I am sorry that things are difficult for you right now. I am glad to hear that it doesnt have to do with exow and oc, though. I think of you often and I will pray that things improve in the coming weeks.
If you feel comfortable, update us on what is going on...maybe some of us can help.

Dear Tryin,<p>Thank you so very much for asking about me. IT really means a lot to know that you all do care.<p>I may post in a few days. Right now my H should be home in a few minutes.<p>I am just really feeling overwhelmed and I feel like I a have been fighting a losing battle. Though I am still here so God must want me here.....Im just not sure how long He will ask me to continue. I am feeling love lost I guess, course it could very well be hormones.<p>I love my H dearly, but am so sick of watching him fight the Lord in all he does. He seems to think his only responsibility in this marriage is to be a good provider. Well, he may be doing that but as a H he is not doing so well.<p>I will probably give a few details in a few days.<p>Thank you so much for your prayers. My H and I both need them desperately now.<p>Love to all,<p>bw

Wow! Do I ever know what you are talking about!
Have you read "The power of a praying wife"? It has really worked in my and my h life. My h has fought God since birth. [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] His mother is a church treasurer and has God in her right pocket yet cant get her son to see His light. Just keep praying and hopefully it will all work out. Oh, and yes, your hormones will reek havoc, girl. Hang in there!

BW,
you have been on my mind all day today and I wanted you to know that I prayed for you today.
Hoping things are getting better for you...<p>"The Power of a Praying Wife" is an excellent book and I highly recommend it too. I have seen positive things happen just in my attitude towards my H by praying the prayers for him in this book.<p>I pray for a happy, safe and healthy holiday for you...<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

Dear Tryin and Twiisty,<p>Thanks ladies so much for caring. I have actually never read that book. Heard of it, but never read it. I guess it is worth a shot. I read one book once that was "The Saved Wife and the Unsaved Husband" (course it coulda been vice versa). I had a hard time getting into it since I felt it didnt really pertain to me. My H is saved, you would just never know it.<p>He has also fought with God his whole entire life and it is so exhausting to watch. I can not imagine what it is like to live. It saddens me so and sometimes makes me so angry for the decisions he makes are so very bad.<p>He is faithful still as far as I know. There is always that lingering doubt when I watch him on his path of destructiveness.<p>He is an alcoholic and it doesnt seem to get any better. At least when it seemed to I learned he had just gotten better at not mentioning it to me. He works two jobs and one of them is a manager of a 24 hour restaurant that just happens to sell alcohol. I found out that he frequently was staying after work to drink a few beers. He doesnt always get "drunk" but he seems to always have to have a drink.<p>It creates more and more problems. He doesnt care that he admitadly NEEDS the alcohol. He doesnt care at all. I do not know what to do although I guess there isnt a whole lot I can do except pray for him.<p>He even drank on Christmas Eve. Got only around 3 hours sleep..went full stream thru Christmas day and he is now working nights. He works on a railroad at this job. It can be very dangerous if you are not paying attention and lack of sleep doesnt help at all.<p>I love him with all my heart and of course he isnt all bad. He calls me every night from work no matter which job it is or how much time he may have to talk. He just calls to say Hi and see how we are doing and tell me he loves me. I think he loves me as much as he is able to, but to be honest Im not sure he truely knows what love is.<p>He has never had a broken heart. The closest is liking a girl in school and her not going out with him. No one has ever broken up with him.....I just do not think he has ever felt what it is like to lost someone you care about. I heard once that you never really knew what love was unless you had suffered a broken heart. Could this be true?<p>I dont know. I guess I am rambling. I just pray he will one day realize what he stands to lose and will get help. I am just afraid I may end up having to walk out on him for him to see, but being an alcoholic could that push him over the edge?<p>I think someday soom I am going to search out an Al-Anon group and see what they have to say.<p>Love to all,<p>Bw

Hi BW,<p>Admittedly, i have been really slacking in making a committment to prayer on a regular basis, partly because i should pray for ow/oc but i don't want to do that so lately i have just not been praying and relying on the Holy Spirit to hear my cries and take my tears to the Father. Lately i have been telling myself to pray more and i think it is time for me to start...after reading your last thread i know i need to pray for you and others... I am going to pray for you right now and for everyone here that i hold so dear. <p>I also recommend The Power of a Praying Wife, it is practical and the author, Stormy Omartian, seems like she could be your best friend. The days i read this book, i just had the confidence that my h was going to be a Godly man and would turn away from his worldly ways and turn to Truth. It didn't happen overnight, but God was faithful. My h is not perfect by far, but he accompanies me to church now, carries a Bible to church and is willing to have counseling by our pastorr. He still says some off the wall comments that make me shake my head in disgust because he is still holding onto things of the world (aren't we all though), but God is molding him daily...that is obvious.<p>I am sorry for your pain and sense of uncertainty right now. I feel that way a lot lately too and i try to remember the fact that there is ONE thing that i am not uncertain of and that is the WILL of the Father. I don't understand it, but i have faith in it. Unfortunately, i am so sad sometimes, i wish God would fast-forward to the end of the world so that all of my pain would go away, but i know He has a bigger, greater plan for me. We can't see it now, but God is strengthenging us, Amen! I know it!!!<p>God bless, and God can change the hardest of hearts, my h is living proof, heck, i am living proof!!<p>Julia

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>I think someday soom I am going to search out an Al-Anon group and see what they have to say.<p> <hr></blockquote><p>BW,
This could be the best Christmas and New Year's gift you can give to yourself. I believe they have good support groups for spouses of alcoholics as well as groups for children too.<p>My dearest friend and prayer partner's husband is addicted to prescription pain killers that he takes due to a back problem (he's on disability)
We prayed the prayers in "Power of a Praying wife" we see some positive changes. My prayer partner goes to Al-Anon meetings for spousal support and sharing. She comes away from it recharged.<p>I will be praying for you. I have thought of you often and know that I am here for you to chat with or pray with or just e-mail me with whatever's on your mind. I care and I know that Jesus is holding you right now.<p>Hugs in HIM,
Twiisty

Dear BrokenWings,
I want you to know I have no words of wisdom for you.<p>I will be your friend in prayer.<p>God answers all prayers and I will pray for your H's healing.<p>Bless you.
love
Debi

Broken_wings,
After reading your last post, I grabbed my book and looked at the chapter choices to see which prayer would help you and your H. The chapters are entitled for example...His Protection...His Integrity...His Attitude. I was not sure which one would best suit your situation but I decided on "His Deliverance". <p>God obviously wants you to hear this because when I opened to that chapter, chills ran down my spine and I gasped aloud. It begins and I quote..."Melissa was concerned about her husband's attraction to alcohol". I stopped there and knew that I had found the right chapter.<p>I will now write the prayer and pray with you and anyone else who wishes to join in. This comes directly from pp.179-180, "The Power of A Praying Wife" by Stormy Omartian<p>"Lord, You have said to call upon You in the day of trouble and You will deliver us (Psalm 50:15). (We) call upon You now and ask that You work deliverance in BW's husband's life. Deliver him from anything that binds him. Set him free from alcohol. Deliver him quickly and be a rock of refuge and a fortress of defense to save him(Psalm 31:2). Lift him away from the hands of the enemy(Psalm 31:15).<p>Bring him to a place of understanding where he can recognize the work of evil and cry out to You for help. If the deliverance he prays for isn't immediate, keep him from discouragement and help him to be confident that You have begun a good work in him and will complete it (Phillippians 1:6). Give him the certainty that even in his most hopeless state, when he finds it impossible to change anything, You, Lord, can change everything.<p>Help him understand that 'we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against rulers of the darkness of this age, against spiritual hosts of wickedness in the heavenly places'(Ephesians 6:12). We pray that he will be strong in the Lord and put on the whole armor of God, so he can stand against the wiles of the devil in the evil day. Help him to gird his waist with truth and put on the breastplate of righteousness, having shod his feet with preparation of the gospel of peace. Enable him to take up the shield of faith, with which to quench all the fiery darts of the wicked one. We pray that he will take the helmet of salvation, and the sword of the Spirit, which is the Word of God, praying always with all prayer and supplication in the Spirit, being watchful and standing strong to the end (Ephesians 6:13-18). AMEN<p>I hope this is not too overwhelming for you, bw. I was moved to do this. I hope it gives you some comfort.<p>Tryin

Oh BW,<p>I'm so sorry to hear things are on a bad swing for you and H. I have been away from the computer for it seems like a week now with the holidays. And am only on for a hot second when I saw this thread to you.<p>Let me say I too am praying for and with you.<p>We'll chat more later about Alanon and more.<p>Love you sweetie,
Z.

I came on tonight for a bit of encouragement and all I can say is thank that Lord for all of you. I just found out my great-grandmother passed away. She was rushed to the hospital today and died a few hours ago. I am doing ok with it, she was 93 years old after all...it is just still kinda hard. There is a little bit of guilt there since I have not seen her in quite some time. I got so occupied with my life and she lived on the other side of Houston. They are all just excuses, But I pray she understands.<p>As far as me and H go, well we did have a decent Christmas. All of our family now know about our new baby and it went well.<p>Thank you all for your prayers.<p>Tryin,<p>Wow. Thank you. I believe you were shown that for a reason because it broke me down. Not in a bad way so dont worry. It just floors you when the Lord says "ok, now trust me will ya....Im talking to you!" I tried to print it out and my computer/printer/whatever is messed up so I have to print all 9 pages of this post. I am going to run out of ink. I thank you for that. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Thank all of you so much. I love my H beyond belief and it hurts so much to watch him destroy himself. I appreciate your prayers.<p>Love<p>bw

BW,<p>Today i received your Christmas card in the mail...thank you. It is a joy to have you all as a source of comfort. <p>How far along are you, BW?<p>Do you know if it is a girl or boy?<p>I am really starting to get excited for you and the wonderful blessing of you having a baby. Lately, i really have desired to conceive, but my h is extra cautious and it kind of makes me sad. Oh well... Keep us informed on the development and any exciting experiences you have like 'kicking' and how you feel. I hope i don't seem scary trying to live vicariously through you, but i am sooooo happy you are pregnant.<p>God bless,
Julia

Hi Julia,<p>I had my second dr appt today. I am 12 weeks along and am due July 10....I believe that is 5 days before Happy_Girls due date. Wouldnt that be cool for them to have the same b-day!<p>Anyways, its too early to tell the sex or feel anything yet, but I did have an ultrasound and I did hear the heartbeat for the first time. The little buger is full of life that is for sure. He/she was tossin and turnin and basically looked like a little gymnast. It was pretty neat. But all limbs are there and the heart is strong and healthy. So far so good.<p>How are things up there for you and H right now? Did you go to Cali for Christmas? I do think about you often.<p>Love
bw

sorry, duplicate<p>[ December 28, 2001: Message edited by: broken_wings ]</p>