Hi, new to this website but I've been monitoring for many months. Thank you NSR, Yesterday, Weep.<P>My story in a nutshell; pursued by someone I've known for a few years, he said all the right things, did all the right things, never laid a hand on me until I was ready.<BR>I'm married 14 years, two great kids, fabulous husband whom I adore; but I was vulnerable, just turned 40, the whole midlife thing,etc. He's 10 years younger, all the right qualities; thought a man like that would never be attracted to me again. I was flattered. Yes, I went on dates with him (in the fall) but when he didn't come close to treating me right I got disgusted with him and myself. I always told him I love my Hubby, he loves his wife; but there is a void.<BR>Thankfully we never went too far physically or I would die of guilt I think. This site helped a lot. I'm in therapy now; I am also on an anti-depressant. The truth is I still miss him. I haven't talked to him in 2 weeks, I'm trying to be strong; but it's so hard. I've been totally faithful for my marriage. How can I get over him---<BR>pleasse help! I don't want to speak to him and I feel myself getting vulnerable! I've got too much to lose!

First of all, I assume you have checked out the link from NSR (Just Found Out forum) to all the Plan A stuff, ENs, etc. I presume that if you have been around here reading for awhile, you know very well about the withdrawal symptoms that occur when trying to end something like this. Maybe you could read some posts from others that are going through similar stuff.<P>Surviving An Affair would be a good investment. Talking to Steve Harley would be a wise thing to do as well. He puts things into perspective. I guess the biggest thing is to know that these feelings are normal, and that they fade with time, but NO CONTACT is essential to end it and restore your marriage (or keep it going). Please don't contact him.<P>I think you've made a big step posting here, and admitting that you are having a hard time with missing this person, so please keep it up and have no contact. Just know that this difficult phase is required, but that it will get better. You are not alone.<P>Good luck and take care.

You are actually one of the lucky ones because you have still been faithful to your marriage. I would suggest that you talk this over with your husband and make him aware of<BR>your situation. He will no doubt be surprised and hurt but the fact is that both of you can look at your marriage and try to fix the problem that caused you to go out on dates with another man while you are married. By telling your husband you will most certainly end that relationship with the OM once and for all because your husband will have known and you will be working on your recovery. By not telling your husband he will not know there is a problem in the marriage and your will be vulnerable to falling back into a relationship with this OM. <BR>The fact that you were willing to go out on dates and have<BR>some physical contact and were willing to put your marriage<BR>in such jeopardy indicates a greater problem that you imagine. Only you and your husband together can get your marriage back on track as long as both of you are aware and are willing to work on the problem. Keeping your husband in the dark will undermine this process and make your vulnerable in the future to this other man. I wish you luck.

pursed I asked this question on a new topic.<P>Can you answer it for me? <P>Can you please write out why you miss the OP/feel the need to ring/hear their voice/be with the OP, even when you really want to end it? I really want to understand the addiction, when someone knows its wrong and wants to end it and they know it isnt real but cant or finds it really difficult. What is really behind the addiction? What is really behind the pull to make contact again when everything else is saying no? Does ego play a major part in it?<BR>Are you really just wanting to hear that he's missing you?<BR>what if you knew he was going to say he couldnt care less about you, would you still feel the same as now?<BR> <BR>

Yes, also hurt, it is all ego.<BR>If this guy said he couldn't care less about me, of course I wouldn't care about him. Read my post to your topic.<P>I need more attention from my husband, but i feel guilty asking for it. Our lives are so busy with work, kids, sports, etc. I feel selfish saying "I don't get enough."<BR>And so I go on, year after year, denying myself. I am surrounded by a wonderful lifestyle, everyone thinks I have got it all, but I am lonely inside. No one would ever guess.<BR>I can't complain...people will think I am a spoiled brat, because they see the material things I have. I feel like I don't have the RIGHT to complain. This site is good becasue I can vent and hopefully someone will lend a kind ear, because with all my friends, there is no one I can really talk to.

Pursued<BR>yes that pull is difficult to overcome,,, I have not talked to my OM for lets see....hmmm ,,, I guess about 10 weeks...<BR>I still feel bad because I felt we were friends and as in any friendship you miss that contact and just asking how things are going... some people say it takes time and I am not sure how long it takes for you to stop thinking about that person and moving on... guess that is why it is called withdrawal and like any addiction it takes time and it might be that you dont quite forget,,, but just make the right choice by not contacting... kinda like not drinking when you are an alcoholic...<BR>how I have been able to not contact this person is by reminding myself that the consequences are not worth it and that I have been a bs and I would not want my H to be contacting any of the 10 or so women he was in touch with..<BR>hope this helps<BR>C1

Please make some specific requests to <B>Jill</B> and <B>SKM</B>...<BR>...if they have the time...<BR>...their messages will reach out and touch you!<P>Also learn how to do <B>search</B>es by using the "search" icon on any forum...<BR>...and look for specifics from <B>Jill</B>'s and <B>SKM</B>'s posts!<P> <P>Jim