Thank you Hurtinheart and who ever is going through this painful experience. I hear ya! It's is so devastating to find out your spouse has done such a thing. You thought your life was OK, maybe not perfect, but that you could feel that you were comfortable with your W and then BAM you are shot out of the water by something so hurtful you don't know which way to turn. You want to believe your spouse, but they have lied so much to you to cover their A**** that you find it hard to do so. Much as you want to believe they love you and want to work it out with you, it is unbelievable. Mine went from seeing her on Friday, (no sex, just talk) to wanting me to stay and give him another chance on Monday, cause her email after my call to her H told him she could offer him nothing more than what they had right now and said Goodbye forever. But her last line said she would be his friend forever, what does that mean? He should call her whenever he feels the need. This is the week of Christmas and it is the most horrible Christmas I have ever spent in my whole lifetime, even worse than last year when my father died in October and we spent the first Christmas without him. I am waiting for some type of contact from or to her as I can't believe she will just let Christmas go by and not email a card or a wish for Christmas to him after all these years. What do you think? My H says she is gone and he has had no contact, not even an email from her since I told her H and she replied to his last one. I wish I could believe, but I don't have access to his emails, so I guess my choice is to hope he is telling the truth. I guess I expected him to have some kind of depression, or be real moody for a couple of weeks, but nothing. Only when I bring up the subject, like I know I shouldn't, but can't help it, does he get somewhat angry as he wants me to put it in the past and forget and move on and build a life with me. (On Nov. 16 though, we still had a go nowhere existance according to his email to her and I do have the copy of what he sent to her that he forwarded to me.) I just don't know what to think anymore and I find myself waiting for that keg of powder to blow any day now and I don't know what I will do if it does. I plan right now that if there is any contact I will be gone and I won't look back this time. I just can't go through it all over again. I know I will lose my mind if it happens again. She just won't offer him anything, so why would he want to go back to her, unless the attraction is so strong he can't help it. In all of the Horoscopes, etc. I have found they are a perfect match for each other (an 8 out of 10 in sexual satisfaction, and a 10 in together forever potential according to Cosmo). Can I believe that as I am only a 5 and 3 in that order? It is so depressing. Everything around me seems to remind me of them being together, as a movie we watched the other night where a married man started an affair with another person and fell in love with her, but in the end she only wanted to sleep with him and use him for whatever and didn't want anything personal from him or a relationship and it so matched my H's situation that I couldn't finish watching the program and he didn't seem to like the ending either. Maybe he has finally come to the realization that it wasn't love but some need she felt for him only and it would never be enough to support them together if they would have gotten together.
Otherwise, everything in my life is OK. He has been wonderful and I hate that I suspect every move he makes, but I guess that feeling will go away eventually.
I am sorry for your distress, but it sounds like you are dealing with it the best you can and you are right that if you cry you break all the good you have just tried to build, but it is so hard to not cry and try to be brave when your heart is broken.

Happy Holidays and I hope 2003 is a better year for all of us! Could it possibly be worse?