Ok since there are no private messages here, I have to post a thread. I've been told not to be judgmental and mean here, so I'm going to try and be nice abut this. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

Cheerfullittleone wrote:

I have been a serial OW (although I do not exclusively date MM's) and I must say, I would probably do it again.

I noticed this on "the swimming alone" thread and I was wondering your thoughts, and how you came to this state of mind. Because lord knows I don't want my daughter growing up wanting to always be second banana to some guy.

My second observation,

cheerfullittleone wrote:

I have never cheated on anyone in my life but I certainly have contributed to A's as the third party. (It doesn't make it right, but it makes it "acceptable" to me that "I" am not cheating on anyone).

Hmm your ways of thinking are well...frankly ludicrous <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> . I'm not sure if you know this, but HELLO! you are cheating, several people at that. Your cheating the wife out of her husband, your cheating the innocent children, their life. Yes the blame falls on the WH, but since you clearly know that what your doing is not right, you share the blame. I'm not trying to attack you here, but please enlighten me here, because I wish not to make the mistakes your parents made in developing your mind set. Good grief!

CHeerful, it doesn't make sense what you are saying. Just becuase ONE parent cheated does not mean that marraige is of no value-it means that that ONE parent did not value it. You made your own value judgement after that. YOU chose to be an OW so it had nothing to do w/ your cheating parent. Your NON-cheating parent could have been showing you how much they chose to value marriage but you choose not to take that stance! I find that to be a lamest excuse for being an OW that I have ever heard.

And you were not the 3rd party in the A, you were ONE of 2. THe W is not in the A.

SO the parent you hated/resented/whatever-you ultimately become attracted to? Whoa--lots of psycho-analization in that one. Are you still trying to get that acceptance from the cheating parent or felt cheated by losing your family due to the cheating parent's behavior so you gain that acceptance by another 'cheating parent' out there?

(Or was it your mother that was the WS? I'm confused about that part.)

So the situation that you grew up w/ that hurt you so bad you are willingly helping to create (or have in the past) for other children out there?

I just don't get it.

XangelX,

I didn't mean to imply that I wanted to be second to anyone. If anything, I think of myself first. I want, and I get- that's me. If we mutually want a relationship and he's married to someone else, that is HIS commitment to another person, not mine.
I've contributed to cheating but I have never broken a commitment of monogomy to anyone that I personally have made.

Oh, and I don't only date MM's, I date SG's too- I date anyone who I have an interest in. I'm single, I can date anyone I want who voluntarily wants to date me too- I'm not tied down to anyone.

I'm not out looking for a MM but I wanted to be honest and say that it a possibility that I get involved in a situation like this again. I don't think it's right and I'm not trying to justify anything I've done to anyone here. I'm only being honest.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Originally posted by ktbunch:
<strong> CHeerful, it doesn't make sense what you are saying. Just becuase ONE parent cheated does not mean that marraige is of no value-it means that that ONE parent did not value it. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">Yes, I know that NOW, as an ADULT. Try telling it to a child though- there's no concept. In my home, the WS chose to leave the family while the BS wanted the M to work. I sided with the BS and hated the WS for the damage that was done to the entire family. As much sympathy as I had for the BS, it wasn't enough to teach me that marriage is something to be respected.

But that's me, personally, and everyone reacts differently to the situation. Hopefully your children learn to respect marriage.


Edit:
Forgot to reply to your acceptance inquisition-

I am completely accepted by both parents and have wonderful relationships with them- better than I ever dreamed possible.

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 06:13 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

I don't think it's right and I'm not trying to justify anything I've done to anyone here. I'm only being honest.

Then WHY do you do it?

Like I said before......so the pain you went through...you willingly contribute towards another 'innocent' child.....???

I think my children WILL respect marriage (they do currently) because I we are teaching them to respect it.

I think saying that YOU have NO commitment to the W is also a LAME EXCUSE.

You are cheating the W though. YOu are cheating her out of time (if nothing else, although there is more) from her WS. (yes so is he) You are also cheating his children (if there are any).

This whole, "not my commitment so I'm doing nothing wrong" stance is so over-used ( & SO highschool)& is nothing but an excuse. You even stated that you know it's wrong but you continue to do it. That would make you an accomplice to the crime. The type of person who sees someone else doing something wrong/hurting another & you just 'overlook' it for you own selfish needs or whatever!

That to me, is the lowest of the low.

I do appreciate your honesty. It must take a lot of guts to admit something so unconscionable (sp?) & brazen. You either have a lot of gall OR you NEED a lot of THERAPY!

And that whole I want it-I get it attitude is also familiar to me. I see it every day in my 2 yo! This world is NOT about what YOU want. And living in it does not entitle you to get whatever you want. There is something called SELF-CONTROL that we should use every day if we have ANY self-respect.

Some have lofty ambitions that they aspire to,have a goal--go after it--but we are talking about ambitions NOT someone else's HUSBAND!!!

Is that what you will teach your child as well? THat they are entitled to whatever they WANT. Oh wait--I bet you suscribe to the 'whatever makes you feel good' type of moral mentality too?

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />


LOL dang...do you realize how frustrating it was to type this right now becuase of my thinking faster than I can properly type???? LOL I had to correct a million typos & I bet there are still some! sorry.

Gosh, I don't know what my children will think about the sanctity of marriage. I sided with my betrayed parent- my heart was with them for years; but I did the exact opposite when I became an adult.
It's hard to say what will happen with my children- it could go either way.

And my attitude was basically taught to me in this sense "You can do anything you want to do in life". I've done a lot in my life, I still do alot- I just never learned some of the boundaries involved with that statement.

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 07:13 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

Now that you are an adult (& I am assuming you've been one for awhile) You KNOW right from wrong. So there is no excuse.

The thinking is still infantile to think you are entitled to 'get anything you want in life'. So you can steal something if you don't have the $ because you want it, or even if you have the $ becuase you want it. You can kidnap someones child because you want it? I mean w/ your attitude ANYTHING goes. YOu can drag it out to a million examples of doing things just becuase you want to.

I think you would say "of course not" but.....these are very similiar scenarios to getting invovled w/ a MM.

How can you feel good about yourself? Or is that it? YOU can only feel good if YOU get somethign YOu want....& when that wears off you go after soemthing else or some other conquest?

I tell my kids..............you can be whatever you want in this life.........but I have also taugh thtem right from wrong so they KNOW when I say that I am NOT referring to being a pimp, prostitute or murderer. They know it is not a LITERAL statement. IT is an ambitious statement WITH, as you said, boundaries.

Is this a for real conversation? Becuase it seems like these are obvious concepts.

You KNOW it is WRONG & that you're involved in hurting other innocent people BUT you will continue to do it anyway?????

That attitude reminds me of the OW in my life EXCEPT you seemed much SMARTER than her! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />


utterly perlexed....and running late,
kt

KT,
That's why I said "SOME of the boundaries". I'm not out stealing, commiting arson or murdering people. I'm not physically or verbally abusive to people either.

I have just never known marriage as a true commitment. It was never tought to me as a child- as an adult I have not saught out the means in which to obtain the view point that you all have. Lead me there and I will read. I've just never experienced a true, happy, honest, trustworthy, respectful marriage- I do not have faith that it exists.

Kind of like religion I suppose- How do you teach an athiest to have faith in God?


I have no problem feeling good about myself. I have a lot of great personal and physical qualities, I've accomplished a great deal, I do a lot of charity work, I have beautiful, happy children who bring so much joy to my life, I have a wonderful career and the best family and friends a person could ask for. I am very grateful for everything I have. I would be crazy to not feel good about myself.

I'm not perfect, but the good that I do far outweighs the bad. It doesn't matter anyway, like I said, I'm not out to justify anything about myself. I'm mainly just here to read and learn and every now and then I can't keep my mouth shut.

<small>[ December 09, 2004, 08:11 PM: Message edited by: CheerfulLittleOne ]</small>

KT - you go girl. Thanks for the post replying to Ms. Cheerfulone - Who, if the truth was to be known, more than likely, is not very cheerful. How could you be with such an childish attitude and an unrealistic look at life. Sad very sad. One to take pity on.

Spare me.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

So you don't have faith that happy, honest, trustworthy, respectful marriage can exist. That is your prerogative.

Just because you don't believe in it for yourself...does that mean you have to go out and blatantly disrespect it?

Take religion. Because I am a certain religion, should I disrespect others? Should I go burn down their places of worship? Of course not!

Or politics. Because I belong to a certain political party, should I go and sabotage the votes for the other party? Of course not!

A person has every right to do as she/he pleases, as long as it does not negatively affect someone else.

So, you don't believe that good marriages exist...fine, don't get married. But it doesn't mean you have to help tear down the marriages of others.

Show some respect for your fellow human beings.

Cheerful, I'm a teacher, and I see attitudes like yours (I want what I want when I want it, and I'll get it, even if it hairlips the governor!)every day at work.

Sometimes even the children act that way. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

The difference, of course, is that the children (most of them, anyway) will outgrow that kind of behavior and realize it's disrespectful to themselves as well as to others. Sometimes it even wrecks people's lives. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

For the ones who are already grown, we can only hope they are as fortunate as you are -- to have leagues of loved ones, gallons and barrels of self-respect, and all kinds of outstanding men with whom to spend time.

I wish you the best. And that's the truth. I really do.
PM

Gardenbunny,
I'm not out with a picket sign that says "Aspiring Homewrecker- Will Screw You For Fun".
I fell for a man who told me his W had kicked him out and was divorcing him. My bad.

Okay, so did you learn your lesson? Probably not, if you say you'd "probably do it again."

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

CheerfulLittleOne,

A reminder once again!

This is a Marriage Support Board !

A "serial OW", that would "probably do it again" (your words) really has nothing to offer in the way of marriage building advice, skills or support.

Perhaps you might search further for a board that supports your lifestyle.

This one clearly does not....

It's pretty disheartening to think so many have this kind of attitude about A's. I mean, it's a sad fact, just look at the boards that support affairs. They are ripe with people with this same sort of callous attitude towards another woman. The men who go after these women are as much to blame, they take advantage of that callousness.

OW are not the only ones these days that seem to have no respect for marriage. At my H's work he is constantly getting pressured to go out for drinks with the guys after work. The go to topless bars and then downtown to party. My H say's no a lot when they ask him to go so they start saying he's whipped or I've got him by the short hairs. So sometimes he'll go for a while and then duck out. They give him grief over that too. Hello, he's trying to respect our M. He KNOWS that going out like that is nothing but trouble. I tell him I appreciate the fact he realizes that, I know a lot of H's wouldn't give a rat's a$$ what it was doing to their M. Especially since I have hurt him so bad in our M. He amazes me sometimes... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Of course, a majority of these guys are single, divorced, or unhappily married. I wonder why? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Can I get an AMEN for JUSTUS!
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D

AMEN!.......

Cheerfullittleone you baffle me. I mean I give you props for being honest. I'm the same way, I like to tell it like it is, but there is a place for it. For instance I wouldn't go over to TOW and call them homewreckers, even though I may think different, I wouldn't say it. Let me give you a clue cheerful. You shouldn't say things like I'd do it again, because it's just WRONG. even though I'm sure you will. Look around you, this board is full of people hurting because of the pain that people with your mind set have caused.Look at all the lives that have been destroyed, go read in general questions, and you'll find posts about children devastated because their daddy's aren't around. You say your life is just dandy, how can you not feel guilty knowing you have contributed to the downfall of sacred marriages?

What goes around comes around, I pity your children. Let's hope they don't ever have to feel the heartwrenching devastation of a cheating partner. What would you say to them, when you support it.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> I'm not out stealing, commiting arson or murdering people. </font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">But you willingly and knowingly caused harm to someone you didn't know, and say you'd do it again. Bully for you. There's a word for that: bent - quite a few: warped, narcissistic, selfish, walking nightmare, disgusting, immoral, and above all mean and hateful.

Don't like how society percieves you? Change yourself. Society as a whole won't. Don't care what society thinks? There's a diagnosis for that:

anti-social personality disorder: one of the symptoms being: lack of remorse, as indicated by being indifferent to or rationalizing having hurt, mistreated, or stolen from another

I sincerely hope you're in therapy.

Why bother? We cant be here to change her, it shows why she is here. There is no one that can change the way she feels and there are alot of people like her (STOW) that we have to deal with. It does prove to the new ones here what their OW may be like or thinking , nothing else. thanks for the GREAT example of what a real STOW can be like and the way they think. You are a sad person, hope you find your way.
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> Sunny D