<BR>kkeo,<P>If you're in Calfornia the courts will require a parenting plan before granting a divorce. They will also assign custody and child support. You can agree to make it low, but they won't approve of setting it at zero. So he's going to be ordered to pay CS. Further, the courts will review the conduct of the parties prior to divorce. Stuff like taking off with assets doesn't go over well. Frankly, he won't do well in divorce. I'm quite surprised he's so adamant about it.<P>Bystander

Forgive me if I'm wrong kkeo but I am beginning to think that your H is looking at this as a way out of your marriage. You gave him a reason and he is going to use it to his benefit. Before this happened was he committed to your relationship? Was he loving and attentive? It just doesn't make sense to me.<BR>

kkeo,<BR>I have been waiting to hear more of your situation before I replied. I think leelee is on to something. I kinda thought that from your first post. So sorry this has happened to you. Let us know more of what was going on before the affair. You will be in our prayers. with love flowerseed <BR><p>[This message has been edited by flowerseed (edited March 07, 2001).]

Leelee and Flowerseed -<P>Our relationship was Ok. I wouldn't say it was the best. Well, my H doesn't work ever since we got married. Well, I take it back, he was working part-time doing Helpdesk at school and going to school part-time. His job just basically pays for his school. I didn't mind cuz I want him to be educated and for him to get a degree. So, last year, I was fustrated with work and him ignoring me. He was so focused on his schoold and totally ignoring me. When he has extra time, he spends sitting in front of the TV. I was pissed and upset. It went on for a while ... So, at the same time, I fell so distance from my H. My ex-co-worker which is OM, lifted me up. That's how I began the affair. I talked and email OM everyday...but after D-Day I quit. I saw OM 2 times for dinners to straighten things out and told H about it as well. He was of course even more pissed when he found out I still see OM but I told him nothing went on we just had dinner and I told him to back off ... I think if my H noticed me more and shows caring for me, it wouldn't happened.<P>I trusted my H. He said he doesn't have his eyes on anyone else beside me and school and I believe that too. He was my first BF and same thing for me to him. We were both virgin when we got married. I can totally understand how he's felling now. I'm not feeling any better than he is...<P>I don't know if I want him to support my baby. I know that we both created this but he never wants to be part of this. Ever since, I became pregnant, he either told me to get abortion or he's not responsible for it. So you see, how can I take the support from him when all along he doesn't want to part of her life. He's putting the blame to her as well. He said I kept the baby to make his life miserable.<BR>

kkeo, i really think that your H is using your affair to get out of the marriage. maybe before he had thought about it but didn't want to because he wanted to try to make things work. but now, he has an excuse most people would support him on and it makes you the bad guy so to speak. the easy way out. that is why i wondered when i first posted as to whether you guys had had problems in the past.<P>i wondered from your name if you had any connection to hawaii. i grew up there, graduated from h.s. there in 1993. i am homesick. what is your connection? your H from there?<P>i will pray that god will help you make the right decision and that you can learn to live with whatever happens. god bless you.<P>happy_girl

kkeo, I have to agree with the others who have posted about using your affair to get out of the marriage. Whether or not your H wanted or wants your child it is his as you said from a DNA test and he is responsible to support her. My H did not want our OC but he has to support him and he is made to do so by the law. Please do not totally push out that option for yourself, your child deserves it and may need it. I was talking to my H earlier this evening about your situation to get a man's view point and he said exactly what many of the others have that he thought your H may be using it as an excuse to leave. I am sorry to have to agree and I know it may hurt, I do hope that this is not the case, but you should consider it to be so. I wish I could be more of a help to you. I really do wish you the best and will keep you in my prayers for much happiness, please do your best to give your new little one all the love you can. She is your gift and the best thing that has come out of all this, children are a gift and if your H will not see this he will be the loser. Gabi1116