I strongly feel like my husband is having an affair, I have many occasions that would suggest it, but no actual proof. He has told me he wants a divorce, that he does not want to be with me anymore, etc.. He goes through times where he wont come home until very late for a few days, then he will spend a few days at home and act as if all is ok, then get mad, leave and do the same stuff. I know he is unhappy, I am also. I have tried, he has not. He does not want to try to be happy. I am physically, mentaly, (?sp) and emtionally exhausted. I have pretty much stopped trying. I am trying in my own way to deal with all this. My concern right now is if he wants out this bad I just feel like there is someone else. Everything on this site says if a spouse wants out, usually OP is involved.
But he will admit it. WHY NOT? If he wants out thats the sure fire way to get it so why wont he tell me? He says hes buddies with her brother. I think hes crazy. She has a house why doesnt he just move in with her? We live in an apt. have 2 small children, and I hate to change their enviroment like that. It just seems like it would be easier for them to deal with daddy just not being around than a move to a new place and then daddy not be around. Ages are 2 1/2 and 14 months.
I just dont understand. I may be crazy. Or could there be something else involved? Drugs? I do feel this is a possibility. Cant cope nor fight, sorry. Just such strange behavior recently. So do most WS try to hide it? Whats the point if you know the marriage is over anyway? <p>My gut feeling says he's not sleeping with her, but that may be my own way of protecting my feelings. How do I ever know for sure?<p>thanks <p>hdavis

<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by hddavis:
So do most WS try to hide it?<p>some do some dont, whats your point? he isnt acting normally so are you trying to see if he is a normal WS? <p>Whats the point if you know the marriage is over anyway? <p>Maybe just maybe he dosnt "know" that it is over, that it might be saved.<p>You have all but convicted him without hard evidence. would divorce be your responce if he is having an A?<p>there are many here who saved troubled marriages not just ones who had Affiars. <p>my gut feeling says he's not sleeping with her, but that may be my own way of protecting my feelings. How do I ever know for sure?<p>does it matter? to you i mean. i would be much less devistated by my wife sleeping with another man than i would be if she were having an emotional affair thats me whats your deal?<p>is it possible just possible that he is just at his wits end and cant communicate with you for whatever the reason? that he is just lost and cant find his way to you as part of the solution?<p>anyway i guess my point is that you can choose to act as though your ending your marriage because of an affair or act as though your saving it wor whatever the reason. the A if it exist will either die a natural death or you will end the marriage so you want to concentrate on the part that you know about (the trouble in your marriage) or the possibility that the trouble in your marriage includes an affair?<p>id reccomend working on the marriage. coming here is a great start there is lots of great folks and advise.<p>thanks <p>hdavis[/QB]<hr></blockquote>

hddavis --<p>First, welcome to MB! I see that you've just signed up and that this is your first post to us. I'm glad you're here. This is a very smart place to be--many wise and supportive people here just ready and willing to offer their suggestions and advice.<p>Next, I hear you about your H and feel your confusion and frustration. With two very young children and your own welfare to look out for, you've got to keep yourself steady and even and protect your sanity--for them and for you. <p>Who wouldn't be unhappy under those intolerable conditions? You have every right to be! It is certainly possible that your H is having an A (often the reason why the WS "wants out"), or the problem could be drugs (you suspect that as a possibility), or several other things. The point is...there is a major breakdown in communication in your relationship, whatever the cause(s), and that needs addressing immediately. <p>All WSs hide the A (or whatever else the problems are) for as long as possible, blaming everything else (including you or your imagination) for the new behavior except the true cause. If it's an A, then the "fog" has rolled ashore and truth and rationality move out so nothing feels or is right anymore--a nightmare existence. <p>Whether or not your marriage is over remains to be seen. I don't believe that one can foresee that with the fog in place. When it clears (could be a good while), then a more realistic appraisal is possible. In the meantime, what can you do to protect you and your children? You're not crazy and you're not imagining so your stability is vital here and your need to think and act clearly and decisively and rationally, especially if he's not able to.<p>Hang in and stay with us and please post again soon to let us know how you're doing. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.<p>Ammon<p>I agree that moving to a new place would be a

Why don’t they admit it?<p>I asked my H (former WS and 2x BS in previous marriages) this question today. Here is what he said:<p>His response was because they have it made. They have at least two people to meet their needs.. the BS and the OP… One to take care of house and family, the other to make me feel real special. Shoot I’d love that too if it did not hurt so many people. So why would they tell? It would mean they lost at least half of these benefits if not all of them. They do not want to have to choose one or the other, or loose both. It is not in their best interests (according the a selfish mind) to tell.<p>And if the BS finds out, if they do not throw the WS out, then both the BS and the OP are working overtime to make the WS so happy that they will choose them. <p>So they play games, hide the affair, lie, etc to keep their party going. And they never have to stop until there is a consequence to pay. <p>The WS often leave it up to the BS and OP to duke it out. Then they take whichever one is left standing at the end. <p>This is why tough love works. They need reality to hit them square on the head.