A. a vacation<BR>B. a hiatus<BR>C. a sabatical<BR>D. a quest<P>My H has now used a, b and c. What does he think he is? a priest? Why cant they ever tell it like it is... moved out to sc*** the OW more easily.

My reason was to make my wife happy. But I never quite left. If I did now, the reason would be to see if we really want each other.

My H told the kids he was going on a 'quest.'<BR>He told me he just no longer wanted to be married, but we would still be family...<P>Cali<P>------------------<BR><I>Live Impeccably In Your Word.<BR>Don't Take Anything Personally.<BR>Make No Assumptions.<BR>Do Your Best Always. </I>

SNL,<BR>Of course you cant leave yet, first you have to think of a really good word to make what you are doing sound like a noble undertaking.... sorry dont mean to pick on you I am having a hard day, week or maybe month. Heck, honastly, its been a bad 21/2 years now.<P><BR>Cali,<BR>LOL, I couldn quite remember who had the quest. I think you might win for the most outlandish.<BR>Lora

ok, how about a voyage of discovery? A search (finding myself)?

Hmmm. My H never called it anything. He said he wanted a divorce, we would not ever get back together, there was absolutely NO OTHER WOMAN, he had NO INTEREST in dating or being involved with ANYONE and that he just desperately wanted to be ALONE. Then he drove away and moved in with the OW (which was never admitted until the OW tattled after it was all over).

My W told me that she just needed space.

WS said he wanted to be on his own (when we got married he moved from his mom's house to ours). WS said he wanted to prove to himself he could make it on his own. Right.....<P>Then Ws said he never wanted to be alone...... now that is more accurate....<P>So Ws go the time and space and we all paid for it dearly.<P>L.<BR>

Nothing fancy.... <P>The first time to OW's apt (told me hotel)... just need some time alone. Not "in love" anymore.<P>Second time to his own apt.... Just couldn't be in the house anymore. Needed some time to think about things. We needed some time apart to find out what we each really want in life. Don't want to be married right now.

My h stated he needed to move out "to think things through". Yea right...he went to Minneapolis where they both were on reserve and I didn't hear from him for a week. When he finally called, he said he didn't call me because he thought I needed some time. He was just driving around in his rental car "thinking" all those days. RIGHT!!!

<BLOCKQUOTE><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><HR>Originally posted by fairydust:<BR><B>Hmmm. My H never called it anything. He said he wanted a divorce, we would not ever get back together, Then he drove away and moved in with the OW (which was never admitted until the OW tattled after it was all over).</B><HR></BLOCKQUOTE><P>WOW!!! This is my story to a "T" - please, PLEASE tell me your M is restored, and HOW LONG it was before that happened?<P>Thanks!<BR>Lupo<BR>

Before admitting there was an OW, my H told me he wanted to be on his own, that there *absolutely* was no one else, he didn't want to be involved with ANYONE! He said "Joanne, you know I've always been a loner" ... LMAO! Jeeeeez! ... James Dean, is that YOU!?!<P>What a crock!<P>Yeah Lora .. they should just tell it like it is ... I'm leaving for a F*** Fest with OP.<P>Sorry if I've offended anyone ... just letting off some steam.<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 17, 2001).]

My H never called it anything I was the one that ask him to leave so I still get that thrown in my face. I hear I didn't leave my W threw me out and I chose to stay out! <BR>cybil

[QUOTE]Originally posted by lupolady:<BR>[B] WOW!!! This is my story to a "T" - please, PLEASE tell me your M is restored, and HOW LONG it was before that happened?>>><P>Lupo, <P>Brief recap (hope to give you some hope as my situation seemed VERY hopeless in the beginning). H started affair with former coworker. Began behaving bizarrely immediately Within a month he moved out, told me it was over blah blah. The first 6 weeks he was very cold and mean. Telling me he just wanted me to hate him etc. Then there was a break in the fog and he started being nicer. This began about 4-5 months of waffling, fog clearing, then rolling back in again. He came home several times in that period, each time for afew days, each time then deciding he "wasn't ready" and moving back out. During these times he was telling the OW he was coming back home, but wasn't telling her it was over and he maintained daily contact. He also never admitted to the OW the entire duration of the (first he was staying with a male "friend from work" and then in an "empty apartment"). Finally I told him no more revolving door, I was drained, no more contact until he made up his mind. That freaked him out. I ignored his calls for 3 days and then finally picked up the phone. The fog had suddenly cleared, I was talking to the man I married. Within 2 weeks he was back home for good and ready to be here. Of course all hell broke loose with the OW. As soon as he told her it was over for good she couldn't get on the phone to me fast enough. Oh well. We are going on 2 and a half years now and things are really great! I honestly couldn't ask for a better marriage. Even when things seem impossible there is still hope.<BR>

Very interesting responses to this questions.<P>My WH told me that he was leaving to be with OW (after several months of seeing her on the sly) but that I was to look at it as if he was on a "sea voyage" ....he would be gone a lot, but he would be back when he could...he would always take care of me...and I could always count on him...but that he was going to be living a different life from now on. Never wanted a divorce....just wanted someone in every port I quess....and I was the long suffering wife waiting patiently at home for his return. Smog, fog...boy did he need a lighthouse.<P>Faye

Lora~<P>Fairydust story sounds just like my story. We are now in recovery for ma year. I took did a short Plan "B". Also the OW called me very fast when she knew that my husband wasn't "Choosing" her. She felt the need to tell me the truth. This is after I caught them together in my home.<P>A year later and things are getting better all the time (minus PMS time ). I am the one who moveed out to clear my head and decide after 1.5 years of horrible things if I really wanted our marriage. I am glad we are still together.<P>Judy<BR>

a sea voyage? LOLOL Thats hilarious! We told our 3 kids that 'daddy is moving out because he needs time to think.' Of course just days later H claimed I kicked him out!He said he'd stay in hotel to 'think' but actually he was at OW's condo and checking out divorce lawyers on his lunch hrs. Yet came home every night for din- din and to play 'daddy' to the kids! During this time I asked him why he refused to give me his phone number to where he was staying at night- he claimed he moved around alot staying with various friends!!!!!lifeismessy PS I finally told the kids 'daddy is CHOOSING To stay away from the house- I didnt want them thinking I forced him out!"

My H told me:<P>1. He didn't love me<BR>2. He never had<BR>3. He married me for the wrong reasons, that he felt sorry for me<BR>4. That he deserved to be happy (with my best friend)<BR>5. And finally, he patted me on the head and said "Please don't cry. I don't want to feel sorry for you."<P>Amazing enough, we are still together but were separated for almost a year. We are STILL working on the affair as I just found out the truth a month ago. I wish I could forget those hateful words, but I can't.

My H told me in February (of course I was ill with pneumonia, which really made me happy) that he did not know if he loved me anymore, that perhaps we should go to counseling to see if we should stay married. Throughout that first week, he brought up the subject of separation in this manner "Do you know anyone who's been separated that ended up saving their marriage?" The counseling session we went to was a JOKE. It was basically a "bash-me" session. By the end of the hour, I realized my H had already made up his mind to leave. Of course, I knew nothing of OW and he adamantly denied that there was anyone else. He told me I had screwed him up so much emotionally, he couldn't even THINK of being with someone else. I have since found out that after our counseling session that night, he left to "have beers with a friend from work" translated: he went and slept the night at OW's house! The manipulation of me was incredible. I let him go, easily because he convinced me that it would be best if we started over as friends, dated, learned how to be in love again. See that way, I gave him the furniture he wanted, even helped with the move. WHAT A DOPE I WAS!!!!

I'm laughing so hard, Faye, I'm gonna pee my pants! A SEA VOYAGE!!!! Who is he, "Popeye the Sailor man"???? I love you, Faye, truly!<P>Good grief ... some of the stories are killing me.<P>Myownme, you were not a dope, your H manipulated you. He knew you so well, he knew what to say to you. I'm sorry for what he put your thru. What he did was not right by making you believe you were responsible for his emotional unwellness. I'm glad to know you have been enlightened with the truth, it always prevails!<P>Lv,<BR>Jo<p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited August 17, 2001).]