I am 3 mo past 3-day. Married 15 yrs 3 kids. My H has had an A with single coworker who was jealous of me and determined to turn him against me so that he would divorce me and marry her. She has worked closely with him for over a year- their A was emotional for 9 mo then turned physical the last 5 mo or so. She has taken a job transfer 2 mo ago saying she was 'sick of him still staying with me.' Since I found out 3 mo ago things have been CRAZY! He moved out for 3 wks then back in then a few wks later filed for divorce on me then cancelled the papers the very next day saying OW insisted that he do it! He seems to be very confused about his feelings. Alot of days he says he has no feelings for me or that he fell out of love with me, other days he cries and says he does love me. ( usually when he brings up divorce and we talk about it).Since the A turned physical he has shown me no physical affection so thats been about 7 mo now. No kissing even and hugs only occasionally. I asked him why he doesnt kiss me and he said it would be like if I asked him to kiss the next door neighbor lady. He said he's 'trying to get his feelings back for me.' We started counseling and sometimes he will participate sometimes not. I told H I am against divorce for religious reasons and will make it difficult for him if he divorces me against my will. ( for instance, I wont agree to joint custody as we moved here a year ago for H's job and I want to move with the kids if we split up). Anyway how long would you be willing to go on if you didnt get any affection from your spouse? lifeismessy

Wow! 7 months! I can't imagine that. Have there been other signs of affection that meet your needs somewhat?<P>I know for myself, one of my top EN's is affection. But I wasn't able to pinpoint (until just recently) what that really meant to me. I now see that my H's ability to show affection, comes in many ways. Most prominently, by wanting to help out around the house some.. by watching the kids so I can go out, or by mowing the lawn. In his eyes, doing those things to help me are his way of showing affection. I can accept that. At least those sort of things I can accept for now, until his comfort level of being able to show things more sexual come. <P>I would hope that in our situation it won't take as long as 7 months, but with my major LB the other day, it could quite feasibly take longer.<P>I know this doesn't actually answer your question, but I would imagine that it's comforting to know that someone else is currently going through the same thing (I know that's what made me feel compelled to reply )<P>Take care,<P>Karen<BR>

Maybe you should be extra good to yourself. Pamper yourself with a massage or getting your hair done.I wonder what single people do that aren't in a relationship do to feel loved. I guess getting affection from our spouses is nice but if it's not there we have to love ourselves.