I haven't really introduced myself and this might not be the place to do it, but here's a short intro!<P>My dh and I have been married 7 1/2 years and have two children together. We haven't been happy for quite awhile. The beginning of June, I asked him for a divorce and two weeks later I found out about an affair that occurred almost 4yrs ago that (he has believed all along that child was his) possibly produced a child.<P>So, why didn't I run when I found this out? I don't know. We've been working on our relationship and things seem to be going ok most of the time.<P>I am still very angry at times and sad. I don't know how to get over this. I can understand an affair, but a baby, to me, is so hard to deal with. The situation is just something that I never imagined that I'd have to deal with and just goes against anything that I view as normal!<P>The ow doesn't want anything to do with my dh and dh doesn't want to be involved with her or the oc.<P>I am the only one wanting the DNA test. I guess on one hand it's because I really feel that the oc is really not his and want to make her feel stupid instead of me. On the other hand, I just really want to know. Not much would change, just the fact that I would probably feel worse knowing that the child is his.<P>I've already talked to ow and she's willing to have a DNA test "for me". I guess that's nice of her. <P>I feel stupid and betrayed! Soooo many people knew about this in my town...aquaintences and his family. Nobody told me until recently. He of course denied it. When is this pain going to end and how can I let go of this?

Tinlizzy,<P>I understand how you feel. I also feel like I can almost deal with the affair but the child really is so difficult. It's such a overpowering feeling of betrayal. <P>Like you dh and I were having trouble in our relationship. He felt unloved and lonely and had to have a long term affair with his ex. I had the same feelings but kept my pants on! His ex is so trashy. The fact that he chose her over me truly makes me sick.<P>I expect this will take a long time to resolve itself for all of us. I wish you peace! Good luck with the DNA test.<P>Take care,<BR>Why

Hi Tinlizzy,<BR> I agree with Why, I too could probably deal with the affair, but the reality of him fathering a baby that is not mine (still a fetus, thank God) is unbearable. I too believe that the whole process is not normal and when I try to register this whole saga in my mind it just doesn't make sense and I have to shake my head and my brain screams, "OVERLOAD", try again. <P> Why are we going through this? I try to make sense or learn whatever lesson God is trying to teach me, but I get mad at God for allowing this for me. WHY? Why did He allow this? They were the one's having the affair, they were the one's sinning, they were the one's who betrayed - and so why are WE the ones suffering? Because in the long run, they are both blessed with a child, a living miracle of God. Why? Why are WE suffering? Twiisty wrote that she hates everybody and I know that she doesn't mean that, but I agree with her. I hate everybody too right now. I hate everything. I hate this world, I hate life, I hate my H, and wonder why God created something that was going to FALL? Well, I know the biblical answers, but it doesn't help the pain to go away. People always say that God doesn't give us anything we can't handle. Well, then give this pain to everyone else in the world too then. Well, i am just talking jibberish, but What kind of super women does He think we are? Why do we have to be tested to this degree?<P>Sorry for rambling. <P>I am sorry, Lord. Just give us all peace, please. Give us the strength to make it. We are broken here and we can't fight anymore, we are losing the battle, but have hope in you so please fight this battle for us and give us victory in it.

I'm very new to the forum, but can definitely relate. I've posted myself because I need help & advice. My H told me last year about his affair and the OW being pregnant. The OC is here and H has to visit at Grandparents house because OW won't allow OC around me...but she didn't mind sharing my H!! Things have been so hard for me. I've been so angry & hurt and betrayed. My self-esteem is plummeted to the ground, I've gained weight, I feel like total crap. The only thing that keeps me going is my daughter. I've recently moved out. I don't know if that will help or not, but at least it's a place for me to go if H & I get into argument. We talk & see each other everyday I just can't deal with the situation. And 99% of the time, he tells me to just shut up he doesn't want to talk about it. He never stands up to OW just lets her do whatever, for fear that she won't let him see OC. But I get treated like crap and taking the blunt of everything. I'll pray for you and hope that your story turns out better than mine has so far. I love having people on here that know exactly what I'm going through. Take care!

millsc1, I don't have any advice for you regarding your situation. I guess I should count my lucky stars that dh doesn't have contact and ow doesn't require it. Hell, he may not even be the father! Wouldn't that be a blessing?! Just to know that he didn't create another life with another woman while being married to me would be a blessing! I'm scared to find out, but I think that not knowing is just as bad. I wonder why those two don't care to really find out?!<P>I can tell you this, if my dh told me to shut up about it, he would definitely be out the door! It looks like you did leave the situation. Maybe that will wake him up? I hope that things work out for your best interests and highest good.

Dear Julia,<P>The Lord does not give us more than we can handle with him. He doesnt say he will not give us what we do not want to handle. You are absolutely right! You were not the one that did this, but just bc God or you may forgive H doesnt mean that the consequences of the sin (oc) will go away. The Lord gives us free will to choose. That is the will to choose whatever we want. Your H (our Hs) and the Ow chose wrong...very wrong. It is not fair that we should suffer or that oc should suffer, but we are as innocent as oc is. You have been blessed with this board, other people in your life, and most of all, God for support.<P>This anger is ver normal and very understandable. Remember though, knowing what God and the Bible says and relying on it are two different things. You have to trust Him. He is watching out for you. Remember the old hymn "His Eye is On the Sparrow"? If God can take the time to watch over a little sparrow, take comfort in knowing He has not forgotten about you. He loves you. Trust in Him daily, hourly, and I promise you (He promises you) He will get you through this.<P>I know it is soooooooooooo hard at this stage. I have been there. But the Lord is so very faithful. <P>Millsc1,<P>Honey. I know your pain too. My H was a total jerk for about a year. He wasnt exactly walking with God. He was downright mean at times. He said it was "my sh*t, my problem" he didnt want to hear it. That is the guilt talking honey. They are consumed. When you have that much on your shoulders and you look at your dear wife and realized what you have done it is too much to bear. My H told me one time that every time I mentioned the A, Ow, or Oc even when I wasnt angry and I just wanted to talk and I said "blah blah" what he heard was "blah blah you stupid sob, you ruined my life, I hate you". It is hard on them to accept the reality of what they did. I know, I know. Too bad, so sad. It does not by any means justify their behavior, that is just where it is probably coming from. Hoefully,if he ever forgives himself a little, that will die away.<P>You guys are all so new at this. Please take comfort in the fact that the pain will diminish over time. <P>Love and Prayer<BR>bw

Thanks, bw!