him.

I'm doing great now, and he's a cheater stuck with a cheater who's now cheating on him!!!