W (WS) is leaving today...she still has some stuff to move out today but will begin spending nights at her ap't. starting tonite--New Year's Eve. This is our second separation...the first came after d-day in February...five months...back home in August, but we did not seem to be making any progress...<p>OM is out of the picture as far as I can tell...that ended in June/July...<p>Anyway, I kind of feel drained right now. Yesterday was not a good day. As much as I wanted to be amicable and helpful...it just wasn't working last night and I kind of broke down. I didn't want to but i did...showed some anger, but mostly just sadness that this is happening to us...but I told W it was the only way I knew to fight for "us"...<p>I still love her very much and want this to work but I also want her to be happy....<p>Anyway: The following is part of a message I had from her this morning:<p> E:
"I really feel this is what I need right now. I need to get out from under everything and see things with a clearer head. I need to understand what being without you really means. And I need to understand if that&#8217;s something I can live with. I want to miss you. I want to want to be with you. But right now, where we&#8217;re at, it just isn&#8217;t coming into focus. I know you don&#8217;t understand any of this. But I am trying to be honest with you about how I feel. No matter what you think, I do love you..." WS<p> So...that's where we are at...any thoughts...<p>Thanks <p>E

I think you need to take it at face value...<p>Something from a lotsva post popped in my head...where her H describes her as 'lotsva' but more... that she was the 'same' but amplified somehow...<p>Go for that Elad ... become Elad "on steroids" [img]images/icons/tongue.gif" border="0[/img] <p>She leaves. You move on ... you become even more YOU...that's who she fell in love with in the beginning ... Plan A... Plan A... Plan A... is for YOU.<p>...and let HER come to you. Some other book I read talked about "The chase." How one person is usually the chaser and the other the chasee... step back... become the chased...<p>She wants to want you...maybe the most loving thing you can do is to give her the time and space she needs . . .<p>Hugz...
Cali

Hi E,<p>I know this is a difficult time for you and although I have no great wisdom to offer just wanted to let you know that I'm thinking of you.<p>I agree with Cali focus on you. Still continue to Plan A become irresistable to her. Be strong my friend I know you will have rough days ahead of you. We will be here for you. Take it one day at a time. <p>Prayers to you,
C

she told you the truth elad, not the whole truth cause it would hurt and is not relevant. She told you the truth about you and her. Let her go, not just physically but psychologically (hard to do), make yourself vulnerable and see what happens.....cali is correct, she needs to chase you, and you need to chased. That cannot work right unless you get on with your life (let her truly go), do you see?

just thoughts coming your way

DEJA VU!! That sounds remarkably like my story and worded almost exactly--"I want to need you, I want to love you , yada yada yada". I was reluctant to let her move out again. She moved out twice in the past year and lived with parents, sister and then came back within a few weeks.<p>WS wanted a 90 day separation. Originally she wanted me to move out of house and I said no way. She got apt and moved out 1 1/2 months ago for the very same reason yours claims.<p>I THOUGHT the A was over, so I was all giddy about Plan A'in, painting the house, keeping busy. But one night about three weeks into it, I felt that something wasn't right. The few times that I had spoken with her she was just too happy and not at all sad or missing. I asked God for a sign, not really thinking if I would get one or not.<p>But alas, the cell bill came in the very next day and to my surprise, WS had been calling him ALL THE TIME. I called her on it. <p>Maybe your WS's A really is over. It would be in your best interest to find out. Cell bills, emails, whatever--be 100% sure. My WS was pretty convincing. We went out the weekend before she was supposed to move out and she was very emotional. SHe cried a lot, but we still made love, which we hadn't done for months.<p>I was snowed. That was why it was so devastating after putting a great effort in thinking she would see everything I had done and get all warm and fuzzy.<p>Good luck--<p>Guido

Well,
At least she gives you some hope. Give her her space...and plan A her.<p>She probably is continuing the affair...usually the excuse for having to have space.<p>Maybe she will realize what she is losing...don't give up hope, but continue on with what is important to you.

Hi guys...<p>Thanks for the responses...I have been away from the board for the past couple of days living my little life on my own. <p>WS did leave on New Year's Eve day and I have had only one very short conversation since then and a couple of brief e-mails. But that's OK, I think. <p>Cali, you said:<p>"She wants to want you...maybe the most loving thing you can do is to give her the time and space she needs . . ."<p>I don't know if it's the most loving thing I can do, but she again has thanked me for giving her space, so I will continue to do that.<p>This is a very fine line to walk between caring yet letting go...but I am trying to let her have her space and continue to work on me....yet still be here with love if she decides that is what she wants.<p>EA d-day was last February, with PA d-day in March. It has been a long struggle but I am still here and it looks like this is gonna be another long haul...but I plan to hang with it as long as I can.<p>Thanks again to all for your support...<p>
E

Elad,
It sounds like you've got a good plan. She wants space, give her space. Plan A if she contacts you, but wait until she does...if she wants to miss you, give her that opportunity.<p>It's a tough spot to be in, but you can do it.