I have read alot an truly identify with manyt of you. Now I am asking for your help. I caught my H with a much younger co-worker at a motel 6mnths ago. He has been very sorry and has begged me to forgive him. I believe it when he says there was no emotional attachment, that she persued him and said it was just "fun & games" and that he never thought I would know or be hurt. (She is also married and intends to stay married)We have had alot of good and needed conversations and 2 councelling sessions. Our problem is that they still work togather and he is unwilling to change jobs. I believe him when he says they go to great lenghts to avoid each other and that they actually hate the site of each other now. She is very spiteful and blames him for the whole situation. She says she will never leave her job because of him. It would be much easier for her to relocate than for him. My H has run out of patience with me and we are going backwards instead of continuing to heal. He cannot understand why I still become very emotional very often just knowing that she is there and I cannot even go in to visit him because I get so very upset at the site of her. He has stopprd being caring and understanding. He says that I will not let us move forward and get past this. I do know how important this job is to him because he worked for years in a place where he was unhappy and I know that if I forced him to leave to save our marriage he would re so resentful that would destroy us too. Can anyone offer advice for me to help deal with this situation. I feel like all the burden of making things better has been placed on me. Can anyone tell of things that have worked for you. Please say a prayer for me.

<BR>Hello and Welcome to Marriage Builders!<P>First, I would like to share two links with you. Just click on the underlined links here, and read –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi10_tour.html" TARGET=_blank>Tour of Marriage Builders</A> and <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000553.html" TARGET=_blank>General Welcome</A>. <P>Please read everything you can on this site, post and read often!! <P>I have been betrayed and betrayer, so I have the dubious honor of knowing what infidelity does from BOTH SIDES of the situation. <P>I believe in the concepts espoused here, if applied properly. One idea that has worked *wonders* for some couples is Plan A. Read about it here –><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi8113_ab.html" TARGET=_blank>What Are Plan A and Plan B</A>.<P>Use what you learn here to make your marriage a safe place where you do your best to meet the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3300_needs.html" TARGET=_blank>Emotional Needs</A> of your spouse,and avoid <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3400_lovebust.html" TARGET=_blank>Love Busters</A> whenever possible. . When a decision must be made, use the <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi3500_policy.html" TARGET=_blank>POJA</A> to determine the final outcome that you can both agree upon.<P>Many couples find that counseling is VERY helpful, and the counseling provided here is excellent for several reasons; but the most important is that it goes along with the concepts here. Check it out here –> <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/graphic/mbi7000_counsel.html" TARGET=_blank>Counsel Link</A><P>Again, welcome to our community, and feel free to write often and ask lots of questions!<P><B>About your post:</B> In my previous marriage, I had an OM, and we worked together.<P>I have spoken at GREAT LENGTHS about this, and some disagree with me... but... I believe your H must quit his job and GET AWAY from the OW before healing can begin.<P>There are, however, success stories ON THIS BOARD (Check out the recovery section of MB) where the cheating spouse did continue to work with the OP.<P>Again, welcome...<P><BR><P>------------------<BR>~Sheryl<P>And we know. We who have seen. ~Pellegrino

Here's a link to that thread about spouses successfully still working with OP -- but marriage SURVIVING AND THRIVING...<P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum31/HTML/003367.html" TARGET=_blank>Click Here</A>