HUSBAND (WS) JUST PICKED UP OUR SONS 7 & 9 FOR THE WEEKEND. THEY ARE GOING ON A TRIP WITH OW AND HER 3 YR OLD SON. LOOKS LIKE A FAMILY OUTING WITHOUT MY BOYS MOTHER. OH THE PAIN OF IT!<P><BR> READ MY OTHER POST PLEASE <A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010821.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/010821.html</A>

(((((((((hugs)))))))). I know it will be hard not to think about where your boys are, but right now there is nothing you can do. My suggestion, go out with some friends. Treat yourself like a queen for a weekend. Don't spend your weekend thinking about him. Maybe when he gets back and sees you in good condition, he'll start thinking. Take a long bath, eat out. You deserve it. I think that's the best thing you can do right now. I don't have the best advice, but spend the weekend for yourself. Go get a massage or a facial. Do something to take your mind off of him.

I MAY JUST DO THAT IT'S ABOUT TIME THAT I STARTED TO TREAT MYSELF BETTER!! THANKS.

MIL...<P>This is in response to both posts, so I hope it makes sense. I totally agree that you should spend the weekend making YOU stronger. And yes, if he sees that, it will make him think twice. (I know that I was totally blown away at W strength and it became a very attractive point to me...a side I had not seen in a very long time). Yes, I believe you can Plan A while seperated, but you have to be even stronger. There are some really good posts here about Plan A while seperated. You can, in no way support the A, and all talks should be about the kids. (By the way, I cannot believe he is so disrespectful to you as to have the kids around OW while still married. What in the world must the kids think?)<BR>He sounds like he is still in the fog, but I think you can help it lift. <P>But first, you owe it to you to enjoy your time this weekend!! <P>*Go confidently in the direction of your dreams.*<P>Trueheart

HUSBAND TOLD ME THAT THE BOYS ARE PART OF HIS LIFE AND SO IS OW NOW,SO THEY NEED TO GET TO KNOW EACH OTHER.<BR> NOT SURE IF THE BOYS REALLY UNDERSTAND OR NOT I TRIED TO EXPLAIN IT TO THEM, BUT WHO KNOWS?

Well...W and OM are so stupid!! Any counsellor worth their salt will tell them both that putting the kids in the middle of all this is the WORST thing to do. They are doing this out of selfish reasons. If she is gonna leave you, fine, but I HATE STUPIDITY WHEN IT COMES TO THE KIDS. GO RESCUE EM NOW!! (Ok...please forgive my loss of sanity there) OM needs to be kicked in the groin for arrogance where YOUR children are concerned. <P>I wish there were something you could do...restraining order, anything proving he is unsafe influence for kids!! Sorry for the vent...I feel for you!!<BR>Trueheart

I HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH YOU TOTALLY TRUE!<P> IT GETS EVEN BETTER--I FOUND OUT LAST NIGHT THAT THEY ARE ALL STAYING IN THE SAME HOTEL ROOM, AFTER I TOLD H I FORBID IT AND H SAID HE WOULD TAKE CARE OF IT (GET TWO ROOMS).BOY ARE WE GOING TO HAVE A TALK WHEN HE DROPS THE BOYS OFF!<P> GOING TO CALL MY LAWYER AND SEE IF THERE IS A CUSTDOY/VISITATION ORDER WE CAN HAVE DRAWN UP TO SAY NO OVERNIGHT GUEST OF THE OPPOSITE SEX UNLESS ITS A FAMILY MEMBER.GUESS H WON'T LIKE THAT. <P>

Tell your husband that he is leaving you no alternative, as he is not respecting the children.<P>Don't do it as a lovebuster, be sure to be calm and rational when you say that. It wouldn't be bad to have some research to present to him about the ill-effects of children being included in an affair, or how what both parents can do to help children during marital problems.<P>TnT

WIL...<P>The answer to your question is, yes, it can be done. I know from experience, because I did it. First of all, for your kids to be in the same hotel room with the OM and W??? Does she not give a damn about how the kids feel? NO..neither of them do!! They are self serving....If I were you, I would cut off the vistitation until the attorney gets this issue resolved. Tell her, that since she cant be trusted, you will have no choice but to demand *supervised* visitations until it is legally decided. I would bet, she is cow-towing to OM demands!!<P>Trueheart

OK HERE'S THE RUN DOWN OF THE WEEKEND.I GOT A LOT OF THINGS DONE MOSTLY OUTSIDE THINGS. WENT AND GOT A HAIRCUT AND OUT TO DINNER ON SATURDAY.<P>HUSBAND CLAIMS HE TRIED TO GET ANOTHER ROOM ON THE TRIP WITH OW AND MY SONS BUT THE HOTEL WAS BOOKED.<BR>MY BOYS WERE TOLD TO NEVER ACCEPT ANYTHING FROM OW (GIFTS ETC.) YOUNGEST SON CAME HOME WITH A HAT AND THE OLDER ONE GAVE IT TO HIS FATHER. I TOLD H HE STEPPED OVER THE LINE WITH ONLY ONE ROOM. HE IS SHOWING DISRESPECT TO BOTH ME AND THE BOYS. HE SAID IN THE FUTURE THERE WILL BE 2 SEPERATE ROOMS. (WE'LL SEE)<P>I ASKED AGAIN HOW LONG IS HIS AFFAIR GOING TO LAST HE DOESN'T KNOW. I ASKED IF WE WERE OVER AND DONE WITH AND HE SAID YES. THERE IS NO MONEY AFTER THE BILLS ARE PAID AND I ASKED HIM HOW IS HE GOING TO LIVE? DOESN'T KNOW (BUT HE SIGNED A YEAR LEASE AT HIS APT) WHEN WILL HE CRASH AND BURN? WHEN HIS VISA CARD IS MAXXED OUT?<P>I TOLD HIM HE IS MISSING OUT ON A LOT WITH THE BOYS AND HE SAID I KNOW. I ALSO SAID I COULDN'T UNDERSTAND HOW ANYONE OR ANYTHING COULD BE MORE IMPORTANT TO HIM THEN HIS SONS.<P>WHEN HE WAS LEAVING I TOLD HIM THAT I LOVED HIM AND HE COULD TALK TO ME ON THE PHONE IF HE WANTS.<P>WOW THAT FELT GOOD NOW ONTO PLAN A AFTER THOSE LBS.GIVE ME STRENGTH.

Congrats on the haircut and dinner. I bet it was great. You are going about things the right way. Stay strong, for yourself and your kids. You can do it!!

MILROBDOL,<P>The hotel was overbooked? Lousy excuse. Tell him this is not a valid reason. Separation of OW's nightly rituals and having your children exposed to the same situation your H has chosen to expose himself to is not acceptable. <P>Maybe there should be no next time. Why? Your H did not use mature thinking and has now jeporadized the chidlren exposing them to a person with low moral and of questionable character (let him figure out who you are referring to). <P>Now H needs to prove to you that he is worthy of taking care of his OWN children. Sorry the rant. This is just how I feel. H is lousy with the excuses. At least put more thought into it like, "I had to bring the children back because staying with OW in a hotel in one room was more important than keeping my word to you and it is in best interest of the children that they won't run the risk of getting exposed to parts of the OW, where the sun don't shine." He would still be a jerk but a bit more of a respectable jerk for thinking about what his kids might be exposed to. <P>Take Care,<BR>L.<BR> <BR>