I talked with OC's grandmother. She explained that the OC has told her that dad gets mad when he knows I will be seeing OC #2. This is all making sense now. For mos when first seperated my H did not take an active role in the OC #1's life. He was newly into his OW and her OC and their A. So I saw OC more than he did in those mos. Grandmother also said that OC has said to H he doesn't care if dad and I are D, he still is gonna call me his stepmom.<P>Whenever my H calls OC #2 and wants to see him, he says no, he doesn't want to go to his dad's. To be fair to my H, I believe OC just feel left out, too may people to compete with for my H's attention. And when he's with me, it's just US, OC and myself. He gets all my attention.<P>At this point I think my H's perception is that we are in competition for OC. I certainly didn't want that to happen. <P>I'm contemplating backing out of OC's life. I have had many people tell me my participation in his life is a good thing. But this "competition" my H is feeling was totally unexpected and causing my H grief and anger toward me. <P>My focus is what's best for OC. When he grows up what will he think? How will he feel? With his dad having two OC's from two diff women while he was married. And having me as his "friend" or "Auntie" or "Stepmom". Do you think he'll be okay? Do you think he'll be a messed up adult with all this Adult Crap he was raised in? Will me being in his life make things worse?<P>Jo<P>------------------<BR>"Remain flexible like a reed, as opposed to an oak which can snap in the wind"

I think he'd be worse off if you were to cut yourself out of his life. I get the impression that you are one of the few factors of stability in his life, and kids need stability.<P>How to deal with this with your H, I honestly have no idea. I'm personally torn on the MB concept (as I have interperated it) that the marriage comes first before the kids.<P>Karen<BR>

Jo,<P>I can tell you exactly what OC would feel if you cut him out of your life...<P>Abandoned, unloved, unworthy, alone, scared, worthless, unstable, uncaring and uncared for, resentful....and the list goes on. <P>This is not a competition between you and H in anyones mind but H's. He is the one that made up the rules to the game and now he doesn't like how the game is played?? You are a threat to him in that you are caring, loving, giving, and the children need that in their lives. Do you honestly believe that if you are not around, H is going to suddenly change to this wonderful father and be there all the time and the kids are going to accept it all on face value? NOT!!<P>You are a constant in their lives. You are the only rational one that has done what she said, built the bond, and allowed them a safe haven to feel loved. <P>Please, do not destroy that. That would be the worst tragedy of all this. H can deal with what he has created. That is NOT your problem. OCs need you!! Dont turn your back for the sake of soothing WH ego, and that is all this is.<P>I dont mean to sound angry, but I relate all to well to this one... <P>Trueheart

Jo,<P>Ditto what Topie & TH says. The OC's need you. Don't abandon them. xH can't control that situation. His actions are up to him, what is important to him he will do. He's shown his true colors.<P>Have a great day, a great weekend, aftershock

ditto, ditto, ditto<P>WAT