My husband of 9 years told me last week that there is no longer any hope for our marriage and he wants out. He spoke with a lawyer and has made an offer on a house, all without my knowledge. I am in love with my husband and remain committed. I have tried meeting emotional needs as described within this website but so far he remains single minded about leaving. Today he told me has never been given the opportunity to be the "man of our house" and he feels disrespected and used. There is truth in his statement, I am 10 years older than he is so during his 20s I did carry the family financially and emotionally. Now I need to know 1)how do I bring him into that role? 2)if I am vested and he isn't can I bring him into that role 3)how do I change the way my older teenagers relate to him i.e. less as a friend and more as an authority figure. We have an 8 year old daughter so saving this marriage is of critical importance to my entire family and I will do anything to keep my family together.

Do you know if there's another woman involved, and the excuses are just a cover?

Jody, Jaye asked an important question. His sudden desire for divorce suggests there's someone else involved. My STBXWH is an addict/alcoholic, so for the early years of our relationship, I took on most of the responsibility. When he got sober, he expressed this same issue, so I bent over backwards to let him take on as much responsibility as he wanted. He not only took over, but then kept a lot of stuff secret from me. When I questioned him, he got angry that I wasn't trusting him.

My point is that sometimes these "issues" can be used as smokescreens to hide what's really going on. That doesn't mean there's not some truth to it, but why is it only your responsibility and why is divorce the solution??

Try The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle.