I finally recieved a call from W this afternoon, its been 4 days. She told me she wants to come home and wondered if I'd send her some money to come home. I offered to buy the first plane ticket out of there, that won't work, she has too much stuff there. I offer to rent a one way car rental, not sure if that is best either. I offer to drive down and get her, that will only make things worse. I ask her if she in a safe place, pause "I'll be all right". She wants me to send $300 cash in a card and not to let on to anyone there that she is trying to get home. "I promise I'll use it only to get home". 3 months ago this was one of the most godly and loving people I knew, now I'm fearing that I'm sending her money for drugs or something. I found out a friend of ours ran into her there via an "enabling" friend. W does not look the same, afraid she's in danger, OM is mentally and probably physically abusive. W told me that she feels like she killed herself on the inside. All the lies that I believed the last 3 months continue to haunt me, but I want to believe she's ready to come home. When she comes home do I have her tested for STD's, drugs and the like. I know she's been getting pretty drunk, which she hasn't done since we met 10+ years ago. we've been married for 9 years 8/1/01 and now she decides to run from the call of God on our lives, she wants to escape the pressures of living up to everyone elses expectations for her. Though she never once told me of her fears. <P>if anyone has any good advice or wants to pray, we really need it right now.<BR>thanks,....knight?

Hi Knightmare,<P>Can she go to a local women's shelter and wait for you or someone to come get her? I am not sure where she is located but most cities have abuse shelters and hotlines. Her material things are not as important as her life. <P>Maybe someone else can give you more info. <P><BR>Take Care,<BR>L.

<B>She wants me to send $300 cash in a card and not to let on to anyone there that she is trying to get home. "I promise I'll use it only to get home"</B><BR>Put a ticket on your credit card & tell her she can pick up the plane/bus ticket at the counter. Also, putting it on your credit card would be much quicker. You can do it on the phone.<P>It sounds as if she wants the money, not the ticket.<P>If you send cash, it could get lost in the mail. I'd be willing to bet she would say she never received it. (I don't know your story, but it seems par for the MB course.)<P>If you put it on your credit card, she cannot turn the ticket back in for cash.<P>This seems like the best and safest way for you AND the quickest way for her.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

I'd be very wary of sending her the 300.00. Then again.. I'd send it. <P>Its your wife. I went through something similar and regardless what my loses were going to be financially, it wasn't going to ruin me. Was it going to enable her? Quite possibly. But I had to put some trust there because she was crying out for help.<P>This is your chance to shine if in fact that she has to come home, especially if she is in danger. It might help for you to read back through some of my first posts back a couple of months ago to see what some of the things I went through.. and I can tell you that, when she comes home.. she may leave just as fast as she got there. I want you to be prepared for that. If she's running from a mess that she created.. and comes back to you.. she's not there because of you. My wife came home and left several times because she was running from the OM and his anger. <P>If this is the first time that you have done this for her.. I say do it and do it quickly. Now.. she doesn't want a ticket, not a car.. just the cash. Send her money orders or travelers checks. DO NOT send her cash. Travelers checks can be traced later for evidence.. that is the route I'd go. She can cash them in if she needs to.. but you have proof that she spent them.. and where if need be.<P>Keep your guard up. CL told me a long time ago.. "fool me once, your fault, fool me twice, my fault." anyhow.. <P>we can take this to email if you need additional ideas or support.. ICQ works for me 75 percent of the day. Let me know.<P>------------------<BR>Semper,<P>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' O-Town

You can book the ticket on your credit card and have her pick it up at the bus terminal or airport. She'll only need some form of ID.<P>Another option is to go pick her up? Would that work for you?

okay.. whew.. Now I'm worried about my wife again.. <P>But... one thing I can tell you is that you can't do anything for her. She is the one that is going to have to be the BIG girl that she thinks she is and do what she needs to. She knows what she needs to do probably.. but is most likely quite embarrassed. Don't ask her about it if she comes home until SHE is ready to discuss it. I thougt about what you said that she said and it struck home with me. <P> <BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR><BR>I ask her if she in a safe place, pause "I'll be all right". <BR><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>That answer, is very eery. I have heard that a dozen times over the last 3 years and everytime I have heard it.. she wasn't. Not to worry you about it.. but that was trigger. They almost smack you in the face.. as they come to you for help and then reply with something like that. Not that I didn't ever want to help her.. but to be that standoffish always hurt. <P>My wife always told me she deserved everything she got from the OM, until recently.. because she took credit for creating the mess with him. She has only realized recently that the OM IS the one who needs to take the credit for all the problems other than the A. <P>I'm reliving this through your post.. and I have to stop for a little while.. please understand.. READ my posts even up to last friday... God I hope you don't have to go through this sh.it to. <P>I'm here if you need me.. but I gotta take a break from this .. not your fault... k? I gotta do something else.. before this gets me to freaking out again.<P>Okay.. All of you people that helped me get through this.. need to help this new friend of mine get through this.. I can't do this right now.. not tonight..<P>Sorry.<P>------------------<BR>Semper,<P>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' O-Town

<A HREF="http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011045.html" TARGET=_blank>http://www.marriagebuilders.com/forum/Forum37/HTML/011045.html</A> <P>------------------<BR>Semper,<P>Husband2You<BR>*****<BR>Don't make me promises <BR>Baby you never did know how to keep them well <BR>I've had the rest of you <BR>Now I want the best of you <BR>It's time for show and tell<P>'All or Nothing' O-Town

Dear Lord,<BR>We pray and ask for your protection for knight's wife. Bring her to a safe place in you, O God. Help her see that the only expectations she needs to live up to are yours and no one else's. Open her eyes, Lord. Save her from the destructive path she has chosen right now as we agree together. She belongs to you and she knows this. We pray that her body would begin to reject any drugs and alcohol if she is under the influence. We pray for wisdom for knight that he would know without a doubt specifically what he needs to do in this situation. In Jesus' Name. Amen.

<BR>thanks for your support, suggesations and prayers<P>H2Y I have read some of your posts and I know the fears you get from reading about similar situations.<P>I haven't heard from her yet this morning, I took some sleep aids to get through the night.<P>BTDT I truly appreciate your prayer, I believe the Lord is answering yours and the many other prayers that have gone up before Him.<P>"Spiritual problems will not react to physical solutions"<P>luva all, and thanks

Knight, Is it possible for you to get a uhaul and go get her. If she is wanting to come back, then that is a way. I would not send cash, I would compromise and help provide a way to get her home. If she wants to really come back, she will accept the uhaul, if she is only after the cash, then you will know by her reaction.

She won't let me come down there yet to get her, and she won't tell me the reason. I am waiting on a call from her to see what she wants to do.

Knight, does that seem a little suspicious to you. You are okay to call and ask for $ but then offering to go and help her get home, pack her up, she is not sure about that. I would tread carefully in this. There is a reason, try to find it out. I hope all works out for you.<P>------------------<BR>step one foot in front of the other, you will get to the topof the mountain one day. And then you can Fly your own FLAG!!

Alexy -thanks for your input, I am treading very carefully right now, I know WS is in a very vulnerale place right now and I want to help but not enable. Some say send the money, and some say don't, this will be a huge decision when I hear from her. I think that I will do something via credit card, but unsure of what exactly. It's now about 10pm and still no call from her, I don't expect a call tomorrow either due to the fact she spends all day Weds w/ OM, its his day off. I really pray she doesn't get too messed up before coming home. She's almost acting bipolar with telling me one thing and everyone there another, then again WS doesn't know what the truth is right now, I'm sure she's extremely confused. I'll post if I hear anything from her. Thanks again.....knight

Dear knight,<BR>i would have to agree with chris and all on the money issues. Do not send her cash. Something is amiss here and the last thing you need to be is an enabler. <BR>Do you have any mutual contacts in the area that can go to her? Check things out?<BR>cl

thanks cl,<BR>I do know some people down there who I know would help. 2 problems. Is WS ready to recieve help? and, I have commited to waiting for her to call me unless I absolutly need to. All calls that have been positive have been initiated by WS. When I initiate a call, she either doesn't answer or the conversation seems to go nowhere because she is not ready to talk or she is with someone who she doesn't want to know she wants to come home. But does she really want to come home? is she just playing me? is she just playing everyone because she doesn't really know what she truly wants? Middle C Bday is in a week, I really hope and pray she's home for that. I'm not holding my breath. <P>You that have helped me along this path are right that the fog is thick. Though this doesn't really seem like the typical A (she takes all the blame and doesn't feel like she deserves to live, much less come home to a family who loves her) she does follow a lot of the same mentality. <P>desert experiences require us to trust Him

hi knight,<BR>If you have someone to send over, then i would recommend it. Thinking this because in plan b we use intermediaries as contacts and it works! <BR>Something to think abt? cl

cl,<P>What do you mean, "send someone over". do I wait for ok from WS or do I send that someone to ask her if she ready for an out. Do I tell them not to ask any ?'s or just allow whatever to happen. Should I send money to this someone in case ws wants to rent a car one way to come home, for gas money. ws has been looking for a job but is unable to secure employment do to the fact she hasn't had a job in 9 years. It scares me to think of alternatives she might come up with, or maybe that will help her to hit bottom? I want her home, but I'm so protecting, though I know I don't want to enable her new found habits. Her own words were that she was running from the call of God. I know that right now she is just trying to act out the person she thinks she has become rather than accept the love of her God, her H and her 3 kids. I hate to see her hurting herself this way, she has said she doesn't deserve me, telling me that this is the lifestyle she thinks she deserves. Sorry to ramble, but none of this makes any sense.?????????????knight?