Just curious as to the reasons everyones husband slept with ow, My husband says it is because there was no communication at home and she came on to him and offered him oral sex and after awhile she would not do that anymore that she wanted sex so he did it for oral sex, the thing that gets me is if he thinks there was no communication at home why did he not try to communicate these things, that of course would be too easy right, I am still very angry at him for all of this and I really need to get past it, I find that some days the affair itself really bugs me and the oc doesn't, other days it is the opposite, and then again sometimes it all gets me, I really think that I am going nuts, and al this talk about sperm donor just kills me because she actually asked my H to be one so her kid could have a brother or sister, she is a realtreat I tell yah, anyway thanks for answering I just am curious

FizzPop, are we married to the same guy???? My husband was addicted to her oral sex too. aparantly she deep throats and I have yet to master that skill. Although I score high on the other oral sex events! <P>My H was distraught about my lack of envolvement at home with the kids and with him. Not feeling appreciated. Felt like my career kept him in two jobs. No communiation of those needs not being met. So he began "talking" to her. She felt the same thing about her "baby's daddy" that she was living with and they shared that common bond. One day at lunch, presto, the best head of his life and he can't stop! Same situation... she wants sex or no head... one month later she's prego.....i won't get an abortion like you want me to, i can have this baby alone, i'll tell my other baby's daddy it's his... Fast forward through the pregnancy, had to get some more of that head.... Baby is 7 months old.... I'm in love with you please leave your wife..... what do you mean I don't love you I love the head.....if you don't leave i'll tell you wife.... no you won't i'll tell her first.<P>And so my saga began.<P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

I can't believe it, the same ow!! The ow in my life also deep throats, even went so far as to tell my husband that she practices on cucumbers, gawd what a picture in my head LOL, I have come to the conclusion that men are really stupid sometimes, ow said we don't need a condom I am safe right now, yah sure you were, The most disgusting thing about my ow is that she wanted to get pregnant by another guy but he was too smart for her and he would not go without a condom and if he did he would not, well you know, any way when she got pregnant she told other guy he was the father and hit him up fo cs got involved with his family and basically stressed him out so bad that he went out got drunk one night killed himself riding his motor bike, his parents wanted to know for sure the kid was his so they ordered her to get a dna test done it came out neg, 4 months after the guy dies she comes after my h gets him to do dna and it comes out 99%, she was also sleeping with 2 other guys at the time I would like to know how there test would come out, oh she is a slut believe me, the kid is 5 years old today, whoopee and he has no father at his party despite what his mother wants and all she wants is my h anyway she can get him, she really doesn't care about her child, her mother looks after him all the time while she party's, I think she needs a new bumper sticker LOL "SLUT WITH CUCUMBER" sorry its late

yes another sad case of a man thinking with his [censored]. i do wish i could get that deep throat thing down! <P>I just wish he would have got the head and kept it to that. Or better yet, tell me and maybe we could have practiced! I like to practice.<P><P>------------------<BR>Zebra Baby ...<P>Lord, give me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

My H and I were separated when he met Ow. I was the one who pushed for the separation because he was treating me like one of his employees, verbal abuse and all. We worked together in our business as partners, but He treated me poorly , often in front of people. So after a long while I had enough and withdrew from him , emotionally. I wanted him to move out. For 7 months after the separation, he pursued tirelessly. Dates ,gifts, begging for a reconciliation,but I didn't want it . We continued to be intimate. Neither one of us dated anyone else. But, I guess he got tired of my rejection. He informed me that he was going to start dating.I said fine.Big mistake. He then withdrew from me and met ow 5 months later. It wasn't during the time we were together. So in that regard , my situation is different.

H never soar-his-wild-oats. I was his first and only. Fell into that male thing (peer pressure), had friends talking about ow they have slept with and he was lying to them and himself.<BR>OW knew sister-in-law, h worked with his sis and ow, she was willing and he was. Fell into that hole--then could not get out.<BR>From the things that happen over the years, ow was trying to be controling to H. When that happen, he tried to get out, but was too far in.<BR>So in essence, H was thinking with his d**k, and not listening to his little brain.

Mine was drunk and stupid.<P>More details later...shoulda been off this thing 20 minutes ago....but I think drunk and stupid covers it well.<P>Love <P>bw

From my 'my story...' post (might explain it better):<P>the why? <P>-he was lonely, i didn't seem to want him. well, i didn't feel real wanted when he just came home when ever he got around to it, so kinda shut down...he knows now to talk about things instead of ASSuming...<P>-i was real over weight...calm down girls let me finish...i weighed 239 jan 1999, felt like sh** about it...he loved me, thought i was beautiful (though was concerned about my health)...his words "i never said anything about your weight, except that i was concerned given your family heart-health history, i always told you how beautiful i thought you were and you never believed me, i wasn't worth enough to you for my opinion to matter" (take note those of you that argue when hubbies say you look good-it makes them feel good when you believe it).<P>that covered the first few times before she moved, when she came back...who knows, maybe the option of yes, i'll come over was easier then telling me what had happened. he said he was scared.<BR>--------------------------------------<P>I should add that over 1999 I went from 239 to about 149. D-day and the almost year since has taken care of the last ten pounds. but self-image is still an issue for me at times<P><BR>In hindsight, he wishes he had tried to talk to me. sharing feelings is difficult for him, as I suspect for yours too, fizzpop...I'll search back for your story...<BR>I, too, tend to flip back depending on the day which bothers me, affair or OC...but they both dull with time.<BR><p>[This message has been edited by DumbStruck (edited April 21, 2001).]

My H and I had been trying for several years to have a child. I had several miscarriages including one in the second trimester which really sent me off the deep end. <P>I was in counselling and depressed all the time. I guess I was so deeply depressed that I neglected to see the effect that it was having on him. H says that he felt unloved. He kept telling me that children did not matter and it felt to him like I wanted a baby more than him.<P>OW was not pretty or thin but she was attentive and made him feel like the big wheel at the amusement park. They started affair but then my H felt too guilty and he started pulling away from her. By that time she had made friends with his sister and his sister told her that H and I were getting our act together and our marriage was doing much better.<P>OW went into high gear. Crying over my H leaving her, threatening to harm herself, yadda yadda yadda. Let's do it one more time, I'm safe right now ... OC.<P>BTW, I can't do the deep throat thing either but considering so many H's here love it, I'm going to get my practice cucumber tonight <P>love,<BR>heavenly

Ladies,<BR>The whole trick of it all is just getting past the gag reflex. You just have to think past it - like when you're concentrating so hard that you forget to blink. Mind over matter. <BR>cd

Hey CD and Heavenly,<P> I was just about to slice up a cucumber! <P> Now I don't have the heart!!<P> God bless you,<P>------------------<BR>Gregg

May I add that you should not neglect the<BR>rim (like licking a real good ice cream cone!)<BR>Drives him wild...<BR>just checking in and couldnt believe what you good<BR>girls were talking about!<P>Oh yeah why he did it, wish I didnt have to think<BR>about that...basically he got in a last shot before<BR>we got engaged. How sad it wasnt a bullet. <BR>She came offering and he fell stupid. He wishes it<BR>never happened and I wish that were enough to change it.<BR>How sad that a child is conceived under these circumstances<BR>and then lives with that burden, along with my H and I and<BR>our children.<P>

Sorry GLynton, what are you doing with that<BR>cucumber anyway?<BR>Been meaning to tell you that I enjoy your posts.<BR>Keep it up...

Ditto Heavenly. During 3 pregnancy losses, H felt like I cared more about a baby than him. But if he had told me the truth instead of avoiding conflict with me, I wouldn't be here today. Nobody FORCES an affair. And yes how sad for his OC and everyone's here. H regrets the affair and child more than anything, ever. Sad.<P>PS Cucumbers rot fast where I live. Do carrots work?

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by Jenny:<BR><B>But if he had told me the truth instead of avoiding conflict with me, I wouldn't be here today...H regrets the affair and child more than anything, ever...<P></B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Sounds like my H...the ability to communicate, or courage to?, seems to be much harder for guys...<P>Funny thing, back to the reasons. Hubby said that even in my overweight days of being real reserved/self-concious I was WAY better then her...she had no tricks, etc...definately isn't familiar with a cucumber! (though I admit in trying to meet each other's 'needs' I have rediscovered it <P>

In my case i think my H cheated on me because slowly very slowly theres been a distance growing in our relationship. We were slipping away from each other. I dont know why or how. Weve tried to talk about it . H says it was "just sex" and "it only happened a few times". The Affair only lasted a few weeks...H felt guilty and called it off. No contact with OW, that is until she found out she was pregnant!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by cardinal2000:<BR><B>In my case i think my H cheated on me because slowly very slowly theres been a distance growing in our relationship. We were slipping away from each other. I dont know why or how. Weve tried to talk about it . H says it was "just sex" and "it only happened a few times". The Affair only lasted a few weeks...H felt guilty and called it off. No contact with OW, that is until she found out she was pregnant! </B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P><BR>Part of my H's too, which is why now we try to make everything we can be 'joint ventures'. <P>as far as calling it off, I think H's low self-esteem had him convinced "well, I'm truely a D**k now" and the cycle was harder to break. he says the guilt was killing him...made things even more distant with us...he definately wasn't enjoying himself<BR><p>[This message has been edited by DumbStruck (edited April 21, 2001).]

Well...I'll be the first to admit, it takes two to tango..<BR>I began pulling away from my H emotionally in 97. At that time, I didn't understand what was going on with me then, but now I realize that I had some unmet needs. Needs I didn't realize were important to me until it was too late. I began having feelings for another young man. He was kind, he seemed to admire me, he was interested in the things that interested me. We had common goals and I could talk to him so easily. This was a far cry from my homelife....cooking, cleaning and bedroom detail was what homelife became. <BR>I decided that if my H only wanted a mom (with the bedroom detail added on) then, that's what I'd give him.<BR>In the meantime, to fulfill my needs, I thought I'd just concentrate on getting my degree in business and becoming a good Christian woman in a difficult marriage.<BR>How many of you know that every void MUST be filled?<BR>I met my 'friend' in school. Because of the intense feelings I had for him, it was at that point I realized I had to work on my marriage or leave. Unfortunatley, I came to that realization a whole 2 and 1/2 years after concentrating on what life would be like with Mr. Perfect.<BR>All of that to say, the difficulties in our marriage started long before the peanut-carrier (sorry to all flight-attendants)entered into the picture. By the time she hit the scene, my H was well aware that I had been very distracted and distant from him.<BR>Just like Jenny's H, my H was a conflict-avoider. SO as it turns out, I was creating space and distance, he was holding the pain in and not communicating....and along came a spider.<BR>Simply put, we BOTH had a lot to do with why I'm on this message board. While I DID NOT give in to my desire to have an affair (at least physically) I neglected the problems that existed for far too long. My H avoided the problems as well and the rest is history.<P>No deep throat stories here...but the XOW had her tongue pierced...of course H denies any of the oral stuff but I think he just wants to forget...I can't imagine that being pleasurable??? Ouch!<BR>

Matthew--<BR>all SO true

My H did it because he had been unhappy with our sexual life for many, many years. Unfortunately, he believed my sexual life with him was over after the birth of our 2nd child, and he gave up trying to interest me. A lot happened in our life to interfere in our sexual life, but he said the other woman was desiring sex, available, and willing. His exact words. Unfortunately, he entered the affair for sex, never wanted another child, thought because he was having sex so little with her pregnancy would never occur, and got badly burned, for all of us, in this little escapade. He thought he would have the affair to meet his sexual needs and not hurt me. And thought I would never know. I think the fact the OC jforced him to tell me has been the hardest thing for him, because he sees what damage he has done.For some other reason, he seemed to get addicted to online sex sites, something he had never done before either, and I think that contributed to this mess=like for 3 years he became another person, or 2 people leading separate lives. AS we try to rebuild our life, he has made a mess of the part of our life that I thought was good-the trust, the connectedness, the reliability on each other, our common interests, etc. all that has connected us for many, many years. OUr sex life is healing, amazingly, quicker than the rest of it. It is easy for me to make up to him sexually, but much harder for me to forgive his decision to give up on us and our sex life and instead make the plan to have the affair. Two months since discovery, I do not think he really knows how he got there himself, but it was as if he was in a fantasy life supported once it got started by OW. Now that is over, and he and I are left with the pain of rebuilding what was once a pretty good thing. Very difficult to do.