I have avoided this place for a long time now, I guess I thought I could figure this all out on my own. I confronted OW about what was going on, she admits to PA, they knew each other 3 weeks. They were soul mates and blah blah blah. He told her we were waiting for a small matter and then the d. would be final. I didn't even put in the papers until a few weeks ago!! Anyways, then he yells at me, he hates me, and all of the sudden he's apologizing, coming down to the house, having sex with me and then right after he says, "I don't want to be with you" I was so pissed because I told him the truth about my a. and he said that he lied about his because "he was trying to protect me" He says that if I would've let him go he would be happy right now, maybe she was the love of his life, does it matter that she's 19? I talked to her and we are so much alike that I laughed in H. face, "for looking for somebody else, you sure did find someone a lot like me" Okay, so I am venting and this is going on and on. He says he can't get over my a. and that is why he's moving on and blah blah. Well, question, "He just wants the best of both worlds, or he needs help" He's got me so confused. I told him to take his damn papers in and leave me alone. "But, we can be friends and go to lunch and talk, and do stuff together right"? Am I NUTS!!!! He came to the house at 2:00 in the morning and then we start having sex, I start having contractions and he says, "I can't be there for you like that" I told him he made me feel like a cheap piece of meat and he said, "I was lonely and I missed you." Please somebody tell me I'm not crazy..he stopped seeing her because she doesn't want to see him,but get this...that's because he told her he still loves me??Please somebody help me understand because I had faith and now I feel like blasting his face out of my mind and never talking to him again.

I'm sorry RF, the only thing I can think of is the fog. <P>It sounds like your H is a total JERK though, how he could have sex with you then say that RIGHT afterwards... <P>He is treating you like a piece of meat. What I told my H a while ago is that it hurt me too much when he had to leave after sex, I felt used. The only way I would agree in the future was if there was an unwritten rule that he would not leave. If he had to leave - don't initiate sex. So far, it's worked fine, no issues.<P>Perhaps you can set your own boundary. Yes, you want to have sex, but not if he's totally going to blow you off, or treat you horribly afterwards. It makes the entire sex-act a negative experience instead of a positive one.<P>The only thing I can think of is to take a step back and look at your life. Can you handle having sex with this man right now, in your condition and in your situation? If the answer is no, then don't give in anymore.<P>Do you really need to get a D? It sounds like you are both way too confused to make such a permanent decision right now. Just my opinion. You need to get divorced when you are level-headed, not working on emotions, or else someday you may regret it.<P>Can you simply talk to your H and ask: "where do we stand?" XYZ confuses me, are you confused too? Do you think we just need some time to figure things out, perhaps be friends for a while, no fighting?<P>Would that work for you?? Perhaps even go to counseling together (if not to get BACK together, then to at least deal with the unspoken issues you are both dealing with so that you CAN be friends one day)...<P>Just some thoughts, I can't read his mind though. Just sounds like he is confused and is being a jerk because of it. Probably wants to try and hurt you for having an affair on him and the pain he must have felt...<P>HbH

Thanks HBH!! I knew you guys would help. We have actually been getting along ok the past few days. He came and spent the night for a few nights and then said that he didn't want to be with me. I wrote him up a list of my expectations and what I am willing to give. I gave it to him and it made me really nervous. Yesterday we broke out into an argument because he told me he broke everything off with her, but he bought her concert tickets (for $200). So, I basically said, "I don't want to do this anymore, either you want to be with me or you don't, if you can't that means to me that you don't want to work on this family bad enough" I went to bed with a prayer in my heart only to be a better mother. He called me at about 10 and said that he thought he would let me know that he wanted to work at this!!! I was so happy, but I am really nervous because I'm so afraid of doing anything to make him unhappy. I am being different though. I am going to therapy and learning so much about myself. It's amazing that after all of this I love him so much and I am willing to just work it all out and be together. I hope things stay good. I pray for you guys too. I hope that you can all get what's best for you and your spouses. Sending my love. Rain