*sigh* It is so NOT worth the time and energy to dignify these posts from these OP. Y'all are getting yourselves worked up all over again! This is a touchy subject for so many of us, and this Hailey chickie isn't going to get it, no matter how many stats you throw at her. It's like with a smoker - you can show them statistics on lung cancer, emphysema, etc, but they still won't quit until they choose to do it themselves.<p>About 4 times a year, we'll get OP who just like to stir the pot in here. I remember a couple of years ago when GloryB flooded in here - the best thing to do is IGNORE THEM. OP like Katie Scarlett I like, because while they show a different perspective, they don't downplay what we in the marriage are trying to do. Hailey's gotten close to 100 responses TODAY ALONE - that's ridiculous! There are people on here in distress who need help who only have 3 or 4 responses. Come on, you guys! She ain't gonna listen - don't waste your energy!

Ditto, guys!<p>It is not good for us to read them either!

CB,<p>I admit that Hailey's post pretty much steered the boards today. A lot of folks' pain was triggered for certain. This is so hard.<p>Maybe though, deep down, Hailey IS in destress but hasn't pinpointed the REAL cause - not being the MM's first choice. Before dismissing her, maybe we need to give her some time to digest our comments and the info that MB has to offer about ending her A. Time will tell.<p>Estes

Hey, maybe olgjmj can come by and post too, and we can get a riot started!<p> [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

I have to disagree. I have no doubt that many of the OW who come over here and post are doing so only to troll and rile people up. That being said, I think the WORST thing one can do is let them post their tripe unchallenged. That only emboldens people like that. <p>And who knows, some might have a shred of reason in that foggy skull of thiers and some reason might sink in. But I do think it's a huge mistake to just ignore them for the reasons I gave above.

MHO is lots of BS's here can&#8217;t "educate" their BS on the immoralities, pain and statistics of an affair, so these OP and unrepentant WS serve as a true venting ground. I'm with you that it mostly does no good for the unrepentant, but maybe it's helps blow off some steam for the WS. Some of the responses I read in Hailys Saga certainly took an exceptional amount of effort, a couple were at least 3 or 4 pages. It's really too bad that energy could be directed towards helping someone who is really trying to put it back together. Something else I've noticed throughout the MB boards are very seldom will more that 5 or 6 different folks respond to someone's post, mostly the same folks to the same poster. Kinda cliquish or maybe just a matter of understanding perspective... who knows, but when an OP or unrepentant WS posts, it&#8217;s almost like the flood gates have opened. Like I said before, maybe it's a therapeutic thing for the BS. <p>
JMHO,
HI

Hi Infidelity <p>You are right, no one can educate a person who does not want to be educated… no BS’s or FWS’s. I also agree that the unrepentant WS and OP serve as a venting ground. The one thing they do bring to this forum is a view into the way the fogged mind works. I know that for me it has given me an opportunity to think through some things. That is why some of my posts are very long. The posts tap into areas that I have not thought about before. It does let me vent about things I could not otherwise vent about. So from that perspective, the threads are very therapeutic. Perhaps I was not helping anyone else at the moment, but I was helping myself. And that is not all bad. <p>And perhaps that is why the flood gates open on this type of post… it gives every one a chance to vent and say the things they never got a chance to say to the OP in their lives. Very therapeutic.

HI CB,
Just stopping in your thread to wish you and your family Happy Holidays!
I cant be bothered reading those types of threads....a total waste of energy. If the title doesn't keep me away, I usually click back withing the first few lines. Thank goodness for fast back buttons!!!
(((((hugs))))) cl

HI, I did post to that hailey woman, and yes, I am a bit perturbed, maybe it does good to say to her what we think... maybe something will sink into her skull. I do truly feel sorry-but it saddens me to see people of such low moral fiber. I hope something made her think, but you are right, probably not... shes's probably out partying and getting drunk, and ready to get hot with MM. I don't know, but it is sooo sad.

just a thought... maybe it is what I wish someone would say to the ow in my life... I think it does them good to see it... the truth that is, about what they do.

I know...I was just "in a mood"<p>kinda spiteful, in fact...<p>since 'humblefish,' I have rarely responded...<p>only if topic IS NOT about defending affair...

cb,<p>you are so right.<p>I usually never read, much less respond to an OW, just wanted to vent some stema, & what better type of person to let have it.<p>miss your refreshing point of view around here. you always make me laugh. I loved your stories. I am remembering the Jaba the Hut comments & story, & having some giggles need it after having to sit through the very LONG Lord of the Rings with my sons.<p>Happy Holidays.

Nah K, olgjmj is too busy posting on GloryB (TOW Board) ... she's a regular over there.<p>Jo

I started to post but them decided to write a story...... pulled out of that thread and made up my own vent at the OW. <p>See I really needed to vent at the position of an OW. Nameless, faceless, brainless creature. <p>Oh no disrespect intended to an actual person. Just those that carry that title proudly. <p>L.
the hideous W.

I disagree, I think we have to response to it since we don't know the intentions. We might miss the real OP that looking for answer. It might help BS/WS of that OP.<p>I AM GLAD THAT NO ONE REPONSE ANYMORE TO ART VAN ... you know who. His last post saying "stay tuned" but everyone choose to tuned out. LMAO [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Carolina Belle,
I agree with most of what you said. The part where I beg to differ is re: KScarlett. While she opted not to lash me out here "in public" on the MB forum, she did it via personal e-mail. Just thought I would share that... [img]images/icons/wink.gif" border="0[/img] <p>The REAL question is why do single OW post on a marriage building forum at all? I think it is sick curiosity esp. when there seems to be no desire to seek an "ideal" relationship. <p>Gosh, if I had found this site in my "heyday" as a single OW, I must say that with my attitude back then, I wouldn't have cared less about a BS's feelings. So I seriously doubt if the intention is to "help" anyone save their marriage... OW already realize the married person's relationship is in trouble. DUH!<p>It seems to me they mostly just want to let spouses know how in love they are or were with their mates and/or feign genuine concern for hurt feelings... Gimme a break!

But, but, but.....<p>Carolina Belle, are you getting old or mellow or something? You are the absolute queen of venting with colorfull vocabulary. I miss it. [img]images/icons/shocked.gif" border="0[/img]

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by zorweb:
<strong>
And perhaps that is why the flood gates open on this type of post… it gives every one a chance to vent and say the things they never got a chance to say to the OP in their lives. Very therapeutic.</strong><hr></blockquote><p> I think you are probably right. I am past the point where unrepentant OP posts cause me pain, but they do cause me great annoyance (and sometimes amusement). Though I had plenty of unwanted dealings with the xOW, I rarely said much at all to her except things like "leave us alone" "it's over and I'm not interested in anything else you have to say" and ultimately "If you ever make any attempt at contact with us again we will take legal action". She got to say all kinds of horrible things to me but I felt that I needed to maintain my dignity, no matter how much I wanted to scratch her eyes out and call her every name in the book (okay, I did call her a name the very last time we spoke lol). I also remember how horrible I felt when this was all going on, and I so completely empathize with those currently going through it. I can only imagine how much pain these OW attacks cause someone at that stage, and it makes me mad. There are BS here who are at the all time low point of their lives, and they are getting kicked when they are down by OW, and it isn't right.

LOL Lora - Let's just say that I was kind of reprimanded by administrative types about my "colorful" points of view (even though they said that they found them funny, it wasn't "appropriate".) I kind of went postal on some OW that were posting in the P/C forum. [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I'll post more later...