Hello Again,

I've written to MB for the past 3 years now whenever I was confronted with a problem I couldn't handle. I was always led in the right direction by everyone and I hope it happens again.
Well, ever since I can remeber, my H has had an obsession with money. I always just blew it off just as long as we able to get by. But recently it's been changing. He is in total control of the finances, and know that's my first mistake, but I don't feel confidant enough to handle them on my own. WHen he would go overseas for 6 months I would HAVE to handle them, but it was different because he wasn't there to talk me into or OUT OF anything.
What I mean is, everytime he is about to purchase something a bit pricey I ask him if he's sure about it. His famous answer is "Don't worry about it." And unfortunately I wouldn't. That's where the trouble would start. Bad checks treated like they were nothin', car repo's(twice),electric..water..cable..phone etc. turned off more than once. The list goes on.
At one point, we were just moving back to FL after 3 years in MD and I came back first with my son. I was house and job hunting until it was time for my H to transfer. Well, during one of my job hunts, I was told I needed fingerprints taken in order to do a background test. Well, I 've done it before with no prblem so why not. I dropped my son off with my parents and told them I'd be right back. Well...I was wrong. 2 years before (trusting my H again) I wrote a check at the grocery store after he told me it was OK. Well it wasn't. The check bounced and was never taken care of. I had no idea and let 2 yrs pass without paying it. Needless to say, the store put a warrant out for my arrest, and when i innocently went to the police station to have my prints done I was ARRESTED!!! I had to stay in jail overnight until my parents could bail me out!
When I brought it up with my H over the phone the following night all he could say was I'm so sorry, but I thought they'd never go through with it! That occured 3 years or so ago, and now I think there may be another warrant for yet another bad check for groceries! He says he took care of it, but who knows.
Next, I was awarded $36,385 from my moms Social Security in Jan of this year. I thought for sure that this would turn everything around. I was wrong again. I WAS keeping track of our new bank account and logging every penny spent, but then he started getting secretive again. I asked him why the account online was different than what was in my checkbook. He said "not to worry about it" because it was just some football cards he was buying from Ebay that didn't cost much. Well they added up very quickly. And after paying realatives, and past due bills back, my money was getting sucked away. The only thing that was getting me through it was the $10,000 that we shoved into a savings account. Well I was so happy to finally have that much money safely put away for a down payment on a new house (eventually) but I just came to find out that he has been dipping into that too and it's GONE! We are back to living paycheck to paycheck.
We have a new Ford Mustang that I was told was given to him at a great rate with no money down and just a trade in. Well I found out that they were expecting him to put $1500 down on it and $500 more for tax and title! He gave them the $500 CHECK knowing damn well we didn't have it! Needless to say it bounced and they are trying to take the car back but he keeps parking it the garage so they won't take it overnight. I also wrote 2 checks out to my son's daycare after being told that it was OK. It wasn't, my son is not allowed to return until $462 is paid in cash! The landlord keeps calling because they recieved a bad check as well!
The worst part about it, is that he has NOTHING to show for it all! NOTHING!!! He does use Ebay A LOT and I know he buys thins on there without asking because boxes just appear on my doorstep everyday! It used to be sports cards, but now it's Mustang toys for his car! You know...THE CAR THAT HE IS NOW HIDING!!! I know many of you are going to write in saying that it's all my fault for not taking finances over, but he will always find a way to talk me into buying something. It's happened before. And I'm afraid to keep saying no because I might push him away! What on earth should I do!? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" />

<small>[ June 22, 2003, 02:57 PM: Message edited by: Coming to my senses ]</small>

I am sorry for you.
he has a compulsive disorder.

you NEED to get the money situation away from him
and give him an allowance separate from household monies..

he needs his own checking account..and learn to spend it wisely..

maybe get himm on some lamactal and prozac..
to help stabalize him so he isn't always spending.

there is a way to see if any more warrants are out on you..go to the sherrifs dept and police dept and explain your situation..

you need to hide money in an account right now..
to keep yourself able to pay utilities..
you need to keep him from accessing the account so make it in your name only.

do not give him passwords..do not leave any checks laying around..and watch your purse he will take one and you won't know it..they take them from the back...so you won't miss it..

this is a hard problem to deal with..
it is a compulsion..like other things and is hard to stop..so you need to talk to a therapist..

you need to see what checks are left outstanding with telcheck and see if your name is on them..your signature..if it is with your signature you will be arrested..not nice..
didn't you know it was weird..to have your fingerprints done at JAIL..??? I mean come on..at the place your shopping sure..but get in a car..go to police..

IT might be necessary to separate from him if he gets violent..where is the source of money coming in now from..

I was suprised to see your mom got that large
amount from social security..that does not seem right..

for why? did she get that? you can report that to social security..he did that..that is ELDER ABUSE..they will deal with him on that one..and you won't have to ever worry about him doing it again..

actually if he got picked up and humiliated as you did..I wonder what he would do..

talk to an abuse counselor at a women care shelter..you are gonna soon find yourself out on the street if you don't get something done with...him and his problem..geeez...this can be serious..soon..for you.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
do not have joint accounts.or your name on anything of his..or vice versa......
I think you need legal help..from womens shelter..really..get help fast..this is not right.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

ARE you willing to go to jail for him?
by groceries and pay cash for things..do not use checks..geee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

, I was awarded $36,385 from my moms Social Security in Jan of this year.

why would they award you this amount..?????I never heard of social security doing this..????

Because the emotional needs section runs so quickly, I'm linking you to the responses there.