I'm a 39 year old man who's been married for nearly 8 years. This is my 2nd wife and in many ways, it's the only marriage I really had. My wife is a mother of 4 children from her previous marriage and despite having children had never lost her drive. But lately things are different. I am a sensitive guy who loves affection. In the beginning, she showed me so much love. Hugs because she felt like it; grabbed my hand because she wanted to; a quite, I LOVE YOU no matter where we were...etc. Now, it's an issue just to get a kiss goodnight. I do love her with all my heart... but I wish she would still show me the affection she used to. I'm a very affectionate person and when 'I' show her affection she usually, accepts it grudgedly, laughs and says something like... 'you're too much'. As far as a sex life... well, when we have it it's very satisifying. But we're lucky if it happens twice a month. Now, I'm not an addict or anything but I'd like to make love to my wife more than that. Somehow, I don't think once every two or three weeks is normal for a couple married for 8 years..... help please!

Hugs and kisses must not be her "love language"! You have to learn what it is and "speak" it. It may be acts of service(doing the dishes-taking out trash-without being asked), gifts(doesn't have to be expensive), words of afirmation(Honey, your the greatest mom--wife-cook-anything she does for you and the kids)THEN maybe you will get her to "speak" your love language.... hugs-kisses-handholding-yep, even sex more often!

This might be better posted over in Emotional needs. Have you looked at the EN questionnaire, and done it, and then worked to meet your wife's EN's?

Generally speaking, when the EN's are met, the SF's are more likely to be met.

If your wife is feeling distant, she will not be as receptive to sex as you might like.

There's good stuff in the Concepts link (up at the top), and the Q&A link has lots of good articles that will help you learn to "think the MB way".

I'd start with that, then see how things go.

Thank you so much for your suggestions! Let me first say that even my wife will tell you I'm more than generous with my 'appreciation' toward her. I'm the kind of husband who 'does' help around the house. Since my wife and I both work from home, the household work gets split between us. And that includes cooking. We're great companions and love each other deeply. I'm speaking about affection and sexual fulfillment. Yes, we did the questionnaire and her needs are definitely different then mine. But we both knew that already. We came up with nothing really that isn't fulfilled. I did mention once that perhaps her lack of drive was chemically related and she bit my head off. Help

OK..........My husband , of forty years, retired in the 90's and we moved from our(my) fifty year "home city", to the country(his home town)..but on the farm we have owned forever. He still goes back to the city to do contract(six months-two years) He stays there Monday through Thursday (this two years) and then is home Thursday-Monday morning. I have noticed that a little time apart makes us happier to be together!
Do you and she have good friends to do things apart from each other? Sometimes we can be too "needy" of our spouse! They may feel the weight of our total contentment which ONLY comes in relationship from our Father through Jesus Christ and His Holy Spirit.
The end of husband's contract comes up soon and we're BOTH thinking about what we will do for the next twenty years.