Today is oc 1st birthday. We have not seen him since Christmas. Exow has decided that she does not want h to be involved with oc now. Even though we were involved since he was born. H was at the hospital for his birth, paid cs, visits every other week, etc. <p>Why do these ow want involvement when you do not or dont want involvement when you do? Most of the ow I have read about on this board are only concerned about themselves, not their children. There are those who tell us that we need to do what is best for the oc. What about the mothers? Ours has done nothing but play games. How is that doing what is best for our oc. Be involved...dont be involved. <p>I had to sit and watch my h sob on our couch as he reread the letter to his son for his birthday. A letter that told oc how much he is loved and how h wishes he could see him but circumstances wont allow it. How he thinks of his son every day and loves him with all his heart. Never once does the letter say that his own mother is doing this to them. Never once was an unkind word said about how selfish she is.<p>Then, I had to listen to my h sob again on the phone because ow decided she could bring oc to see h at work so he could wish oc a happy birthday. He was crying because oc didnt recognize him anymore and oc seemed upset. He was crying because that may be the last time he sees him.<p>I dont even know if I am making any sense. Just needed to vent.

T4S,<p>I was thinking of you today and said a prayer for you and your H and your darling OC.<p>I pray that the Lord will comfort your H and know that OW will get hers...God will take care of her for being selfish.<p>I'm here for you. I care and I will be praying.
God bless you and hold all y'all in His arms tight.<p>God will reward your faithfullness...He will honor your doing the right thing.<p>Hugs,
Twiisty

The OW's do not want any involvement with the Betrayed Wife and that is the catalyst for the unreasonable behavior and silly power games. The thought of their child perhaps loving someone else means, to them, loss of control. They rarely stop to think that the child's life would be enhanced...that there is plenty of love to go around and that it is possible to love more than one mom or dad. They think that if the OC loves you, then the OC will not love her. It's just insecurity and selfishness. And all about them and what they want and what they feel, discounting the kid entirely.<p>The 'contrary' thing that goes on all the time...wanting your involvement if you do not, and not wanting involvement if you do, is simply a control issue...a power thing. It has absolutely nothing to do with what is best for the kid, it is all about manipulation and punishment. Punishing your husband for wanting you, punishing you for forgiving and taking back your husband. She doesn't care how badly you're wounded or how devastating your pain...in fact, she wants to see you suffer more, even at the expense of your children, your marriage. The more you are in agony, the better she feels, the more powerful she feels. She is finally 'somebody' in her tiny little world.<p>The reason why we avoid contact on any level is for the very reasons you and your husband are suffering now...besides, involvement would take so much concentrated time away from us and our mission to regroup and rebond with rach other and our own kids.<p>Our OW wants nothing to do with us if I am included in the equation. I am sure she would love my husband's involvement, but since I come with the package, she makes no demands for fear of getting scary old Catnip coming to pick up the kid.<p>The Betrayed Spouse and the OC are the two innocents who get hurt the most and loose the most in this whole terrible scenario. In our case, I am confident OC has plenty of love from a rack of aunts, uncles, grandparents, cousins and family friends to help ease the pain of not having bio dad in her life. I know nothing makes up for a parent but in a situation such as this where we are forced to make hard choices because of the selfishness and thoughtlessness of WS and OP, these are the consequnences of these actions and I for one, am releived it wasn't me that created this heartache. It's funny how so many of us are the ones who carry so much angst and worry over the OC when it represents for us the most enormous nightmare we could ever imagine. I wish these contrary OW's would put their own feelings aside and concentrate what is best for their OC and suck it up for them. After all, it is their fault that things are the way they are.<p>You could use reverse psychology on OW and tell her you don't want contact anymore and you won't be seeing OC again. Your husband's meltdown is exactly what she is looking for...oh! the satisfaction! She gets big pay-offs seeing him miserable. If I were you and your husband, I would be so cavalier about the whoie thing, acting as if it is no big deal and watch her do a speedy about face.
But, above all, pray for guidance and direction. Ask God for his mercy and comfort, justice and His will. Miracles still happen.<p>Catnip =^^=

Twiisty
Thank you kindred spirit!<p>Catnip
Your words are always so wise. You are exactly right. I actually dont want her to change her mind again. H and I are too exhausted with these games. We are in all the way or out all the way. She cannot keep it stable so we will. We are out. Oc will survive and hopefully know the truth in the end. That he was loved, wanted, and adored. His mother just couldnt get past her anger and pain. And you are so right. She refuses to get past me. Oh well, I still have a marriage and a future with my h. She only has a lot of loneliness and single parenthood ahead. I wouldnt wish that on anyone, but she chose it.<p>Thank you again.

Tryin,<p>I'm sorry you are going through this. I too am going through something similar, I need to post an update but I'm too lazy to do it tonight.<p>Catnip- Thanks for posting our reply I needed it tonight. <p>
Unsure

Gosh, to me, it just sounds like the OW in your case is very confused. At least she finally accepts the fact that she cannot continue a relationship with your H!<p>It might not be that she is against you so much that she is simply trying to get on with her life the best way she knows how.<p>I agree it is very selfish not to honor the bond that you guys have built with OC, nevertheless, it DOES seem like she realizes that avoiding your H means she can move on. And so can you.<p>Perhaps OC was God's way of proving that you guys ARE capable of making your own children. I say just let OW go on in peace. And keep believing for children as you have in the past, only this time God gets the final word, not the doctors.<p>There is a lady I know who gave up on having children after having been married for 15 years and lo and behold, she had her first child last month! Keep the faith!<p>In the meantime, while you are preparing for motherhood, less stress is best! I'm sorry for your H's pain as I'm sure it causes you pain. He is paying the piper as we (adulterers) all have to sooner or later...

t4s,,, i hate to hear that you are having these hard times. i don't understand one thing though. if your husband and YOU want to be involved with oc then you should just do it. the ow has no say so in regards to whether your h and YOU are part of childs life. in many families where parents are separated there is a step parent. this is not a negative thing. this ow is way out of line trying to put limitations on you and YOUR h. again she has no say in who is in oc's presence when oc is with YOUR h. unless someone is some form of criminal or deviant. which is not the case here. please stand up for YOUR (you & h) rights. i have to beleave that the 2 of you will feel much better if you fight together for this. especially since i read that your h is sobbing because he misses his child. this is a crime in itself. it seems to me that you will only feel worse in the future when you look back and relize what you allowed ow to get away with. this c needs the love that her father and YOU can provide and if you fight this fight you will be the winners of the war not the battle as YOUR step daughter will eventually see her mother for what she is. i promise you this to be true. i have lived it with my oldest son. he was not the result of an affair but his mother tried all of the same controling crap. i have relationship with him that is much stronger then his and his mothers. this is from his mouth not mine. the 2 of you will have to be strong, tolerent and stand united. please if YOUR h and YOU really want to be part of this childs life then don't cheat her out of the loving relationship the 2 of YOU can give her.

i am sorry that i refered to your stepson as your
stepdaughter. but again please double think YOUR decision to stay away from this child. <p> again my appoligizes, pops