Just wanted to thank everyone for the kind words yesterday. I gave my note to my H. He was very defensive about a couple of things. When I said I wondered if he'd ever understand the pain he'd put me through, he said "OF COURSE I DO, YOU PUT ME THROUGH THE SAME PAIN WITH YOUR ANGER!" As for the rest of it (my constantly thinking about what he did with her, etc.) he said that was my problem. He said it didn't sound to him like I wanted to try to "get over" this and move on, and that while I had said I wanted to work on our marriage, he didn't think I was being truthful! I'm depressed, but not giving up yet. The way I see it, I can make him leave with the hope that he will see what he's done eventually, or I can Plan A until I've had enough. I have decided to Plan A in earnest and try really hard not to ask questions, not to be suspicious, not to judge. Maybe, as Trueheart said in another post, maybe if I'm kind and loving and try not to be so insecure, he'll eventually come around.....any thoughts anyone?<BR>

See your other post....I replied already...hehe!!

Myownme,<BR>One of the reasons I chose to stay with my H after my A was because He responded to me with no anger and no questions.<BR>In fact, he left it up to me to disclose things to him which eventually I did. But he turned into the most considerate, kind, loving man I had ever met. He showed me a side of him that I never knew existed. I'm only sharing this as it may be what your H is waiting for. For I knew my marriage would never work if my H kept bringing up the A or asking for explainations, but instead he chose to just move on and allow me in my own time to come to him.<BR>He told me he would be there for me even if I never told him a thing. He is an amazing man.<P>My prayers are with you.<BR>Debbie

Thanks Debbie,<BR>Your H must be one in a million. It is good to get other perspectives on the issue. Its always been hard for me to feel emotional pain. I'm hoping that my individual counseling that I have coming up will help me with that. I will try to do as you suggested.

Debbie,<P>I'm interested in your story now. Tell us what your husband did to win you over or rather what he didn't do.<BR>Did he Plan A or just go on gut instinct? <BR>How long did you stay in the A after he discovered it, was there a d-day? <BR>Or how long was it until you told him? <BR>What was his initail reaction? Any LB's? <BR>Did you say all the normal things like I need space/time etc.? <BR>Did you move out? <BR>How long was before you came around to him? <BR>Did he smother you with love or just a little here and there?<BR>How did you act towards him?<BR>Were you distant, cordial, loving, what???<P>I hope that there are others out there that want to know these answers. It give us a good perspective.<P>Thanks in advance!<P>GC

Plan A, Plan A, Plan A - don't stop, keep it going. Are you spending at least 15 hours a week with him? what are you doing in terms of being his recreational companion? don't get judgemental and don't do any other LB's.<P>It does work although I'm feeling the strain ;.-(