New here but I've been lurking for the past 5 months and finally found the courage to post.<BR> Long story coming.................<BR> Both my WH and I are 42 yrs old, married for 10 yrs in April '01, we have known each other for 17 years-we were best friends at one time. We have 2 sons ages 9 & 7. I quit my full time job 4 years ago to raise the children and I now work 18 hrs a week during the school year.<BR> Suspected affair last summer but had no proof and didn't want to rock the boat.<BR> Fall of '00 came and he was going out with friends more than usual. Over 15 times in November alone. Asked why and WH responded that he was bored sitting at home. I told him he needed to commit to the family and stay home more often,also told him to leave if he doesn't do so.<BR> Things were getting cold around here sometime in Sept or Oct. He even missed the boys Halloween costume party to go out with the guys.<BR> Now comes December same thing with going out etc. everything is tense and we barely speak to eachother.<BR>New Year's Eve comes and he is on his way out to watch the football game somewhere. I told him if he goes out not to come home you don't want to be here just don't come back.<BR>Needless to say he leaves and comes back about an hour later and announces that he is moving out---Doesn't want to be married anymore and he wants to do what he wants when he wants to do it (Wasn't that happening anyway?)he also adds that he had a affair during the summer for 6 weeks but it was over. I asked if he still loves me and he says yes but in a different way.So WH lingers till 1-5-01 and moves in with a friend (male). <BR> A few weeks later I found some love cards to and from the Ow on the computer hard drive. Call up WH and have him meet me at the house I get the house keys from him and my car keys also. I then tell him I know about OW-but I used her name attached to the cards. A big smile comes over his face.<BR>I asked if that is why he left and he said yes,I asked if he loves her and he says yes. Asked if he wants to marry her and he says he'll never get married again. He was married very young once before,no A in that marriage.<BR> I was told that my or the boys life styles would not change.<BR> He now has his own apartment but there is no money for his rent. Don't know how he is going to it. Charge cards are almost maxxed out. He supports us financially,mows the lawn and sees the boys every other weekend.Calls them almost everynight to just say good night and see how the day went.<BR> I can not plan A or B but he has plan B with me no contact.<BR> I did ask what went wrong in our marriage and he said it was a good marriage You were a good wife and mother and it was him and not me. He figures that he meet someone that he LIKES better then me. Not that he was looking for it it just happened.<BR> I do still love him and would do anything to be a loving family unit again but I just can't seem to get past the hurt and anger to have any kind of conversation with him that doesn't involve the children or money.<BR> I have gone on far too long now don't want to bore you people to tears any longer. And I have plenty of stories from the past 6 months I would love to share. Just don't want to over due it right now.<P>I have already read the concepts the welcome to the newbies etc. Going to order the books on-line (can't find it in major bookstores)soon.<P><BR>Thanks for reading my post.<BR> MILROBDOL<P>

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by MILROBDOL:<BR><B>I can not plan A or B but he has plan B with me no contact.</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>You CAN and MUST Plan A.<P>When you get Surviving An Affair, you'll read that Plan A is about making changes in YOU that fix your contribution to the pre-existing problems in your marriage.<P>All the stuff he said about not wanting to be married and loving OW is the same stuff they all say. He may actually FEEL this way at the moment, but this is a fantasy land that will not last.<P>Continue lurking and asking questions. You will find lots of support here.<P>WAT<P>

Follow WAT's advice...<P>Check out...<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum30/HTML/000176.html" TARGET=_blank>Plan A - 101 (2nd ed.)</A>... <P><A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000254.html" TARGET=_blank>Jim</A> / <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum29/HTML/000037.html" TARGET=_blank>NSR</A>

Yes, you have to implement Plan A if you want to save your marriage! Don't take much of what he says right now to heart. He doesn't know what he's saying. WAT is right, they ALL do that in the beginning. This will change.<P>Don't think you bore us with your stories......we're all here for the same reason (unfortunately), but we're here just the same. Stay around, you'll find that it is uplifting.<P>Blessings<BR>Bound<BR>

unfortunetly.....welcome to MB, i wish you didnt have to be here. <P>But...... welcome !! with a big heart and hope that you find all your answers from this board. the people here are good people, all going through a very hard time.<P>Im sorry for your pain. GBU and good luck<BR>mercy

M:<P>I will just ditto the Plan A recommendations made by others and extend a hearty welcome to MB, but--as with everyone here--regret the circumstances.<P>Godspeed,<BR>STL