I just talked to my attorney, for those who don’t know, I’ve basically been in court since my divorce. We had our final hearing about 6-8 weeks ago and the Judge made his ruling. And my attorney and I are both pretty much in shock. I just can’t believe it. I’m officially a weekend daddy. Yes, I’ve made mistakes along the way but this is just freaking crazy. I can’t believe that our system of Justice lacks what its name implies. I could put out the whole laundry list of the mother’s skeletons but it doesn’t matter, Justice is blind or at least my Judge is and his Order is what it is.

I truly lack the wisdom to find any wisdom in this at all right now. I’m tired of fighting. I’m tired of doing the right thing when everyone else seems to get away with the opposite. Right now I’m not following my own advice and I’m allowing this to rule my emotion. I’m angry beyond words. I’m hurt beyond measure.

If you know me, you know this isn’t about what’s freaking FAIR because this case is the exact opposite of that. I don’t seek fairness, I just want what’s best for my girls and this isn’t. Someone once referred to me as a pillar of strength and consistency, well right now I simply feel weak and formless. It’ll sink in, I’ll accept it, and move but man, right now life in Kansas sucks…..

You are so right about justice not always being just or fair.

I don't know what's going on but I know one thing. You love your girls dearly.

I wish I had more words but I don't. I'm wageing my own war right now. I have no strength or energy left. None.

((((((Bill))))))

Bill,
I'm so sorry.
I do not know your story very well. I know you always reply with wise advice for people

I know from a couple others on there that I have come to like, that they think highly of you.
So with that, I know that you are a decent person.

If I can say one thing, I guess it would be that one day your girls will be of an age that they can speak more for themselves. They may stand up and request more time with you, if not more permanent.
I know that is little to give you right now when your hurting, but it's possible.

Take care of yourself, and enjoy every minute you have with your girls.

K.

I'm sorry you are going through this. I'm not sure about your situation. (((LH)))

LH, I'm so sorry you weren't granted more time with your children. The courts aren't really just. We've all seen that.
In my case, my X has more than he can handle (thank God his mom and GF help him parent).
There are so many great guys on these boards who deserve so much more than they have.
Know that in the end, God is just. There may be a reason for this ruling, and you just can't see it.

God Bless you, your family, and FHL.

I'm sorry that you are unhappy with the outcome of your girls custody.

Try to remain calm - and maybe your XW and you can work out somethings so if you have week days that are important to you and the girls - she'll be flexible..and giving..like a wonderful mother should be..


Cyber Hugs....

I am sure after all calms down, things will change. I feel the same way that you do about our justice system. How the heck can a judge who really doesn't know each individual make a decision on what is best?

I wish there was more that I could say. I don't know the whole situation but maybe when the dust settles things will change??? Maybe your wife will be more willing and give you more time?

Can you appeal this decision?

{{{Hugs}}}}

Ali~

How sad! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />

Thank y’all for your support.

<small>[ March 15, 2005, 11:05 AM: Message edited by: LostHusband ]</small>

Thank y’all for your support. And I know it’s hard to offer support without knowing the whole story. But quite honestly I don’t have the time or energy to get into that. But I will say that those who know of my story will say that “flexibility” and “cooperation” are not in my X’s vocabulary.

Oh…… And FYI these statements:

“””she'll be flexible..and giving..like a wonderful mother should be..”””

and

“””Maybe your wife will be more willing and give you more time?”””

In no manner describe how she was, is, or will be. Sad but true. She has continually taken steps to ensure that the courts raise our daughters, as long as she gets paid.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> And I know it’s hard to offer support without knowing the whole story. But quite honestly I don’t have the time or energy to get into that. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I really understand what you are saying here!! I am feeling that way right now. I'm sorry to hear that your x isn't easy to work with <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> . That I also understand <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> It's not easy at all and I'm very sorry.

(((((((((((Billy))))))))))))
I love you, honey.

"The wicked plot against the righteous and gnash their teeth at them; but the Lord LAUGHS at the wicked, for her knows their day is coming. The wicked draw the sword and bend the bow...to slay those whose ways are upright. But their swords will PIERCE THEIR OWN HEARTS, and their bows will be broken, but the Lord upholds the righteous." Psalm 37: 12-15

Just think about this and insert you-know-who's name in place of "the wicked".

Thank you all for supporting Billy, he is truly the best father I have ever seen in my life. His XW truly is wicked, as she demeans her 15 year old daughter's belief in God and will not allow her to talk to her father except at the "court-appointed" time of day. A 15 year old who can't even call her own father if she needs to talk about a problem or just say hi! My XWH did terrible things to me, yet I allow him to talk to his daughters whenever he or they wish. She is a sick woman.

BUT, Billy, just think about it this way. When those girls finally can make their say count, she will never be able to blame you or the courts or anyone else when they don't want to be with her anymore. She will know (though she won't show it) that it was HER and HER alone who alienated her daughters.

(((((((((((((((((((BILLY)))))))))))))))))))))

Bill, I think many of us longtimers remain on MB because of the following : </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> “flexibility” and “cooperation” are not in my X’s vocabulary.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">As much as we try to use MB principles to improve our communication and our lives, sometimes we can't get through to others.
I feel the same as your quote. If only all parent's were concerned about the best interest of the kids, then so much more could be done.

God bless you for blending a family of soon to be 5 children. Wow, that must take alot.

It aint over yet, you will see that the X will give you much more time with the kids over time. She will let you have the kids on her days, here and there, make sure you keep a calender and mark the days you have them. Next year or sooner you can go to mediation and reccomend more time if you want it legaly. Dad's are 2nd class citizens, woman are put on a pedestal in the legal system. Dont think of it as the "Justice System", it isnt, ita based on a bias and political correctness. Lawyers? they are always shocked, every case they lose they say that, its their job to lie and twist facts, every case they say they have never seen anything like that. I had the same weekend scedule deal and now i have 50% time. My ex lied through her teeth and got what she wanted, but over time i got extra time and when the wife wanted more money i dropped the BOMB and explained i have the child much more time then the X states, here is my calender with the child, case over i got more time and paid less.

Bill, adding my thoughts and sympathy..... I too was at the hands of the courts and the lawyers that uphold the Female is the Prime Custodial Carebearer for children..... My ex could give a rats a$$ about that..... her main motive was control and money.....

And she made statements.... just like " I will give him as much time as he wants with the children !!!!! BullHockey!!!!! It never happened......

Yea sure, she will soften as time goes on.... BullHockey again !!!! She could give a rats a$$ about the time you get.... believe me... I have been through this for the last 3 years !!!!

Yep, weekend dad.... thats what we are reduced to.... it is all a bunch of Crap and you have every right to be mad.... I still am..... I love my girls probably the same as you do.... they were my life and my love.... and what makes it harder they are teenagers so when they are with me they are not with me.... if you know what I mean....

The system needs change !!!!!! I would suggest you get online and look for some of the Fathers as Parents groups and help us to unseat the hold the Feminist have on the System throughout the country !!!! I have found it to be a big help and that if I can help the next guy to not have to go through what you and I have gone through then it IS WELL WORTH IT !!!!!

I'm so sorry to hear this, Bill. I wish my ex was half the dad you are. Your love will see them through.

(((hugs)))

Bill:

www.deltabravo.net

Father's/non-custodial parents rights web site.

I can answer questions for you if you have any - I've been around the custody system for 18 years now...

sunnyva39@hotmail.com

I just want to send out my good vibes to you...I know it's hard to be a good father in this day even without all the other problems mixed in...

I will say though the woman doesn't always win, I have custody of all 4 of mine, well, 2 are mine biologically and 2 are hers from previous relationships but I've raised since the age of 2 and 3 (now 15 and 16)...

My EX thought briefly about trying to keep the kids but I told her I would make every waking moment a living hell if she thought for one second she was taking them.

I don't make threats, I make promises and she knows it, so that was the last peep about the kids...plus kids interfere with the fantasy bubble you know.

There is a reason my EX walked away from the kids Billy, and believe it or not, there is a reason things turned out the way they did in court for you. Personally, I think your EX is going to knock 'em off one at a time like most cheating EX's do, you'll find out soon enough that she is driving them away and really pi**ing them off.

True, selfless love always shines through in the end and your daughters will know who provided that for them and who didn't.

My kids know, your kids will know too.

Stay strong and be ready for the late night phone calls telling you to come get one or the other before long.

RebornMan

My long-legged midwest man,

I am so sorry you are hurting so much. You know as well as I do that there are no words I can tell you that will comfort you or make this better. BUT, I can say that you are one of my dearest best friends and probably the single best dad I have ever met in my whole life (and I know EVERYBODY!). Bill, this isn't about what kind of man you are, mistakes you've made, or father you've been. This is completely about IG being--well at the risk of slipping into profuse profanity, let's just say she is cold, hard-hearted and selfish. It is about the evil that dwells within her, not the love and gentleness that is within you. Okay??

Now, regarding giving up...I suggest you do just that. Give it right on up to God. Give it to Him, 'cuz dude He holds you and your lovely girls in His hands. He's still going to be there to protect them, and it's HIS to have anyway. Give your broken heart to Him, and your lovely girls, and just EVERYTHING and let Him comfort you too in ways that none of us even can.

I love ya, BB.

Your short-legged wild west cowgirl.


CJ

Dang it (((CJ))), I had made it through the whole day without crying over this till I read your words, thank you and I mean that, thank you.

And thanks to all who've responded, your thoughts, words, & prayers are a tremendous crutch for me to carry the weight when I'm too tired to do it alone.

It will be OK, this much I do know. My perspective will come back. We will be back in court within the next 6 months to try and change custody of my then 16yo, who's been wanting to live with me since day one. She will have her day.

I love y'all....

LH,

I have had a few friends that experienced what I am going to mention. Every time they found someone after their W's left them, the exW took them to court for more support and money. When they married, the exW took them to court to reduce their time with their children AND raise the support payments.

The trend was pretty obvious after awhile, it was that although the exW's wanted out of the marriage, they did NOT want their exH's to be happy and they did everything they could to make sure that happened. The sad thing was that the court system helped them do this without the slightest regard to what was really best for the children or fair to the person abandoned to begin with.

Chalk this up to exW getting more revenge for what SHE did. But as others have said, she will pay a price sooner than she realizes. She will have to face the children and explain why she did what she did and why she broke up the family, and why she kept them away from you.

Hang in there and enjoy FHL04. "This too shall pass."

God Bless,

JL