My wife has a cell phone that she uses for her business at a flea market. Two ot three weeks ago I hear the name Elton. Two weeks ago I was with her and this SOB hung around for hours. I talk to her and let her know that this guy is after her. This SOB is in town doing some work and may be around for awhile. <P>I just now get a phone call from him on her phone (it is advestised) and he asks if we are going out this Thursday night to our usual place. Besides being cold enought to freeze north america my only reply was I wasn't such (He can kiss my A__).<P>My wife is a very friend person. She lets meeting and talking to people. I do feel she loves me.<P>BUT WHAT THE HELL IS THIS ??????<P>Am I over reacting ? <P>

Probably. But only you can really know if you are over-reacting. <P>My wife needs to feel attractive, that other men are attracted to her. Now I can either freak out about this, or recognize that she's 32, stunningly beautiful, fun, exciting, and intellegent; but has also been married since age 19 and has four kids. I've decided to trust that she will stay true to the marriage and the family. I not only no longer discourage her from looking so hot she attracts "flys" as we call them, but I encourage it. <P>Why, because that's what her best friend would do - and I need to be her best friend. Remember, most women don't have a need to sleep with the men who find them attractive - they just need to be secure that they are attractive. Unless your wife has a reputation for doing very risky things, I'd suggest letting this thing go, and even trying to make a new family friend out of it.<P>In our case, our best family friend is a guy who I first thought wanted to hit on my wife. I was certainly right that he was and is attracted to her - who wouldn't be. But he's not waiting around for me to die or leave so he can pounce on her, nor does she desire him in that way. <P>Yes, there's a limit. You need to be the one meeting her emotional needs, including recreation, laughter, etc. on a regular basis. If someone else fills on of those social needs very infrequently, while you do them very frequently, then OK. Just don't let the reverse ever happen again. I sure as heck am not.<P>The problem with my wife's EA is that she actually wants to sleep with the guy. It's driving her crazy and making her say, do, and feel stupid things that she doesn't even recognize happening. I left a void, just as you did, in the emotional needs. Now I have to work with her to close that void. So far so good for us - at least for now.<P>Lossen up a bit, love and trust your wife. If she's been affair bitten by someone else, odds are strong that she's not going to allow a third person to have a shot at her. Also, you may want to actually use this third person to get your wife to stop thinging about person number 2. It could actually help your marriage.<P>SamH

Getting Better,<P>It doesn't look good right now, but you can still play to win.<P>That old Dr. Hook song "When Your In Love With A Beautful Woman" warns "you watch your friends." So true.<P>I am sure that there are LOTS of men who would jump at the chance to be "just a friend" with SamH's gorgeous wife and hope to eventually win her over with time. It can easily happen when men are extremely highly motivated to succeed. And his wife is human; hence, the EA happened. I wish SamH well in overcoming it and it sounds like he will.<P>I think it's much healthier to give her what all this external male attention is giving her without involving other men. Take your wife to Glamour Shots or some place like that, get a big portfolio together, they will make her queen for a day and she will thoroughly enjoy it. She can always enjoy these pictures in various outfits looking her very best for the rest of her life as she ages. You can put them in several rooms in your home and let friends and family comment on her attractive appearance.<P>Surprise her with a fully body beauty treatment at one of those all day salons. Pedicure, manicure, facial, the works. Then meet her afterwards for a romantic dinner.<P>Maybe have her do some part-time modeling. Not for money but for the ego boost. The essential thing is, be there with her, be part of the experience so that she associates the good feelings with you.<P>

GB<P>I think you got really good advise from two different angles.<P>Here is my opinion, you sound like you are at least a little concerned. I don't blame you,but then I have been betrayed, so I would be the worried one.<P>The only thing that bugs me, is talking and meeting people is one thing. Going places is another. Thats recreation, that you should share with your spouse. Also, does she talk to women as much as men? And will she be OK if the table was turned and you were the one talking to women>? Just curious.<P>I know I read somewhere you can never trust your spouse 100%. Not sure if it was on MB or somewhere else. ALso, any of those actions do open up the possibility for an affair. <P>Good luck, Dana<BR>

As the betrayer:<P>where there is smoke there is fire.<P>period

Thanks to everyone for your responses. How true all of them are. If anyone has been reading some of my posts you see a few comments about how the brain selective filters reality to prove what it wants. She did catch on to my feelings last night when I passed on the message. Below is the TRUE facts (I sort of missed a few).<P>-- One this guy was hitting on someone else over at the flea market. My wife even made the commment to him that he should be getting her phone and not giving her his.<P>-- He is leave town this weekend for good and just wanted to get togehter before he left.<P>-- The wife is very careful around men now. She had already consider what are his motives.<P>Now that I feel like a A__hole, hopefully others will use this as an example of how the brain works in the real world.<P>Gotta go and find a hole to my head in now<P>Joe