Quick run down. Seperated for 9 months D Day 8.5 months.WH and OW work together. The "relationship" ended in 8/00. WH wanted his family back and we were working on things for about 1 month. He would be committed then not sure, this went back and forth a few times. <BR>I told WH that no contact with OW would have to happen if we were going to get anywhere with rebuilding the marriage. He just couldn't stop talking with her at work. H said he isn't a rude or mean person and had to do it his way. So this past weekend he goes over to her house to have a talk with her. He then tells me that they are not a couple but they are taking it slow.<BR>H says he could not commit to marriage because he never got over the OW.<BR>So I give him a verbal Plan B told him I need to protect myself and our 2 sons from getting hurt anymore. He was told no contact with me while he is contact with her. So do you think a Plan B letter is needed also?

HI MILROBDOL,<BR>Please don't let the name fool ya. But, I think ENFORCING the Plan B decision will be the most valuable, important part. If you can just stick to your guns of no contact and let the WS see the seriousness, I think that is the key.<P>You are also attempting to protect the love you have left for WS and your love bank will be depleted if he is coming home to you whenever he pleases and still seeing OW. Hang in there!

<B>So do you think a Plan B letter is needed also?</B><BR>Absolutely yes.<P>------------------<BR>Prayers & God Bless!<BR>Chris<BR>For relationship info check out <A HREF="http://www.pcisys.net/~chriscal1/resources.html" TARGET=_blank>Marriage & Relationship Resources</A>

YES - write the letter most definitely. He will read it and hopefully it will actually sink in. I'm not in plan B at all, so I'm no expert, but the letter shows that you are sticking to your guns. The challenge is to DO IT.<BR>Best wishes.

Just needed a bump and some encouragement.

Yes MIL,<P>Absolutely YES. Reason being, they'll have it to read over and over again as the phases of the A move forward. It will remind them of your love for them and that it's safe to return to the marriage and also your aknowledgement of your part in the marriage upset. Because in essence, by virtue of Plan B, you won't be talking to them. So the letter severs as a proxy or mouthpiece for the Plan B BS. <P>Please do write it and post it here so we may critique it. <P>Best,<BR>Jo <p>[This message has been edited by Resilient (edited September 28, 2001).]

Back up to the TOP for more responses for MIL. <P>Jo

Mil<P>I was wondering the same thing for me, too. I just told H my boundaries, and was wondering if I should write the letter, too??<P>Help......<P>Krystal

Hi Faith and Mil,<P>I think if you are both trying to follow the Harley's principals, then "yes", write your spouses a Plan B letter. I believe there is a Plan B letter in the SAA book as well as one here on this forum. In addition, there are a few old timers here that can offer you a copy of theirs. I know there's a well written Plan B letter amongst us here floating around somewhere. I apologize for not having it avail on the fly for you both.<P>Write those Plan B letters, and post them here, we'll all help with crtique of them. <P>Very Best,<BR>Jo

Just wanted to correct the relationship breakup date it was August 2001 not 2000.<P>You know I just am at the point where I want an end to it all. Either way it doesn't matter anymore. Sounds like I'm giving up but I need my life back.

Just wanted to chime in here - YES write the letter. After all, if you are going to enforce no contact, the letter is what he will need to have to refer to. He can't runand ask you what you meant! Be sure to include that although you are saying no contact with me unless the A is over with no contact, you are willing to explore rebuilding your marriage after he is willing to do no contact.<P>It is an excellent idea to post it here or in Plan A/ Plan B forum for comments.