Wassi,<P>Just checking in. I don't have much to add. The others have been so eloquent in their replies to you. I just want to offer you a cyber-hug.<P>((((Wassi))))

Wassi,<P>I just caught this thread as I don't come over too often...<P>My question is this...<P>Have you developed a plan?? Do you want your marriage??<P>If you do, you now have <B>ALL</B> the tools to get through this in the proper way way via <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A and Plan B</A>. The trick right now with all the pain and anger steaming through you system is to not commit <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A>.<P>If he is showing you any attention there might be hope still. Have you what it takes to tuff it out is the big question...<P>Dig out your copy of <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6070_sa.html" TARGET=_blank>Surviving An Affair"(SAA)</A> by Dr. Willard Harley and maybe even go get the the other book, <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi6030_love.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters"</A> by Dr. Willard Harley.<P>Just know we love you and will be walking through this with you. I really don't want to see another "old" timer on the Divorce board.<P>Love ya,<P>Bill<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wasi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 21, 2001).]<P>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 21, 2001).]<p>[This message has been edited by WilliamJ (edited January 21, 2001).]

It seems like some people just don't understand the concept that lying is wrong. To them, lying is ok if it makes their lives easier, or postpones consequences. <P>I used to think my H was basically truthful. Since the affair began, he has lied to everyone - to me, to the kids, to his boss, I imagine to the OW. The other day during a meeting with our youngest's teacher he told them that he takes her on weekends - he actually takes her one day every 4 weeks. He was later asked if he works for a company in a particular field, and he said yes. He has actually been unemployed for almost 9 months. He was then asked if the company was in the town in which he lives - luckily for him, someone then changed the subject before he dug the hole any deeper. Apparently it is ok to lie to avoid embarrassment, to avoid difficult questions, to avoid ... anything.

Thank you all for being here!<BR>I didn't get much sleep last night. my oldest came home late and had some serious things to discuss with me. Now I think he needs to take precedence ovver everything.<P>Samantha<BR>You are always so optomistic. You always see the begining of something. I am not there yet today. But I'm glad i didn't disappoint you.<P>Deb<BR>You know I love you too. I wish you were here with the 2X4. I'm too tired to lift it.<P>peppermint<BR>I told him last night that if I ever heard the word "friends" again I would do something very serious....probably illegal.<P>When I said he thought I knew...I meant that he thought I had already made that discovery. He was quite certain at the time that I didn't know what was going on. He thought this was something I had figured out with the rest of the garbage.<BR>No my friend...I don't think that he is going to get it. When I say "more than an affair" I mean that this is so twisted it was more of a life/personality he developed with her over the years. The person he is now is a result of that relationship.<P>Sudz<BR>You ask some very good questions. <BR>I do like a lot of things about him now.....on a good day. He has made some major changes. I'm just not sure if they are enough. Thank you for all your thoughts. They really help.<P>Survivor<BR>Thanks for the hug and everything that comes with it.<P>Bill<BR>i have no thoughts of a Plan right now. I don't have the energy.<BR>Thank you for caring.<P>Nellie<BR>I know what you mean about the lies and I know you understand. <BR>Thank you.<BR>

I have tried to post a reply to you four times and AOL keeps kicking me out. Good thing for my WS that he isn't married to AOL. Ha Ha. <P>Since I apparently cannot type for very long before being ousted, I will email you if I can find your email address. Mine is family1st_642@yahoo.com if you would like to email me. I understand so much of what you are feeling. <P>(((((((((((wasstubborn)))))))))))))

Dear friend, I have been meaning to e-mail you and have been woefully neglectful. Please forgive me!<P>What is up with this?<P>Are you saying she had two homes?<P>It so saddens me you H is not stepping up to the plate to be the man you deserve...<P>Not much to say, but sending hugs and prayers!

DI<BR>my e-mail is mmawilliams@hotmail .com.<BR>Forgive me if I don't get to it right away. The problem with my son needs immediate attention.<P>FHL<BR>You are absolutely right. She had at least two homes. The long distance one she spent very little time at. The other that I know of was a relative. I had no idea that she was living that close during those years.<BR>My perception of what happened has once more been turned upside down.<BR> I moved to this house on the assumption that she was gone from his life. I made a lot of sacrifices to give him his "dream home". All the while he was playing with her. <BR>I feel like such an idiot. And this hasn't even really sunken in yet.<BR>Thank you for always being there my friend.

Wassi,<BR>I have been here reading and reading. I want to add something, BUT.....you already know my thoughts about all this and I don't want everyone here to see a different side of me that isn't pretty....I don't think that they think that I ramp and rave!!!!! LOL<BR>I'm glad that you have opened this up to others also, It is good to talk and get it out. Someday...I say...Someday...This will all end. (one way or another).....<BR>You know how much I hate that you go through so much of this...but, I am always here, not much wisdom I'm afraid, but I can just listen sometimes and keep my mouth shut, NOT!<BR>Keep strong, friend..... You will find the answers you need, not the ones you keep tripping over.<BR>AH<BR>

<B>Wassi</B><P>Just checking in again. I know you know that you are on my mind. So much on your plate right now.<P>I am hoping all is all right with your oldest son? You're right, he has to come first right now. <P>I want to knock your H's butt around the Village Square. Not sure it would do a whole bunch of good, other than serve to feed my frustration and maybe yours? Deb's two by four sounds like a good idea too.<P>No advise of course. Can't fathom what I would do given your situation. PTL my hubby got honest and stayed honest with me. <P>I am still thinking about that little task we were talking about when I come up in eight days. What do you think? I am pretty sure I may be able to rent a car for a day or two. Know I am there for you okay?<P>Until then, all I can offer is another big <B>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wassi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}</B> Wish it could be more. <P>Love ya,<P>------------------<BR><B>God bless you and all of us. We are all going to make it, all of us! With God on our side we can't lose! What God has joined together let no man put asunder. <P>Samantha</B><p>[This message has been edited by A blessed Samantha (edited January 21, 2001).]

AH, Samantha<BR>You both have mail.<BR>Thank you for caring.<P>AH<BR>I don't think I want any more answers. <BR>I am just very tired. Not sure that I can deal with this crap again...mentally and emotionally.<P>samantha<BR>Thank you....I will try to talk to you soon.

Hey, WS ( man, I STILL can't use that nickname! LOL )<P>Nothing really to add; just sending thoughts and prayers your way… us oldtimers have to stick together, after all… especially when times get rough. Nice thing about the down side of this rollercoaster, though… there's always a corresponding upside! <BR><P>------------------<BR>Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die

Hi Wassi,<P>I'm sorry you are feeling that body and mind numbing exhaustion again that accompanies these endless discoveries. <P>Take care of yourself and your sons - as for your H, I just really don't know what to say. I wish he could see what he is doing to you. Sadly I don't think he can.<P>hugs,<BR>Starpony

Whodat<BR>You call me whatever you want. <BR>Now you have promised me an upside....remember that. I've been feeling very much like I'm wandering around the House of Glass instead of riding the roller coaster. You know....wandering around...knowing there is a way out...but bumping into glass every second step.<P>Starpony<BR>You know I always love to see your name. <BR>There isn't much to say. I needed to get this out. <BR>This isn't something he did recently. He certainly wasn't open about the truth about the relationship. It just feels as though I have discovered an old affair on top of the recent one and I am not ready to process those feelings again.<P>If there is a lesson in all of this....it is "Get the truth out completely in the beginning!" <BR>No hedging, minimizing...admit it, get rid of it so you can honestly go forward.<BR>I have just wasted two years processing something that wasn't true. And the three years before that living a complete idiot fallacy.<P>Sorry...you got stuck with my morning vent. I have to get myself together. The next two weeks are going to be very stressful here for a dozen other reasons. It helps to have friends.

Hey wassi,<P>I'm just checking to see how you are. Is there ANYTHING I can do to help you in any way? Besides all the prayers I am praying, I mean.<P>Peppermint

Wassi,<BR>I'm sorry I'm late. You've been on my mind for a few days, I've thought of emailing you as well. <P>One of the thoughts I've had lately is that I can barely deal with the knowledge of the A that I do have, I don't want anymore details. <P>I don't want to minimize your pain. <P>My H's acquaintance with his OW through work goes back nearly as far as your H's. I'll never really know when it "started". There was the pool team fall of 96 & 97 they were on together. I do know he took pains to keep us apart long before he says there was "anything" but friendship. I know when I did happen to go to a party she was at, 3 1/2 years ago she was a b**** to me--and that was also supposed to be months before.<P>So, I know a little about things going on for years and years, continuing when he said it didn't and knowing I'll never know, and not sure if I will ever believe it is truly over/over. It sucks.<P>{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{Wassi}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}<P>So, if commisseration from one of your old MB buds helps, you've got it.<P>I also pray that whatever is going on with your son reaches an optimal outcome.<P>Love,<P>------------------<BR>Lor<BR>"Whatever is true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, gracious...think about these things." Phil 4:8

peppermint<BR>Thank you. I don't think there is anything to do right now. I am in the stage of trying to grasp the level of deceit that he so easlily achieved in those years. And wondering if someone who is capable of that can change. <P>Lor<BR>I have been thinking of you too. I tried to reply to your thread in recovery last week. My computer wouldn't cooperate then all h#@l broke loose here again.<P>I am right with you in your feelings about not knowing if it will ever truly be over. <BR>I am torn between needing to know exactly what was being kept from me and wanting that complete lobotomy.<BR>The sad thing is......I know that before he met her he very rarely lied to me.<BR>

Wassi,<P>I wish I had something wonderful to say that would sooth your soul....but I do not.<P>((((((((((((((wassi)))))))))))<P>So sorry you are still going through this. Can I just say your H would be a great candidate for a clue. Again I am so sorry.

Hi Wassi,<P>I'm just checking on you. Vent all you want. I can imagine how painful it is to find out some old revelations. It never pays to lie. It almost always comes out eventually. I don't understand why most wayward spouses do that...purposely hide things. They seem to think that they'll never get caught. My H did that and 9 months after D-Day, the truth came out. It put our recovery to zero.<P>It really sucks, but you & your H have been in good recovery for awhile. You both have learned new behaviors and have used the tools to make a better marriage. I think that you'll survive this.

Paha<BR>It soothes my soul just to see your name.<BR>Are you okay? I saw your thread just as all this was breaking loose too. Didn't have anything intelligent to reply.<P>Survivor<BR>Thanks for your faith in us. I am just letting the truth sink in right now. You know that feeling. I'm just not sure about anything right now.<BR>Thanks all again.

Dear Wassi....<P>I'm sorry I missed this before. I'm angry now and not capable of good advice, sooooo.....<P>You know I send my love...and hugs. I'll be back.<P>Love,<P>Lori