hello just want to say that i am thinking of you. i know how much it hurts to be betrayed and to wonder about the trust.
on this forum, one of the first things you will hear is to make no rash decision. and it takes awhile for the pain and newness to get to a bearable point, so it could take awhile before you are really ready to make a decision. don't feel like you have to compare yourself to anyone else either. you are you. you do what is best for you and yours.
the fact that your husband is remorseful is very good. i know some just act that way, saying what you want to hear. and some mean it but fall back into the old ways again. but some waywards are truly remorseful. they made a mistake, they figured it out, they do a 180. i'd suggest that you give your husband a chance. maybe he is one who really means it. even if he is just saying it, he may do a 180 based on seeing a new woman in you. check out plan a.
a good first step is to read principles of marriage building and take care of you. build your confidence and self-esteem. get your nails done or something else that makes you feel good about you. now while you are doing that, remember not to throw disrespectful judgments, angry outbursts, or selfish demands at your husband. you don't have to be all lovey-dovey when you don't want to, just don't push him away. be decent to him and work on you. remember though that you are working on you as a better spouse, not as a newly single woman.
you may have loads of trouble trusting, but if he is sincere and is trying it will be much easier for you. there are things that he will have to do to help you. but there are some survivors on this board and some who actually flourish. it can be done and you could be one who helps a friend or neighbor through this trauma.
work on your marriage. don't worry so much about the oc right now. there are so many ways to handle that situation. if you decide on no contact, then maybe it is a loving decision to allow another man to be the daddy to the child. just because your husband isn't in the child's life does not mean that the child will not have a daddy. if you decide on contact, then perhaps the child can have two loving homes. or perhaps, you will opt to have the child live in your home a great portion of the time. you have to first consider your marriage, then consider the other people. look at the whole game. in some situations, many options are cancelled. it just depends on the people and their own situation. nothing is set in stone as the right thing to do. it depends. work on your marriage first reading up on policy of joint agreement, and then worry about what to do about oc. not that she is unimportant- but you have to work on you and your marriage so that you and husband will be able to make the best decision.
God has a plan. i heard a story about someone who was looking at a fabric with strings hanging out and a mush of colors and said how ugly and awful it was. then someone else said oh but you are looking at the wrong side. we may be looking at the wrong side of the fabric. from God's side, it'll all work out if you allow Him to work through you. sometimes we have to be broken to get the best design. will be thinking of you.
