It is two plus years since d-day. Since I discovered MBs a year ago I have done Plan A a hybrid Plan A/Plan B and then more recently, Plan B. I moved out of home last November. Now I want to go back so have asked H to move out. We met last w/end to discuss arrangements. We actually had a pleasant lunch together - and then he asked "what do you think about divorce" - answer: I dont want divorce but if you do, then go ahead. I will not stand in your way and nor will I walk away from any chance of recovery - but if you want divorce and to be with OW I will not have any further contact. We then went on to discuss divorce proceedings. <P>So - he want divorce but ...<P>(1) told me (again) how much he cares for me; that I am the most significant person in his life; I am his "favourite person"<P>(2) he cried and said he did not know how he would live his life without me - but when pressed said he didnt think it would work for us to get back together (here I LB'd - "and we never had a chance while OW was always hanging around in the background" etc. etc.)<BR> <BR>(3) his response - "I am sorry I ever got involved with her"; "my future is not with her - I will be on my own" (oh yeah); she is "no longer important" ; "I have told her we are finished & she should find someone her own age" - BUT "I will talk to her if she calls me" AND "I have said I will meet her again in a month or so "to confirm we (H and OW) are finished" - blah, blah./<P>(4) within an hour of me leaving (in tears) sent me an e-mail recalling some of the many happy times we have had over the years and referred back to old family jokes; and used my pet name. Said "this may be the biggest mistake of my life and I may regret this forever"<P>(5) during our conversation, offered me a very generous financial settlement which will leave him pretty "broke" - wonder how attractive younger OW will find him then??<P>(6) rang yesterday to ak me to do something with him this w/end - something i have wanted to do for years and suggesting we should "talk again" - I nearly said "Frankly my dear, I dont give a damm ..+ - but I guess I will listen/talk once more - I have nothing to lose - and it could just be about the final arrangements re property etc.<P>Without a doubt this is the hardest situation in my life - and I have faced one or two. I think I would rather deal with a diagnosis of terminal illness. I have an appointment with Jennifer Sat am my time (Fri pm her time) - I just need help to understand how it is possible for two people who mean so much to each other - didnt really have bad times - just grew apart (work, travel and time)- can now be queing up outside the divorce court. And while he might not be telling the complete truth about OW I do know him well enough to know he will not spend the rest of his life with a woman who is 20 plus years younger - and he certainly will not enjoy being poor in his old age<P>Ok - now I am rambling - but sure would appreciate your wisdom about getting through the next few weekse. <P>Thanks<P>R

Rose,<P>got your email, will respond later. just wanted you to know someone out here in cyberland cares.<P>Think you are right about seeing your H this weekend, what do you have to lose, nothing.<P>Keep busy.

Rosebrook, I remember reading one of lostva's posts. . she said her H told her that he thought she was a wonderful person, but he thought they made better friends than spouses & he was filing for divorce. Four days later he asked to come home.<P>Maybe this is not the end as it seems. . it sounds to me like he is trying to process all he has done, what he is going to lose. Hang in there, might not be as bad as you think.

Rosebrook.<BR>I your post you said you would always be open to reconcile. Don't give up now, be his friend. I was just advised or read , it is hard to divorce someone who is being nice to you. Continue plan A. It is not over until you sign on the dotted line and then again, it still may not be over.<P>Best of Luck<BR>Hopelessmom

You know during my H's A, 4 days before he came home, he said Maybe we'll have to get all the way divorced before we can get back together. <BR>Made me go..HUH?... but they don't make sense in a fog. I feel so badly for you, there but for the grace of God go I. <BR>I have no real advise, just wanted to shre the above and let you know some one cares.

Rose...<P>My advice does differ than most...<P>The duration of your Plan A... has been a long one...<P>I would offer the advice...<BR>...that unless the discussion this weekend is about him giving up the OW...<BR>...that you reiterate the Plan B letter key points...<BR>...give him a kiss on the cheek...<BR>...let him know that your still love him...<BR>.......but he can go on and file for divorce...<BR>.......and you (can't/won't) stop him...<P>...so stay firm to Plan B!<P>Please... (only you know it going to/staying in Plan B is right for you)....<BR>...but consider the negative impact he will have by...<BR>...stringing you out... and having his cake...<P>Plan B is hard...<BR>I've bearly been in mine 2 months... and now my divorce is final...<BR>...it(Plan B)... and Plan A... when followed well...<BR>...have helped me keep more than just my sanity!<P>You have to think this through.<BR>I know I've probably confused you... since this goes against the other replies you've gotten.<P>You have my prayers...<P> <P>Jim

Jim is absolutely right! H is testing you to see if you are serious about Plan B. The fact that you have seemed serious about it up to this point has given him the motivation to think about what he's REALLY doing. Now is not the time to soften. Meet him and either he talks about giving up OW or you sweetly kiss him and reiterate your love and willingness to forgive and reconcile and then be strong and walk away.

Hi Rosebrook,<P>Just wanted you to know that I can relate to most of what you wrote. D-day for me was Nov. 99 with my H moving out and in with OW in Jan.00. It's been a long time and I finally moved to Plan B in Nov.00, which has helped some in the emotional rollercoaster department.<P>However, I still have to see my H now and then; this week it was to sign our taxes. It was very short and "friendly", but I broke down that night and haven't been able to sleep much this week.<P>I too, keep asking "why?" I can't believe it's been a year and 4-months since this nightmare started. We had a good marriage...fun times...happy times....with a few problems. I still think about him everyday. He wants us to be good friends, but I don't have any idea what that means. He's not my spouse, he's not my friend, he's basically just someone I was married to....and even that isn't quite right...he's more like a ghost of the person I was married to. A sad reminder. <P>When he was signing the papers, he said what a nice person I was for doing the taxes (filed jointly...don't ask me why...) and that he still cares about me alot and wants me to be happy. I asked him if he was happy and he said "not really." He also asks "when do you think we'll get around to talking about a divorce?" to which I reply "whenever you get around to doing something about it." He hasn't done anything in that direction...I'm the one who has broken out all the joint accounts, joint bills, joint everything!! He doesn't see this....or maybe he does and just knows that if he waits long enough, I'll probably do the filing (which I can't bring myself to do). <P>There is so much about my situation that makes me sick and basically very, very sad. I go along for a good period of time doing okay....holding the "cloak" of normalcy around me at work, in the store, at home....but then something happens to break it all open again. You'd think after all this time, I wouldn't be so vulnerable. <P>Anyway, it's a situation that basically sucks big time. My advice is to agree with NSR...as always, his advice is right on. <P>I wish you the best. Pray to the Lord for wisdom in your next move.<P>Aloha,<BR>Mrs.O