I am just curious if anyone else has felt doubt about their love for their cheating spouse throughout this process. Maybe it is more ambivalence...or a protective wall going up. Lately, I almost feel like I could care less what happens. It has been 8 months since D-day and we have our second counseling session scheduled for Friday. It is weird, maybe I am just numb. Any thoughts? I need some encouragement or a swift kick in the [censored].

Not only have I ? my love ,but I have also ? whether or not "winning" has something to do with it. I mean winning over the ow ,the competiveness being interpreted as love. I know it's twisted,but honest. I think the ? we should ask ourselves is, if this betrayal hadn't happened would the marriage be fulfilling.Orwould we still be dissatisfied with our relationships. THere are many things that I consider unacceptable or lacking,without the ow and oc. Many things. That's what led to our separation in the first place. I couldn't take his belittling and his lack of compassion back then. That has not changed. I even now doubt his love for me and have for a while now.

Great point Blue!! <P>Tryin', I think it would be weird if we did NOT doubt our marriages at times throughout this process--this IS adultery! As Janis Abram Spring says, keep ACTING as if your marriage can be repaired and eventually your feeling should catch up. If after lots of time (1-2 YEARS) and effort, you cannot see improvement, you've got a problem. And as Blue said, if you feel the relationship would be bad even without XOW/OC...! Maybe you are protection yourself emotionally from what might come out in couseling. There were times even in my second year of recovery when I wondered what the heck I was doing still living with a guy who could act like such a louse... He WAS doing everything "right", but sometimes it still hurt so bad (contact re:OC being reminders) and it's hard to let go of my hurt. Still, I'm glad to be here today with an intact family fulfilling OUR hopes and dreams!! Hang in there!!<P>

Tryin I never doubted MY love but his at first. He was trying like heck then simply shut down. Wouldn't talk about it anymore. I lovebusted too many times I guess, but it was so fresh and I couldn't handle it.<P>Blue during A my H often did those things to me and I was baffled. It stopped around Sept. when he found out about preg. ow.<P>I feel he was wooing me back BEFORE he confessed in Nov.<P>Love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Doubted me love??? HMMMMM... there were times that I thought I hated him with every fiber in my body! I did. And I must admit in the beginning there was no way ow would be with him. THat was what she wanted. For him to leave me and our daughter and marry her. Over my dead body. That was my feelings in the beginning. I might not be with him but Ill be you-know-what is she was. Then I questioned myself after I "won". Did I love him? Was I just scared? Was it for my daughter? Etc. Well, I now have an answer. Yes. TO all of it. But I am very much in love with him again. <P>Your feelings are totally normal and as Jenny said the opposite would probably be worrisome.<P>Love and Prayers<BR>bw

Sometimes I think that I block out my feelings of love because it is too hard to deal with it. Loving my H is a part of forgiving him and trusting him again, which I cannot do. I feel empty and cold. Then he will do something and the feelings come by for a while. So maybe your are protecting yourself.<P>Regardless, this feeling must be normal, since others have the same thing. You are not alone.<P>Nikita