Nyneve,<P>Thank you for that big hug,needed it badly.......<BR>I replied in the most positive way possible to his statement asking him if he wants to talk about anything.He replied NO.. <P>Been another long and hard day.<P>Two glasses are the maximum for me,never been much of a drinker!<P>Thank you.....

You have made my night. Thank you. <P>You are going to be just fine. I know it. Try to get some sleep if you can. If you can't, come hear and read and post some more. You may want to check out some of the threads on Recovery as well, they can be quite inspiring.<P><<<<<<<<<<SadAndAlone>>>>>>>>>><P>HbH<BR>

<BR>Boy, can I feel your pain. This is a wonderful site. Keep posting. It is comforting to know that people care. I too invested too much of my identity in my husband. <P>You have gotten a lot of good suggestions. Remember to take care of yourself and pamper yourself a little. Try to remember that life is still beautiful...and try to look at the good things around you. Take Care

SAA,<P>I want to thank you for taking the time to respond to the post concerning me being in Plan B. Even though you are going through the worst possible time, you still found the time and energy to give me your thoughts. Thanks.<P>I read all your posts, and I want to also tell you that it definitely seems that your H is totally confused. He is not operating like a man that really wants to leave his marriage. He is saying some nice things, he wants to see you, he cares about you. He is obviously depressed and extremely confused, has no idea where he is going.<P>Even though this is pure hell for you, you are doing well. The situation you have been presented with has no words to describe how difficult it is. My heart goes out to you. No one should have to endure this. But you will survive it. I can see that in you.<P>Many of the things he is saying are exactly what we all hear in the early days. Totally confusing, and all this "too late to go back" stuff is classic. Much of what they say and do is out of guilt, and is aimed at pushing us away so that they can make it appear that we left or didn't want to make it work.<P>You must continue to stay as strong as you can, work on yourself, make yourself the most attractive you can be in every sense of the word. Keep busy, do something for yourself, talk to friends. Keep looking strong for him. I know it is hard. You just want to roll over, but you simply can't. That isn't what wins them back.<P>The image of him crying in your arms is not that of someone that is ready to divorce. He is just totally confused.<P>Hang in there and read/post, do your best on Plan A. I see you've done a good job already to maintain your cool and look strong when he has been upset and at times when one might think you should cave in. Good job.<P>You know now you are not alone....there are so many people here that are not going to leave you there. Even though I've been experiencing how wonderful people are at MB for 10 months, I was still very touched and floored today when I saw how many people quickly posted after I went into Plan B.<P>I can only say that you take care of yourself, and Plan A, and it does get better. Hang in there.

Hi Sad - I am so sorry that I haven't been around much today - I am having major problems with my internet connection at the moment, and couldn't get online at all last night. Now, it's really painfully slow and keeps timing out - so I'm just hoping that this reply posts OK!<P>I can tell you one thing though - It's been horrible today without my daily visit to my friends at MB's !!!<P>The things the others have posted are so, so true. I've heard EXACTLY the same phrases from my own WH and even when you KNOW they are just: 'insane ramblings from a very confused person with moose-brain worms' - sometimes it's hard to keep on ignoring them, and you start to believe them instead. That's why it's so valuable to come here and get some reassurance! I must admit, I've been feeling a bit the same way today myself...but I'm hanging on in there!<P>Keep on looking after yourself OK?,<P>hugs, Paint.

Hey there;<P>Just found out by HbH that you were here...<P>Ditto to everything that has been said so far....<P>Stay in touch..

Your post reminds me of what I went through. My H was depressed, but I didn't really see that side of it at the time. He would escape the world with alchohol and pot, and one day after an argument, he said he didn't think he wanted to be married anymore. He moved into an apartment. I thought my life had ended. <P>For weeks, I lived minute by minute, obsessing over everything that I might have done wrong. I started counseling, and the counselor said that my H didn't know what he wanted, so there was nothing that I could do, but take care of myself and wait for his decision. That was not what I wanted to hear, but I slowly started to take his advice. I made many changes in my life. Some of it was a result of being bored without H around. Whatever the reason, I did begin to enjoy my life again. I missed H everyday, but I knew I could live without him. I know that now too. <P>Six weeks ago he moved back in - we were separated two years. We are on shaky ground and have not really talked seriously about our future. He has commented many times on how much I have changed. I think that is why he is back. I worked on myself and my confidence. I do know that I never want to feel that dependent again. We all deserve to be happy! We cannot rely on our spouse to do that for us. I actually learned to like time alone. I had never lived alone and was terrified, but I did it. That was a big accomplishment for me! Now I have to learn to live with H again, and I am terrified! Nothing is easy.<P>I wish you the best. With all the posts I've read tonight, I know you have lots of support. Take care.<P>

Just wanted to drop by and check on you. I've been keep'n an eye on your thread. I know this is hard. So just wanted to give you a quick<P>((((((hug))))))<P>Z<P>------------------<BR>He loves not who does not show love.<BR>----William Shakespeare

Up to the top. How are you doing today Sad?

Hello Everyone,<P>No real news.H called this morning,asked me how I am feeling,he said I should ignore what he said about being confused he was just tired when he said it....<P>I tried to get him to "reveal" more but he just clammed up.Said he cannot wait to leave the country again tomorrow as he finds it difficult being here. I told him that I find his words painful but understand if he feels this way. <P>I will be awarded an Oscar for my acting ability if I continue like this. In front of him I am walking around as if I have a banana stuffed sideways in my mouth,grinning like an idiot,trying to be cheerful and composed.He goes and I just collapse on the floor in a heap,log on to MB and ask for SS (suicide support).<P>Managed to get around 5 hours sleep last night,best so far.Think the two glasses of wine helped,plus all the replies,hugs and support from all of you guys.<P>I am sure there will be more to post later,my depression usually hits bad at around 2100.......<P>SAA

I probably won't be on later, but I just want you to know that I will be sending prayers and hugs to you ALL DAY and NIGHT!!<P>You're a lovely woman, <B>sad</B>, and it ain't over 'till it's over -- remember that!!<P>Love, Sheryl

Nyneve,<BR>Those gratefully received prayers and hugs are also coming your way, from the bottom of my heart.<P>Thank you.........

oh my gosh - i know how you are feeling - please know that we care about you and are here with thoughts and prayers -<P>I am exactly where you are - and it is comforting to know that i am not alone -<P>Peace be with you

I'm going to bed now, I said it in another post over 20 minutes ago, but this time I mean it.<P>However, I just wanted to send my thoughts to you.<P>There are a pile of us that are thinking of you.<P>You hang in there with the rest of us. We care.<P>Please take care of you.

Dear Sad&alone,<P>I have been thinking about you today and just wanted to make a brief comment about how you are putting on a good face when dealing with your H. I used to do that also. However, I found that showing that I am hurting helped H see how much damage he was doing. <P>In my case, the OW was convincing H that his family did not need him and would be ok without him. So when I put up a good front, it actually gave credit to her lies. Well, I put a stop to that, I certainly was not going to be helping OW in her lies to hurt my family. So I let H see me hurting and crying. Not always but enough. I am not sure if that tactic is helpful, but for me it worked. <P>I no longer played the heroic victim because that is NOT what i felt like. <P>Just my 2 cents again. You please take care of yourself. Note: Those statements he makes about saying things different because he is tired, is that something new? Or is that more fog talking? Or maybe he knows he 'el gooftoed a bit and has some regrets? Hm.....<P>Don't rely too much on the words unless they come out with sincerity. Watch the actions, they tend to be truer to form. <P>L.<BR>

Hey sad;<P>Just wanted to see what was up? Hope you are doing well. I haven't had a lot to say because as I read through, I can't add anything to what everyone else is suggesting.<P>Know we are with you! <P>FB

Up to the top. <P>Sad, did you get to do the 5 things on your list this weekend? I had my ice cream, cut my grass (although FIL did it, not me), read SAA but didn't finish it, didn't get to go by the tattoo parlor, and started packing up hubby's stuff but didn't get to finish.<P>What about you?

saa,<P>How are you doing? We are thinking about you.

Hello Everyone,<P>Weekend passed without too much trauma.H is still in the country but will be leaving this evening.He left a message yesterday saying "I hope you are well".However he didn't want to speak to me or see me.<P>I guess when he goes tonight I have no idea of when he will be back.One week,one month,never........<BR>I am still no closer to knowing why he doesn't want to be married anymore.<P>As for taking care of myself,well I did as HBH suggested and found five things to busy myself with.Invited my girlfriend over and had a pleasant evening at home.<P>Should I call him before he leaves and if so what should I say? Any ideas anyone?<P>Feel drained of energy today......<P>A BIG HUG to all of you.You're the best....<P>SAA

sadandalone<BR>I think you should wait awhile to contact him, maybe a few days? Then you could call him just to see how he's doing?<P>This stuff is emotionally exhausting, isn't it?<BR>Continue to take care of yourself.