Trueheart, I know you wrote the most awesome letter to other WS's still struggling. I gave it to my H, after he came home and I found out he's still be seeing OW, but it seemed to have no effect. I think that right now he is in the beginning of withdrawal (no contact supposedly began last Tuesday). He's been REALLY COMMITTED, only to turn around the next day and tell me to back off of everything. He's also told me that everything I say or do makes him mad, and just now when I talked to him, he's thinking that the reason that is happening is because he really doesn't want to be married to me anymore. This from a man who JUST finished moving all of his things home. What I want to do is show him some past WS's feelings about what happened during withdrawal to tell him that what he's going through is perfectly normal, and for him not to give up hope. Can anyone help me with this?

He's waffeling. Maybe you should just leave him alone. Give him time to adjust...<P>Sorry, I know you requested WS, but I'm a BS. Just my opinion...

MOM <- that wasnt a subconsciense thing to choose a name that spells that??<P>there is nothing perfectly normal about what is going on in his head.<P>try to equate the sense of loss you may have felt at the discovery of the A to how he is feeling about the loss of the OW. <P>I know how insulting that is, but the FOG, the "Addiciton", tells your mind , your spirit that you are in fact giving up the one person youve been able to be honest with, the one who finally gave a damn about you who was interested in making you happy. your making the choice to walk away from that on the hopes that the woman you married who didnt do those things even though you (in your feable headed place) gave her everything she ever wanted or needed will suddenly grow and interest in doing so, or that you can live without it.<P>i remember sobbing in my car for hours, knowing that id feel alone and rejected for months possibly years to come, and for what, cause its the right thing to do?? <P>it was (IS) the hardest thing ive ever done. <P>Mom, be patient as the anxioty of the seperation fades and the intensity of the A subsides, some happyness for making the decision will come, and alot of it rides on you. your ability to deal with the absured actions of a man who betrayed you and now has what may seem like unrealistic expectations of you. i wish you luck. <P>it can be better, but you will have alot to do with whether it is or not. its not fair i am sorry for what your living with.<P><BR>

Thanks Chaz and M&J. The hardest thing for me since he came home is his consistent waffling. I keep reacting with hope when he's committed and despair when he's not. I'll try to just chill....

Myownme,<BR>I was a WS and it was very hard to move all my things home and leave the OM behind. In fact for me, that lasted all of a month before I was seeing the OM again. When I finally commited to really working on my marriage, I was a very mean person at first. Nothing my H did was right or suited me. I wondered all the time if I were'n't making the greatest mistake of my life staying in the marriage.<BR>I worried about how the OM was doing and had all sorts of dreams about him since there was no contact. And I just knew that after enough time I could leave my marriage knowing I really tried everything to make it work, but it just couldn't be saved.<BR>Well, guess what. over time the need for the OM diminished.<BR>I started allowing my H to meet my needs. And I stopped being a bear to everyone around me.<P>So give him the space he needs. Do the little things that show you love him, but don't expect him to do anything in return. Be even more patient now as his thinking clears up.<BR>He will have to see for himself that he made the right choice. My H showed himself to be the kindest and most loving man during that period of time for me. He let me know he loved me, but he never expected anything in return.<BR>And now I can't imagine my life without him. And I wonder what I ever saw in the OM at all.<P>My prayers are with you.<BR>Debbie<P>------------------<BR>"I find the great thing in the world is not so much where we stand, as in what direction we are moving. To reach the port of heaven, we must sail sometimes with the wind and sometimes against it ---- but we must sail, not drift nor lie at anchor." Oliver Wendall Holmes

Thank you SO much Debbie. It helps; it really helps. I feel so cheated, but I really want to save the marriage, so I will try to do my best to just be there if he needs me and not to be offended by his meanness right now.