I'm new here - but here it goes... My wife and I have been married for about 7 years, but together for 12. She came to me a little over a month ago, and said - I can't take it anymore, I have to leave. After some discussion, it became painfully aware to me that I needed to wake up, and try to save our marriage and our family (One son 2 1/2, and one daughter 6). We had lost the "in love" feelings mostly due to my fault. I stopped treating her with the love and respect she deserves, and it has caused her to move away from me emotionally. She says she mentally divorced me 1 - 2 months ago, so it is hard for her to work at coming back. She is moving out of our house within the next few days to help her find herself, stand on her own two feet, and to get away from the pressure I seem to be putting out to save our marriage and for her to act as before. I have been going to counseling with my Chaplain daily, and with a therapist every week since this has happened. I feel I have definitely changed, and can now see and feel hope for our marriage, but I don't know how to get her to turn back to the marriage and really want to work at getting our "in love" feelings back and be friends again... Is that possible?? How do I get her to open up to me, and trust me?? Can I get one last chance to save our marriage and keep our family together??

The fact that you are taking some responsibility for the current state your marriage is in is proof to me that there is definately hope for you to save your family. Your wife may have had her fill for a while, as I do not know the entirety of the situation, however you are definately moving in the right direction by seeking counseling and not displacing blame. Your wife is probably going to be cautious of your efforts to get help at this point she may want to step back and observe how you react, if you are going to continue in the manner you are now or if you are going to give up and walk away and go back to being like you were before. There are other factors to consider as well, we can not make a person want to love us or be with us, if her love for you is gone and she has had too much God will have to deal with her heart and open it back up to you. At times in our lives we can keep on keeping on and then we as women just get enough one day and have our fill and then we just try to shut off all emotion in an effort to not be hurt over and over again. Be patient with your wife, in the meantime I woudl suggest if you really want to save your marriage turn it over to God, seek his direction,and whatever you do...do not turn to another woman in your "time of need" your wife will see this as you wanting another woman besides her no matter how innocent your intentions may be. Above all else, remember the children. Consider what they have gone through,what they have seen and heard,and try to prevent hurting them any more than they have been throughout the process. The better and more civil you are able to be with each other the better it is for the children.

Misty2912,
Thank you very much for the reply.. Your insight is helpful.. Yes, I am "finally" seeing my errors, and I want to be a better person, husband and father.. He mental state is that I'm a day late and a dollar short.. She says she has tried on several occasions to work on our marriage, but evidently I either wasn't listening, or something - but I didn't see the problems like she did. Now I see the necessity, and she feels she has already left mentally, so she doesn't feel the necessity to work on "us". I am turning to God, although I need to do more. I hope and pray that it isn't too late to encourage my wife to fall in love with me again.. A big request I know, but I love her so much, and the kids need both their parents in a family unit.. I dearly hope I haven't pushed her too far away that she can't or won't find her way back. Thanks again for your response - I really appreciate it.