Most of you won't know who I am, I have been lurking for a while. But I was here when the forum first started. My question is going to be mostly for some of the oldies, I know the newbies are in so much pain you are most likely not thinking of this.<P>My Dday was Feb 9, 2000. So I am going on two years. My H are doing great. We have no contact, and in fact moved away. <P>Financially we are still struggling, still breaking even. My question is how many of you have had children after finding out, or considered. We are doing great, but I am still leery to have another child, even though we both want another one. I guess because all of this happened three months before I got pregnant, I am scared.<P>How do I get past the fear, and what ifs at this stage to go on with my life. I am also worried about having another child which will eventually have to hear about this mess that happened before they were even a thought. There is a little sick driving force too. I want another child, but I also want another child so that my child has a sibling, thus lowering the chances of her seeking out the oc. I know that sounds kind of bad.<P>I am just worried. Any help or advice would be appreciated.<P>babstr.

Babstr,<P>Well, I know this question was more directed to those in your position, but I think that you need to do what makes you feel better. I don't think that your motive is a bad one. If you want a sibling for your C, than do it. My one concern would be if you both have dealt/are dealing with what caused you to be in the current situation. I know that there can never be a "perfect" time to have a baby, but if you haven't taken steps, together, to straighten out what caused your problems in the first place, then, I would wait till you have. JMHO<P>Love,<P>Tigger

Babstr,<BR> I agree with Tigger. Look deep within yourself and find the true motivations behind having another C. If it is just to help you forget the A or stop your H from having contact with the OC then that's not a very good reason. Deal with your pain up front with H and work through all of your issues. You owe that much to your current C and any future Cs you bring into your family.

Hi long-gone friend!<BR>Babstr if you feel the need to express the new closeness you and H have found I would go ahead. I'm doing it through the excitement of a grandchild now. The happiness and excitement have sure taken over this household. To think that almost a year ago I wanted to die! I would have missed out on all this fuss!<P>I think it's a beautiful and loving gesture when done within the loving confines of marriage. An expression beyond compare with true happiness and none of the sadness and uncertainty that oc's brought to all our lives. Through NO fault of their own....<P>Pray about it and see if God wishes it for you. Have fun trying!<P>love<BR>Debi<P>------------------<BR>Imagine....

Thank you everyone who wrote back. Just a little back up info, there was only a one night drunken stand. So there wasn't a long affair or an actual relationship. They were on Annual training in the desert and ended up in a car. The next day they were awol. The ow had been has two oc from different dads. My H did want her to have an abortion, but she didn't even bother to tell him until she was five months, and he still told her he would have nothing to do with her or the oc. He truly feels like he was a sperm donor. <P>I guess it is just an internal fear from being so hurt before. I do want another child, our daughter just turned 3 and that would make our children four years apart which is what we wanted all along. I am just scared to get hurt even though there is nothing to indicate that. I guess there is always going to be a small question in the back of my head. Because once the nightmare has come true it is hard not to worry some. We are really doing wonderful, and I know I am happy. But there is always that small fear, and I just wanted to know if that is normal. Because who knows what normal is anymore. Thank you everyone.<P>babstr