</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial"> ....he is not dealing with my insecurities and not going to counseling. I told him this is what he has and if won't deal then he can leave. He said he can't he doesn't have anywhere to go and not enough finances to get a place by himself.

</font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Arial">TR, what is left to say. You know in your heart that he is not wanting to rebuild your marriage right now. How can a human being, with any heart at all-- tell you he is "not dealing with" your insecurities? ugh.. Its like the WS is a monster. The twisted behaviours and coldness.. aaahh sweetie your poor heart. I cringe when I remember my H this way.

What did I do? I did what I believe a woman, with any dignity and strength she can muster up should do. I worked on me (and you said you want to begin to do this!).. I had to take me as a sitting duck, out of the equation! I had to begin to tell him his problems were his and that I could no longer take this extreme emotional abuse. I told him I AM SOMEONE-- I AM AWESOME and i WILL NOT ALLOW any person, even my H to take my life and my sanity away ANYMORE.

I sought out a home to rent to own and I packed up boxes and I told him I was going to be ok even if he didnt love me or want me anymore. Sounds far fetched to you right now, doesnt it? But guess what, TR-- my H came chasing me like a teenager first in love. These men cannot many times understand how precious their M, w, family is until they are in fear of losing them. This is something that is very hard, but once I embarked on this journey of self-healing and protection, my H followed. He did not want to be left in the wreckage of his own disaster-- he wanted to come along with me. It worked faster than I ever could have realized when I did what God wanted and loved me.

I did not have a baby, and I had my own paycheck. These things were on my side. Are you a SAHmother? I dont recall. You are going to have to take your own tools and situation and make something happen. YOU CAN DO IT! you are NOT a prisoner to this painful life! You are not living now, TR. But you can! I belive H's cold and unkind behaviour is enough sign from God, dont you?

Please dont feel you are weak for not having a plan or for putting up with this-- WE ALL HAVE BEEN THERE. But now that I look at others from "the other side" I just want to stand them up on their 2 able feet, square up their shoulders and remind them that YOU CAN CHANGE YOUR LIFE! Do not feel you cannot. That is utterly untrue, TR !

You show that husband of yours that you are all that-- that you are worth it-- but you have to react as a person who will NOT stand for this anymore!

You HAVE begun to expose and to explore - and that IS PROGRESS! I am proud of you TR, you are changing a little even from your first posts of last week, etc. Every step is so vital and you have taken a couple!!!!!

((TR))) YOU ARE Strong and ABLE to stand up and take your life back-- to achieve happiness!!