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#790155 11/27/00 09:16 PM
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I've written letters to this other woman that was in my husband's life many times. I've never mailed any of them. I'm just waiting for the best time to mail the right letter off to her. But in the meantime, I'll express what I feel to you other spouses out there:<P>Dear fallen saint,<P>It's been a few weeks since our first encounter with the baby and you. I guess by now you've gathered that the first meeting didn't go the way you wanted. Trust me, it didn't go the way my husband wanted either. Before I get into the meat of this letter, I need to apologize for not opening my mouth to speak to you that day. You see, at that very moment I saw you, I felt the venom and disgust of all the wives who have ever been betrayed by their husbands and desparate other women. I'm sure you felt my disgust. Is that why you couldn't manage to look me in the eye? I know the look on my face told the story. They say that the eyes are the window to the soul. You don't have to tell me, I know you looked into my eyes and saw the depths of hell. It was at that very moment that I knew I had to find a way to get the venom out of my system without intentionally hurting you emotionally, or for that matter, planning to hurt you physically. <BR>But I've got to forgive you in order to re-dedicate my life to my master. I've got to let go of the enemie's agenda of stealing, killing and destroying. You see, if I don't let it go, he'll destroy me too. He's already done a splendid job of hiding my joy from me, but I refuse to let him steal it. <BR>You may wonder why I addressed this letter to a fallen saint. Well, I've listened to a variety of Gospel and Christian music lately. There's one song in particular that has caught my attention, because it's helped me to heal my damaged emotions as a result of my husband's betrayal. The song states that a saint is just a sinner who fell down...but they didn't stay down, they got back up. Wow. Perhaps I can begin to see you in the same light. <BR>But before I can see you in the same way, I have to forgive you. I've learned that there is a process for forgiveness. I'll let you know what you did...then I'll let you know you owe me...then I'll cancel your debt, because I know it's one you can't repay.<BR>I could sit here and list every way in which you've hurt me. I could get down to the most intricate detail of how this hellish nightmare has interupted my life, from my finances, to my sex-life. Not to mention my own faith. But no. I'll let the Word navigate me through this maze of pain and healing. I don't want my own perception of what you did to be questioned or to be up for dispute. Those feelings and thoughts are private, and they're mine. No, what I'll do is express your betrayal in terms of what God says you did. That way, if you want to deny the charge against you, you'll have to search long and hard in the bible to justify what you did. Good luck.<BR>Simply put, you forgot to love. This is the second greatest commandment. Loving God is the first. I may not live next door to you, but I am your neighbor. You see, you didn't love me very much when you slept with my husband. You didn't even love him, but he'll have to address that with you. No, you put yourself first. You decided that you would make sure your needs were met. You knew he was married, regardless of how damaged our relationship was. I know, it sounds silly and old-fashioned. But think about it, what would have happened if you had for once thought about this lying, hurt, angry, lonely, misguided man's wife first? Did you do to me what you would want someone to do to you? <BR>No. Your actions and motives weren't golden like the rule...your actions and motives were tarnished, rusted, mildewed and down-right abrasive. <BR>You owe me. What should you render to satisfy your debt? Your reputation? Should I try to trash your reputation with your family and friends? Or maybe you owe me money...can you calculate child support for the next 18 years and send me a money order (your check is not good here)? How about handing over your child to me since you slept with my husband and after all, according to the bible, we are one flesh. So what's his is mine...<BR>I have a better idea, how about you ask my forgiveness and banish yourself from our lives? No, you can't even do me that simple justice. You'll be in my peripheral vision for at least the next 18-21 years. What a sentence!<BR>You owe me. But you can't pay me. So should I wait around forever until you can satisfy the debt? Should I put you on a repayment schedule so you could slowly earn my forgiveness? No. To do so would put my life on hold. Simply put, your debt is cancelled. I forgive you. Not with a warm, loving heart. Not with a desire to be your friend. I forgive you and need to move on so we can establish comfortable boundaries and a healthy respect for one another.<BR>I hope you can eventually accept my forgiveness. It will probably take you some time because it seems you don't think you've done anything wrong. <BR>I'm sure we'll be in contact again. My husband's involvement with his child will require it. Until then, get back up!<BR>

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Wow!<P>That letter really cut to the core..Can I use it? I'm not creative enough..and even though I am a Christian and believe in divine forgiveness and acceptance, no matter what..I dont think I'm there yet. I cannot let go of what the OW has done to me and my family. I pray every minute, every second of the day, hoping for some relief of this pain. I take it by your letter that you and your H have reconciled...My H is still living with the OW and her illegitmate child by yet another married man and their "love child"..I cannot get her grips off of him long enough to talk to him..He owes me an explanation...but she wont allow him within 10 feet of me. I keep praying and hoping that things will change and look better..and maybe sometime soon, I will see the light at the end of the tunnell...Even if you never send that letter..I admire you and your courage...God bless you!<BR>AloneandSad<P>------------------<BR>

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Matthew, your letter makes my heart ache. I am so sorry for your pain.<P>Please don't send this letter. Give it to your H. He is the one to share your pain with. Giving the OW this much of you is too much. She doesn't deserve to know how much you have hurt and would only most likely gloat over it. She is heartless, as they all are. The OW I am dealing with knows my pain and she doesn't care. She only is focusing on herself and what she thinks will make her happy. People that stupid cannot comprehend a letter like this. <P>Take care... Carolyn

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Matthew,<BR>This letter is OUTSTANDING. The eloquence by which you expressed yourself is so real. Your letter mirrors my thoughts and it must have been wonderful to get those thoughts on paper. I agree you should let your husband read it perhaps he can see the depths of all the pain this has brought you. A beautiful heart-wrenching letter. Thank you so much for sharing it with us.

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Matthew, Your letter brings tears to my eyes right now. I'm speechless (and that's saying a lot for me!) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Your letter catches the essence of everything that I've ever felt about my entire situation with my H and the skank he slept with. Even if you don't send it, thank you for sharing it with the rest of us!! (OW is probably too stupid to understand the depth of your letter anyway...or she probably can't even read!) [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] Anyway, thank you so much for sharing. God bless you as you make your way through this maze, like the rest of us.<P>Comfort<P>------------------<BR>Remember the sunshine when the storm seems unending...

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Thank you so much for sharing that letter. It helped me realize so much about forgiveness. I wish I could send that letter to the OW in my life but I can't. Or maybe I can. As I was typing I realized that maybe she needs someone to help her see what a gift I am giving her. She is a "christian". I don't think any of the people in her life have held her accountable for her actions. They are just "loving and supporting" her no matter how much she has screwed up.<BR>Thanks for getting me thinking...

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Matthew,<BR>It's a great letter, but I agree with takingcare, that sharing it w/your H is the most appropriate! I cannot TELL you how many many times I have written or thought letters to the XOW and 2 years down the road I'm glad I never sent any of them. She doesn't deserve to know anything more intimate about my H or I than she already does and she wouldn't "get it" anyway. Keep her a long, long pole-length away! We keep politely businesslike and it works!<P>Jenny, 2+ years--woohoo!

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Dear Matthew6:14,15,<P>It is a very touching letter and it shows how you have thought of forgiveness and possibly even arrived at forgiveness, and the reward is wholeness.<P>I have never thought of writing to the witch OW even though it wanted to sit and talk shop. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] <P>Basically, I don't have an OC and I don't want to give her an upperhand by baring MY SOUL, especially the pain and torment and anguish because I know that the witch will only laugh gleefully at the damage she had wrecked. Her tactics and messages have indicated that as long as she cannot have what she covets, nobody should be happy.<P>Writing the letter is catharsis and you should do that more often if that is a way to deal with the hurts. But show them to your H or make a journal and leave that for him to read.<P>God bless you<BR>weep

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Dear Matthew,<P>I echo the thoughts of the others -- you are truly blessed to have been able to rationalize and find forgiveness in your heart. I am still searching for that sense of wholeness and I pray every day that one day I will be able to find it.<P>Share the letter with your H, as the others have said. I doubt the OW would understand or appreciate the extraordinary gift that she would be receiving by receiving your forgiveness.<P>God bless you<BR>- Heavenly

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You have said everything in that one letter that I have been feeling for month's now. I am so impressed with you letter that I have looked for so many ways to sue, get revenge, whatever pops into my head at that given moment. And what really bothered me most was that she had me questioning my faith in God. I will hold on just knowing that there is someone else out there who feels my pain.<P>------------------<BR>

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Terrific heartfelt letter Matthew.<BR>I wouldn't share it w/her.<BR>Lord knows in my situation "she" already knows me personally as she and H were our friends.<BR>At one time in June,I jokingly asked her for "viagra" to put in my H drink cuz I hadn't had "it" in about a month cuz the poor man was in a lawsuit and distracted!<P>She KNEW she was distraction.I feel like an [censored].It was something innocent I shared with my "friend" UGH!!!!!!!<BR> Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

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Thank you for sharing your letter. So many of your thoughts are ones that I wish I could feel. I'm having a hard enough time forgiving my H, I can't even imagine trying to forgive the OW. I hope you don't mind but I copied it because it was inspiring to me and I feel that when I feel I can't forgive, I can read this letter and hopefully find the "peace" that you have.

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To all of you,<BR>Thanks so much for your kind and WISE responses. [Linked Image from marriagebuilders.com] I get a since of satisfaction in knowing that there are other spouses of dignity and strength dealing with the same issue, but have found this alternative for dealing with the day-to-day pain. <BR>By all means, use it in any way that will promote your healing. That's partially why I wrote it. It does feel good to be able to get it off your chest. I had every plan to send this letter off at a later date. This is the first time I've been back to the site in a while. You are all right. She doesn't deserve to know, nor will she ever understand my agony. <BR>God Bless to you ALL!! Have a wonderful Christmas. <BR><P>------------------<BR>To forgive is to set a prisoner free and discover the prisoner was you.

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Dear Mat,<P> I hope NSR is following this thread. Your letter should be included in the "Notable Posts" section. <P> Awesome!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR><P>Gregg

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Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, OOH that letter was something ealse, yes you hurry up and send the o/w that letter . because if it was me that wa the o/w I would feel really stupid,small,dirty, and ashamed...you really cut her down is a sweet and kind way, I have to pray that I will beable to except things and get my anger out just like you did, because like they say kindness is what kills.. you can kill a person with kindness. Now with that letter, I need to make a copy of it and send it to the other woman that my husband was fooling with, as a matter of a fact I will... you don't mind do u....?<BR>Thank You in advance,,,,,.......<BR> Senteouseme....

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Matthew, Matthew, Matthew, OOH that letter was something ealse, yes you hurry up and send the o/w that letter . because if it was me that wa the o/w I would feel really stupid,small,dirty, and ashamed...you really cut her down is a sweet and kind way, I have to pray that I will beable to except things and get my anger out just like you did, because like they say kindness is what kills.. you can kill a person with kindness. Now with that letter, I need to make a copy of it and send it to the other woman that my husband was fooling with, as a matter of a fact I will... you don't mind do u....?<BR>Thank You in advance,,,,,.......<BR> Senteouseme....


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