Last October 2000, was my D-day. We cut of contact immediately with OW & OC. Even though at this point OC was two years old. OW had been calling at his work and threatening him about seeing the OC and telling everyone. I guess it work he told me and his parents finally. <p>As soon as I found out I insisted if our relationship would work he must cut all communication with OW & OC. He did and said he had since the OC only a couple of times out of curiousity. He also admitted giving OW a bit of money because her situation was sad. <p>At this point the OW sent his parents pictures and call to make sure their son did not get the mail before they did. His parents told her that he was now out of the situation with her and she would need to do what was necessary for her to proof herself to them. Even after this she sent a valentine card with the OC picture to his parents. <p>In March of 2001, he got court papers for CS. He of course refuse to just pay without a DNA test. DNA came back positive and was issued a rediculous amount, especially OW not telling he had another two children to support. Still trying to keep contact, the OW sends his parent a birthday card for the OC party. His parent presented this two him and he told them no contact and they will stand by their son. Also and of course as soon as she got the DNA back she wrote them a letter with a copy of DNA test saying she was sorry for the amount the court put on their son. These OW always portrait themselves as the victim, when they made all the decisions by themselves to be in thier situations. <p>To keep it short, this Friday he goes back to court to contest the amount. I having a hard time that I know the OW will be there at her best and probably will bring the OC. It really bothers me, sometimes I want to go to court, but I am afraid of what I will do to the OW if I see her.<p>This is where I thank you Butterfly. I read a response you gave and it mention how you have no contact with OW & OC outside of CS. I thought I was alone in this situation. We both have issue as far as the OC, we feel sorry and humans that this OC has no father in their life. But then again that was the OW selfish, low-down skeeming to try to have a man. OW is a fatherless female. Which her mother did the samething to another man, OW is doing the same to us. These women think that having sex with men and being valadated by sex will get them what they desire. These types of women have no self-esteem and are deperate. <p> We both sometimes have a tough time feeling sorry for the OC, but have no intention of being there outside of financially. Does this happen to you and your H? It not like we don't get any sleep but we are human. Well, we will stick to our decision and we know probably when the OC is older she may come looking for us but we will deal with that then.

I am kind of in a similar situation in which we have no contact outside of child support and I insisted on DNA testing and by God's grace, OW had a change of heart (found out she's engaged) and she settled out of court with us for CS.<p> <blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>To keep it short, this Friday he goes back to court to contest the amount. I having a hard time that I know the OW will be there at her best and probably will bring the OC. It really bothers me, sometimes I want to go to court, but I am afraid of what I will do to the OW if I see her.<p> <hr></blockquote><p>I wish I didn't listen to my atty and went to court with my H and in the future, I will do so, if anything else comes up. Our Atty. did tell us that OW's bring their OC's and their friends and they all "play a big scene" but our Atty. told us that the Judges never buy it. It's all theatrics. <p>My H has chosen no contact from the beginning. I didn't find out about OW/OC until almost 8 months ago (Our OC just turned 2 on 11/12 and our DD that H and I have together just made 2 on 11/30....turns my stomach that they are so close in age). I stand behind my H 100% in his decision due the unstable nature of OW. (Think, Glenn Close in Fatal Attraction, but amazingly, when I got into the picture...she kinda left us alone...for now).<p>We do not lose sleep in our decision although I feel sorry for the OC. I prayed about this and H and I sat down and wrote out all pro's and con's and we decided that the four children at home needed peace more than OC needed my H in her life due to the theatrics etc. that OW pulled off in the past. OC is loved by her mother and her mother's family and friends and has a good life. My H made sure of that otherwise he would have turned her in to CPS.<p>My H said he would adopt OC out in a heartbeat...not that he won't pay his financial obligation, but he felt from the beginning that OC deserved a mother and father that LOVED each other and would be best off in an adoptive home. By choosing to keep her baby, OW opted for single parenthood. That was her choice. We just have to pay CS and a percentage of medical costs.<p>I am interested, how do you do your financial and health obligations with as minimal contact as possible? <p>Hope things work out for you on Friday. I would go to court with my H. I know myself that despite my feelings for OW, I would compose myself ok. I keep reminding myself that my four children do not need mama in jail for assault!!! Now, self defense is a different matter...LOL!!!<p>Please post and let me know how court goes.<p>I will be thinking of you and praying,<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Dear Simply Sad,<p>Thank you for your post. I think my h owes ow nothing except monetary support. I know what you mean by doing the right thing by OC. I think it would have been unhealthy for us to have ties with oc. At least for me it would..we have our own children and we keep that secret buried. Why do I have to expose my children to all of that mess? I think ow is also ashamed, although she's never spoken to me..I saw her once at the bureau of cs and she kept her head down the whole time...
I can't imagine having ow in our lives, it's inevitable that she would be if oc was..I just pray that oc will grow up happy and healthy and it's possible if ow does a great job. I've seen happy children raised by single parents. It's really out of our hands. We pay our support and that's it..if oc comes looking for us, we'll deal with it then..I think she won't, I don't think her mother will tell her child. I've tried sending kind emails and letters to ow and she just never responds. I wanted to ask her what she was going to tell her child so we can support her on it? But no response is her response so I've just left it at that...I want to be happy and I don't feel wrong for having happiness in my life. If she seeks us one day, we'll cross that bridge when we get there [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] I don't want to live worrying about it...Does ow have contact with you? <p>God Bless you and Take Care<p>Love and Hugs,
Butterfly<p>confusedcioussays@yahoo.com

Well thank you for your responses. I have never had any contact with OW and my H does not want me to have any contact, because since neither OW or OC will be in our lives. I think he's ashamed of what he did and what she looks like.<p>I am going to talk to him tonight, I know the pictures she has sent his parents, at least one of them she's in the picture, I want to see. I will also talk to him tonight (Thursday)and tell him how I feel about him being around her and the OC tommorrow. I know she is going to try to pull some kind of stunt. At court do they make this types of CS cases go to a mediator? I do not want him to talk to her, even though I know she will approach him with let talk or have lunch what ever. I want him to call me immediately afterwards and get away from her immediately after court. I will ask him about me going but I know he doesn't want me to. <p>I haven't really talk to his parent on how they feel now that they know they have true granddaughter? But I don't know how they will feel of me asking them. I know as my H told me that they will go by and stand by what he wants to do. <p>Well I hope to make it to Saturday without to many cracks. Please pray for me.<p>Simplysad

SS.....
Praying for you. Please keep me posted!<p>Hugs,
Twiisty