Well, the 'no contact' pledge lasted for just a week - I'm not suprised, but a bit disappointed that it didn't last longer. My WH - still being completely honest with me - e-mailed me and told me that they were in contact again just now (via e-mail only). I don't yet know who initiated contact, but I suspect it was OW. <P>However - he says that he's still very 'unsure' and 'confused' about everything. He says that OW didn't tell him any personal stuff about how her own marriage was going, it was just 'chit-chat'. He said that he hoped he hadn't upset me.<P>I was supportive - I e-mailed this note back to him:<P>"No - it doesn't upset me - I only have compassion, forgiveness, patience and love in my heart. I offered you a 'safe place' to be able to talk to me, as a friend, and I meant that. I also appreciate your honesty and want you to know that I still trust you and respect you. <P>Yes, I know you're confused at times - but that's where 'time' is so valuable, and it's free to give! I have to say that contact with you will not be good for their marriage - but I also understand how hard it is to maintain a 'no contact' pledge. I also don't think it was given enough time...but that's just my opinion! I expected 'setbacks', and this doesn't change the way I feel about you - I just wish I could protect you from all this pain and confusion - but only you can do that. One day things will become clearer, I am sure of that - in the meantime look after YOURSELF. Take one careful step at a time, no need to rush and overwhelm yourself. One of the reasons I can be so strong through all this is because I am looking after ME first and foremost - I keep looking at that fridge magnet that (sister-in-law) sent me which says "Mothers are Angels in Training" - we are ALL 'Angels in Training' and I'm learning a lot.<P>"If your wings should falter, along this stony path - it's just a moment - this time will pass..." (U2).<P>hugs, (me) x "<P><BR>I'm still hanging in there!<BR>Paint. <BR><p>[This message has been edited by Paintbox (edited June 20, 2001).]

WOW, u r quite a lady!

let's hope he realises that someday! LOL!

Wow Paint<P>I admire you for the fact that you could remain so nice & calm and supportive of him. I was not able to keep my cool when I discovered that contact had been reinstated.<P>I know that it had to hurt you tremendously and I can only believe that after receiving a letter like that from you he will understand what he is about to loose.<P>I would seriously doubt that the OW would be as generous to him as you are being and your turn will come when she does something that makes him withdrawl and say well Paint would never do xyz. All she has done is support me and she is always there for me.<P>I am encouraged that he did not hide the contact from you. He will realize that what he has with the OW is a fantasy and will not last. It will change the more pressure she puts on him.

Someday he will know what the lady you are!!! Keep hope!!<P>I hope you don't mind I copied your note to him so that I may use it as inspiration later on, as I can't get H to stop contact at all, says that he can't imagine his life without talking to her regularly. Maybe someday!!!<P>Patience is a virtue!!<p>[This message has been edited by daybreak (edited June 20, 2001).]

{{{{Paint}}}}}<P>High five to you! Those OW's are like leeches...I think only fire will get rid of them.<P>Your H is blessed that you can be so compassionate.<P>I am doing better today...H is in an odd mood. Did more work in the garage (our new gym). Very strange behavior, don't you think since he supposedly won't be here to use it?<P>He reached for me last night as I was lying next to him. He held me close and we were ....well, you know....then he held me close all night. A couple of times as I wriggled to get into a new position, his arm tightened.<P>Ohh that he could do that in his waking hours. I struggle not to ask him what it all means.<P>Have you the thread I started with a Q to Aeon Blue. What he's writing is so startling...<P>Take care and thanks so so much for your support<P><BR>Cali

Wow Paint. You are truly amazing. I would not have been able to write that letter in your shoes. Wow.<P>Good luck Paint. I would think that letter was enough to cut through the thickest fog, but, alas, we all know how that goes.<P>Keep us posted!

Yes, Cali - I keep going back to look at it, it's awesome!<P>I bought myself a pet today - a 24c goldfish, called 'Bubble' LOL! - the girls got goldfish as well. I'm feeling....great actually. I was suprised that WH's news really didn't bother me that much - I think because I had a feeling this would happen! At least they're not actually seeing each other (yet!). And from what he said to me today, I think he's beginning to have some doubts about her...<P>hugs and thanks, Paint.

Keep reacting like that and he will keep telling you the truth.<P>Keep reacting like that and he will learn to trust you completely.<P>Keep reacting like that and he will want to earn YOUR trust.<P>Keep reacting like that and he will get tired of her and see you for the wonderful person you are and her for what she is. She will not measure up, trust me.<P>You did just great!!!!<P>Lori

Thanks Lori - I needed that today, I'm a bit down again - not serious though, I think it's more to do with too many late nights recently and I'm tired! Also, I e-mailed him twice today, just chit-chat, but I haven't heard a thing back from him - I know from experience that when he's feeling guilty about something he clams up...so I'm waiting for more bad news. I need an early night, several cups of tea, some serious meditating and I'll be back in fighting spirit again by tomorrow <P>hugs, Paint.

Paintbox:<P>Such heartfilled gentle kindness in your letter. Someday hopefully your H will realize that you are special. I do appreciate your posts and hopes of warmest wishes for you.<P>Keep hanging in there, be thankful for the positive, don't focus on the negative.<BR>((((((((((((((HUGS)))))))))))))))<BR> <BR>