To be betrayed is a horrible feeling, even after you've talked about it. I don't know how to feel, I hurt now and later, I feel okay. I could be thinking about good things and all of a sudden, there's what happen to just crush me. I feel so bad sometimes, my nerves in my stomach balls up there in the center and just sit there. i want to rid these feelings without hurting anyone, or hurting myself, what must I do?

Melinda - believe me when I say I know exactly how you feel. I went through it too. Those periods when it feels like the world is falling down around you may be anxiety attacks due to depression. Do you have these other symptoms: lost weight or gained weight, can't sleep or want to sleep all the time, irritable, can't concentrate, loss of motivation? These and other symptoms can be due to severe depression. I know because that's what happened to me. Went from 145 lbs. to 125 in two weeks. Couldn't sleep. Once stayed awake for 36 hours straight wound as tight as an 8 day clock. <P>Please go see a doctor as soon as possible. There are good medications for depression, but it takes 4 to 8 weeks for them to take effect, but they work. Admitting you need help is a sign of strength.<P>Keep us informed.<P>WAT

Back to top -<P>Somebody else back me up on my advice to Melinda - give her some support!!<P>WAT

Melinda - I think it is on the cover of Harley's Surviving an Affair that he compares what we are dealing with to "the emotional rollercoaster of your life" I have found nothing as accurate (ok, "heart ripped out and stomped on", applies too!)<BR>I have been dealig with this for almost a year now - most days I feel good and am happy with my life (we are separated, getting divorced) - I know I did everything I could. But sometimes, like yesterday, something set me off and I put my head down and cried. Maybe for what could have been, maybe for all of the lies - I don't really know. But slowly, the affair and everything about it becomes more factual than emotional and that makes it easier. In my mind, it is much like dealing with the death of a loved one. <BR>And, as many here will tell you - however things work out, this trial will make you stronger.<BR>Peace<BR>M.

Melinda,<P>You didn't say how recent the disclosure is for you, but it sounds like the pain is raw...<P>You walk a fine line - sometimes it is good to just FEEL, spend time alone and just cry or express the anger.<P>But if you find that you are *spinning* in a loop of thoughts, it is helpful to distract yourself. Redirect your thoughts to something positive.<P>The good news is that while there is still pain a year later, it is not raw. I am eating and sleeping and beginning to live again. I hope this helps a little bit...