</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">guess for some it is hard to believe that the MOW would actually want to work on her marriage and keep her family intact
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Well duh.....if our dear husbands can decide to work on their M, wouldn't logic dictate that MOW might also........


PS - You ladies make me blush. I've been trying to upload some pics so you can see me from last weekend, but my damn server hates me or I'm not holding my tongue in the exact right position or saying the right cuss words or something.........

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

nymedic said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just as I dont think that the BC need to know EVERY sordid detail about Dad's affair... " Well you DAD is a cheating [censored] and got some whore pregnant" would not be a very healthy way to explain the A to the children...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES YES YES- THERE IS NO WAY TO EXPLAIN AN A THAT IS HEALTHY, SILLY!!!!! SO.... THE BC SHOULD NOT KNOW AT ALL how terrible their father acted!!!!! Same thing as exposing to OW's child how TERRIBLE they think their XMM/father was.... SEE!!!! FOR THE CHILDRENs' PROTECTION.

AND not only should these precious childen NOT HAVE TO learn this young about this ADULT MESS.. this freaking SPRINGER crap erupting in their home...

This is the VERY SAME reason WHY WHY WHY the extra nasty deatils of the A (OC being conceived) will not come to light now in my home. I CANNOT and WILL not ruin their beliefs in family, fidelity, and how does this sound...

YES, MY DARLING SONS..... (who are tiny men now)... "DAD DID NOT PROTECT HIS WEENIE LIKE MOM and DAD HAVE ALWAYS TOLD YOU IS A MUST!!.... " "AND FORGET all that AIDS talk... SO WHAT THAT DAD RISKED MY LIFE!!

"Hey Boys! Lookie HERE- Your DAD IS A FREAK! DON'T EVER listen to this [censored]-wipe when he preaches to you!!" We all know how preteens are DRAMA seekers. This can very well give them the green light to act out or to PRACTICE what they are taught in their home.

See, you should take this statement over to TOW!!!!! LETS discuss it there! I wish!! That whole freaking thread over there-- I brought up ZILLIONS of points like this-- and OOPS they forget to answer or address ANY OF THEM!! None!!!!!!!

This is the HEART OF THE DECISION for NC for so many of these MM and for us BWs-- protecting our chidren. NOT introducting them at their age to the SICK AND SAD reality that WE AS ADULTS LIVE... they DON'T understand yet how CRUEL life can be... and they should not have to!!!!!

I FULLY understand that my H hurt ALL OF US, KIDS included for his mistakes. HOWEVER, because someone hurts someone they love in the past-- does that mean he "should have thought of these kids before...." ?? I mean, should we allow our kids to be hurt again JUST BECAUSE they were before? No way. Further damage control is a must for the kids, period.

If you have C and your kids know about it-- I don't knock you!!!!! I think it is great!!! BUT, its a personal choice pursuant to ages/personalities/circumstances, etc of the children invovled.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:07 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

I feel for you BS's having to deal with the OW in real life "at all" due to them plopping out your husband's children and you being involved with the children.

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

My apologies if I misinterpert this statement baba2, but IMO, that in itself is a "blanket statement". I CHOOSE these children. I CHOOSE for them to be in my life.....if I felt I "had to deal with them" it wouldn't have been very much of a choice would it?

Hi, here is what I meant by this. You BS MAY choose to have the OC children in your life. You may not choose this.

BUT IT IS FOR DARN SURE YOU DON'T WANT THE OW IN YOUR LIFE IN ANY FORM.

(Yet, because of the OC that you choose to let into your life and nurture, you "have" to have some contact with the "mother" the OW that has had sex with your husbands. This is the height of tolerance in my opinion and I applaud you for "doing it because of the child involved". If it were me, I would cut the OC and the OW out of my life. I do not have enough tolerance )

Joshmom---

I was NOT talking about you with regard to being deleted, etc.... I was talking about a pompous self-riteous baby who can dish it out but who cannot take it. You know... the one w/the curlers and padded house coat! LOL!!

And my reply to your post re: Finding- was only to uplift Finding- not put you down in the process. I don't have any clue of your situation or your history to judge you or whatever. I sure hope in 8 years and NC, etc.. that you are still not over this guy!! LOL!!!

Furthermore, it is not *my* right to judge YOU OR ANY OW as if I am God. I get nervous reading some of these posts about throwing all OW to the flames...... Ladies, our H got a second chance. Lets not minimize the importance of forgiveness and of allowing others to CHANGE their lives as our H did!! Or as I have done in my life!! I wasn't always such a great human being!! Be careful of where your anger gets you-- don't damn others to hell because that is not our job.

VENT VENT AWAY !!!!! Of course!!! But for our own well beings..... the statement above !! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> nymedic said:
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Just as I dont think that the BC need to know EVERY sordid detail about Dad's affair... " Well you DAD is a cheating [censored] and got some whore pregnant" would not be a very healthy way to explain the A to the children...
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">YES YES YES- THERE IS NO WAY TO EXPLAIN AN A THAT IS HEALTHY, SILLY!!!!! SO.... THE BC SHOULD NOT KNOW AT ALL how terrible their father acted!!!!! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">now that's not what I meant and I think you know that... ( although I may have misinterpreted your post... I am really tired today)

I mean they dont need to hear things like your father is a scumbag cheating basatard who could have given me STD's and he doesnt love us or he would have never done this to us. There is a way to say it.." Your father made a very big mistake etc etc... but he is very sorry and is trying to make things better for all of us and we love you very much, and NONE OF THIS IS YOUR FAULT you dear sweet innocent child! .

but NOT... Daddy went to THIS HOTEL with OW WH%RE and they did this that... and then Daddy lied to me, and then Daddy said he loved OW but didnt mean it Daddy said she was a good lay etc blah blah blah.. the children dont need THAT.


just as OW should not ssay to OC, you father was a piece of **** cowardwho lied to me , wanted me to ABORT you, then changed his mind.. seems he just wanted me for sex after all etc etc...


I dont know what I will say to my child when she gets older. It depends on whether or not he contiues contact with his daughter. I think it will be easier to explain if he goes NC go figure! But I will just have to explain as honestly as possible... without making it into something ugly.

Like, you Daddy and I were once very much in love, Daddy was married to someone else but was having problems at the time... then things didnt work out between so he went back to live with his other family... but he still loves you very much. an IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT you sweet innocent child.


i think that's something we , all of us as Mothers need to stress to all our children BCs & OCs... THIS IS NOT YOUR FAULT, and YOU ARE LOVED AND WANTED!


<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:30 AM: Message edited by: nycmedic ]</small>

OK, I forgive OW who have OC who regret what they did, realize the pain they caused the family, who do not demand any child support, do not have contact with the father and leave the "real family" alone.

I cannot forgive the OW who demand CS and other things, call the MM, call the family and make trouble, and harrass the "real wife", still want to get with the MM if they can, refuse to use birth control, trick the MM into the pregnancy, and make the innocent OC life difficult. I cannot quite accept these types of OW.

niosgirl,

You crack me up everytime you open your mouth! you still are a breathe of fresh air eventhough you are going through the same as the rest of us.

hope to be like you oneday soon!! Keep me laughing, girl!!

-Oh and just my 2 cents - I think a lot of OW really do think that OC is a way of hanging onto the MM. They have thoughts of living the life that the BW has or the life that the MM may have insinuated (msp) that they could share together. ALL in all I think they are fooling themselves as well as MM fooling them.

So get a grip when it doesn't go as you planned it's no one's fault, but your own. You are going to be held accountable for your actions - only (same goes for the MM)!

JT

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I cannot forgive the OW who demand CS and other things, call the MM, call the family and make trouble, and harrass the "real wife", still want to get with the MM if they can, refuse to use birth control, trick the MM into the pregnancy, and make the innocent OC life difficult. I cannot quite accept these types of OW. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I know what you mean. *I* have a really really HARD time w/these types of OW that exist or crappy people in general. I struggle to keep my mouth shut, to not judge, etc... etc.... and THEN I realize-- THANK GOD (no pun intended) THAT THIS IS HIS JOB, NOT MINE!!! We'd be out there like the Terminator taking out all OW/MM right after DDAY! LOL!!!!

Or MAYBE we will just kill the MMen and call ourselves THE SPERMINATORS????

The child support thing-- I am very torn on. I don't like abortion at all--- YET being in this situation it SUCKS that men have no say-- and that women CAN GIVE UP the child for FREE and be considred wonderful.... etc etc.... BUT as I told my own H... I don't believe the xow was WRONG for having this baby (as he thinks)... SO... that means (IMO) that A SET AMOUNT regardless of THE H'S INCOME that is CAPPED and sufficient IS 100% right and deserved, and part of the DEBT MM has to pay for his past. (in other words if the MM is RICH, so what- you didn't build that fortune, and the OC doesn't need all that $$$ to be fed, happy and healthy, kwim?)

baba-- How long ago were you betrayed or what is your situation? I apologize but am unfamiliar w/your story. I TOTALLY understand your FURY-- oh BELIEVE ME I do-- but would like to see you sort thru some of your misconceptions, AS I DID WHEN I WAS NEW TO THIS!!! I was TAUGHT so much here.. and even, yes, thru the other board by LEARNING about life and human beings in general.... tollerance you do not have- but to live this life you MUST be tollerant at times, or be miserable!!!

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:48 AM: Message edited by: giovanna123 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> BUT IT IS FOR DARN SURE YOU DON'T WANT THE OW IN YOUR LIFE IN ANY FORM.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">And you know this how, exactly?????? Got a crystal ball in there somewhere (sorry, hang on...gotta get a crowbar out to pull my panties out of the twist they just got in)????? Our OW made a mistake JUST LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE DO....the difference between MY/OUR OW is that she WILL not do anything to raise herself up out of the miasma of her own creation...IF SHE DID, YOU CAN BET YOUR HINEY THAT I'D BE RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST MOST RIGHT DECISIONS FOR THE BABIES WITH HER. I TRIED. I did...I offered to help her to help them to do anything that my h and I could for them and it BLEW UP IN MY FACE.

I couldn't have anymore babies...but God wasn't done with me. I may not like his choice in bringing my family to even more fruition, but I WILL do my best to handle it with as much grace as I can.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I do not have enough tolerance </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">If I had a quarter for every time I've heard that.... But tolerance is purely subjective...you never, ever know for certain what you are capable of tolerating till you're put in the position.

And Baba - I am not in any way attacking you or negating any of your points. I feel after all this board has gone through that sometimes we have to add this paragraph as a general disclaimer. You have VERY valid and human feelings to this situation. Thank you for sharing your view with me. It does help ME, personally, when I can see the larger ripples in the pond, instead of just where the stone landed and made the waves.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I cannot forgive the OW who demand CS and other things, call the MM, call the family and make trouble </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You just described our OW to a "t". Isn't it a horrible and sad way to live life.......I pray someday she finds peace and happiness without it being at someone else's expense.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">hope to be like you oneday soon!! </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">You're better than me, JT...you're strong and sweet and lovable and fun!

Speaking of OW who makes trouble here's my latest link:

Update

As you can see, sometimes it's hard to wish blessings on VD's head......lol.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong>

Or MAYBE we will just kill the MMen and call ourselves THE SPERMINATORS????

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMAO!

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 11:59 AM: Message edited by: nycmedic ]</small>

I have no excuse to be angry because the only thing personally I have to relate to you with was my husband had a girlfriend years ago (before meeting me so she really was not an OW) who tricked him into pregnancy, used the kid to manipulate him and cheat on him. (for a while, told him it was another man's child).

Now the child is 24 and has 4 kids of her own. She was born disabled and her liver is ruined because of the mom's drinking and drugging during the pregnancy yet not disabled enough not to produce 4 kids of her own.

These four grandkids of my H are miserable since the abusive fathers keep moving in on my H's daughters life using her and beating the kids. Three times the kids were taken away due to abuse from their mom (my H'S daughter) and her boyfriends.

We get calls from her demanding money. My H won't send her money since it never helps. It is miserable but they live far away and I have not met her or the kids except on the phone.

I am still mad at my H for being so stupid. He was 25 and the girlfriend he was having sex with was 17. Big mistake. He paid 21 years of child support. He tried to care for his daughter when the mom would let him. Then, when his daughter was 17, he moved out of state.

But this is NOT a problem compared to you guys.

<small>[ November 09, 2004, 12:13 PM: Message edited by: baba2 ]</small>

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> call the MM, call the family and make trouble, and harrass the "real wife", still want to get with the MM if they can </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I had to laugh at this, sounds SSOOOO much like Xmm. Up until a month ago he was still calling my sister and stopping by my fathers house. He was still harressing me on line.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> Our OW made a mistake JUST LIKE A LOT OF PEOPLE DO....the difference between MY/OUR OW is that she WILL not do anything to raise herself up out of the miasma of her own creation...IF SHE DID, YOU CAN BET YOUR HINEY THAT I'D BE RIGHT THERE BESIDE HER TRYING TO MAKE THE BEST MOST RIGHT DECISIONS FOR THE BABIES WITH HER. I TRIED. I did...I offered to help her to help them to do anything that my h and I could for them and it BLEW UP IN MY FACE.
</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Same thing happened here. I tried to help Xow, when she was pregnant I brought her new baby stuff, told her what ever she needs to call. When H starting seeing Oc I sent diapers and clothes. Offered to babysit all her children, gave her my kids old clothes to help out with her other kids. Even had all of her kids over night while she was by her dads side at the hospital. Talk about it blowing up. Some people no matter what you do can't hadle you loving the Oc.

Another thing, I can't believe that the courts these days makes the father pay for the mothers wrong doings. Xow screwed up, had her kids taken aways now H has to pay for Oc lawyer? What is up with that?

((((((((((((((CM)))))))))))))))))))

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong> I sure hope in 8 years and NC, etc.. that you are still not over this guy!! LOL!!!
</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I HOPE that you meant that I was OVER him!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> LOL I have been over him for a looooooong time..

Oi! So, if I am a married woman and I had an affair and got pregnant, what is my title exactly? is there a EW (evil woman)? Because OW doesn't seem to just fit. And is anyone else a married woman in this situation because I could use some advice on how to handle this situation wisely and Godly now that I am trying to do so. (obviously wasn't before)

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> (evil woman)? </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Don't you DARE go there! I mean it. We're not here to beat you up, darlin. Personally, I hate the titles even tho they are the closest descriptive things we have right now. You are a person. With a baby. Both who need love and support right now. There are a couple of FWW (former wayward wives) on this board. You are most welcome here.....

((((HUGS)))))

- Kimmy

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by nycmedic:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by giovanna123:
<strong>

Or MAYBE we will just kill the MMen and call ourselves THE SPERMINATORS????

</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">LMAO! </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">I was thinking the exact thing.........LMAO

I'm new and just wanted to add that I don't hate ow in my life, I pity her. She has made it perfectly clear that she will tell oc that her father didn't want her and chose another woman, me, over them. Ow's mom got pregnant with her at age 15. Ow did not have a dad, now ow has a baby by a mm, my fwh, and ow doesn't want contact. (my h still on the fence, I don't care either way)This woman is a mean-hearted and unhappy person. I hired a private investigator while she was pregnant. She had sex with 4 different men while pregnant, most believed to be one-night stands. She drank often...so far oc seems unnaffected...thank God. She has harrassed and threatened me so many times,I've lost count. She even told me after oc was born, when I called to see how she was doing and congratulate her, that if I hadn't chased after my h while they were together that she and he would be a family! I have never said anything cruel to her nor have I ever raised my voice, I have been firm and will continue to be so.
Through all this I do not wish her anything more then she has brought on herself. She may never understand the full consequences of what she's done, but I guarantee she'll feel them all the same. She can blame me, my h, her mom...even God and it won't make any difference. She has made a terrible life for herself, now she has to live it.
If my h decides he wants custody of his child I will hire another private detective and without the least bit of guilt prove she is unfit and help my h raise his this child as if it were my own. I would never say anything bad about ow nor do I hold the circumstances of this child's birth against her. But ow made her own bed and I do not begrudge her it.
When I get up in the morning I am wrapped up in my h's arms, I am loved and cherished. I go through my day working and planning our future. I don't think of her anymore. How much energy does this woman spend being angry instead of concentrating on being happy? At every turn she tries to break us, filing for more cs every 3 mos. It's funny her wages continue to drop and her daycare costs rise...kinda sounds like our gov't.LOL!! She tried to get part of our mutual funds...didn't happen. She tried to get my h's retirement...didn't happen, She even called my h's parents and wanted info on his trust fund. My MIL in a tigress in high heels...she didn't get far there either. She spends so much time and energy and legal fees??, attacking us that I wonder when she has time to enjoy oc? Does her whole life revolve around this situation because ours sure doesn't.
I'm 7 mos pregnant with our third child and my h will be home soon...hopefully with a milkshake. I'm going to slip into something sexy...he likes me pg... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> G'night.

Nios have I told you lately that your a pretty smart cookie with a heart of gold???? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Nah, Mary, but I think you pretty much rock, too!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!