Hi. I am posting this because I truly believe that Harley's principles can help save my marriage. I believe in his concepts and although his means may appear a bit drastic, they work!!<P>My husband has his doubts and although I do not want to force this down his throat, I was hoping that some of you who are further along in recovery could help me by posting to my husband on this thread.<P>I intend to email a link to this thread to my H so he can read it at his leisure, when he is ready to consider a plan for our recovery.<P>Thank you my friends for all your support.

HbH...<P>I am a WS and had an A. We were found out, and afterwards, for several days it was a war!! I blamed her, justified, cried, screamed, yelled, and hurt. I came online to find help for me...I realized I was the one that did the damage, and was deflecting it onto her to make me feel better. I found MB and read and read for two days. I told her about it, and she said, it is now up to you to save us...Wow...what a wakeup call. She said we would have an *open* relationship until they time I came around and realized what I needed to do. <P>I used Plan A that day....I have had no contact in over 2 months, and do not wish to again...ever. My priority became us and our commitments to each other. I have been here everday since, as a sort of support group. Somedays I am just here to read, and other times, a thread will touch me,a nd I get on a roll. The agreement of Radical Honesty has been one that I use all the time. I hate the pain, anger,hurt, and frustration I have caused, but I am determined to show her how sorry I am, and that it we can be strong again. Your H must realize your feelings have to become the most important thing to him, and you will have many questions. No matter how difficult or embarrassed he may be, he must allow you to heal. The recovery is from the efforts of both of you, not just one. You both have to recover, not just you! We were luckier than most, in that the fog lifted for me in a hurry, so we never got to Plan B. I wish you both the best. If he ever wants to email me, let me know. I will be happy to talk, on the side with him. <P>My advice to both of you??....Take your time! One lesson at a time...dont push, dont shove, do it together!! Communicate honestly, openly, and lovingly!! Easier said than done sometimes!! Keep the faith,and best of luck!1<P>*Out of our greatest fears, come our bravest deeds!!*<P>Trueheart

Up to the top.

hurtbyhubby:<P>Harley's methods (and counseling) have worked extremely well for us, too. And this was through a pretty dire set of circumstances (wife fell out of love, my bad marital behavior, wife's affair, wife's pregnancy by OM---the "highlight reel"). If you or he have specific issues, please post them and I'll do my best to answer.

It can be done...go "by the book" and be patient...it worked for us...15 years ago.<BR>At the time we were married for 10 years with two children.<BR>I was a WS. H unknowingly and instinctively used MB principals just "by the book" case...We went through plan A and plan B (for 4 months) and then started recovery. I didn't really believe it will work from the beginning and I have been nervous about him plan A-ing. But everything fell write to the place during the YEARS. About next almost 2 years it was hard for both of us. After that we both felt more secure and felt much better. We just had our 25 years anniversary last year and I was so grateful for what he has done. I told him that, even if we didn't talk about what happened for maybe 13 years. He showed occasionally no trust in me during those 15 years but I learned it's enough to be "radically honest" in showing him that I have no intention to have an A and he was back, trusting me...<BR>