<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>1) I don't think I can do this without becoming emotional. By that I mean breaking down into tears. My feelings are so raw right now. I need to get some control over this.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>Then do it in a letter, the way I did. Since all this went on, I have learned that my spouse regards tears as manipulative, as if I'm trying to make him the bad guy. I tend to get emotional in conflict too, but I've found that if I can control it, or wait until I can, I get through to him a lot better.<P>If you think you can't do it without tears, don't do it aloud. Your H may feel the same way about tears that mine does.<P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>2) I'm terrified that bringing this out in the open will push him towards her even more.<HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>gardner, I suspect that you are much like I was in that you are overestimating the depth of your H's involvement. If he was really that far gone, you would not have gotten such immediate results. By "far gone", I mean at the point where he won't LET YOU meet any of his needs. That he's responded means that he's still "yours." <P>I would suggest that you write something similar to what I did, and give it to him. Then leave the room and allow him to chew it over. Perhaps he hasn't even thought about what this does to you. If you confront him with tears, he will feel badly, but he's just as likely to lash out and get defensive as to reach an epiphany. If you do it on paper, it comes out in the open while he is alone, and he can stew in his own juices for a while. It's a far less "lovebuster" way of handling it, IMHO, one less likely to push him in the other direction.<BR>