Just a question I've been pondering on lately. I do know that my H went to see OW weekend before this one, and I do suspect that OW was here this weekend, but a few things are bothering me. <p>When H and I had our date night last week, I asked if he would ever feel comfortable staying the night again? His response was "Yes. I'm sure I will." this was following by a big smile from him. If things with OW are supposedly so great, why would he say this?<p>Also heard from a mutual friend that H opened a conversation with him last week by saying, "I'm still confused, by the way". The friend responded with something along the lines of "Look. I don't even want to go into this with you because you aren't giving me the full story. Until you can stop living in half-truths, I can't be the friend you need me to be to help you."<p>(fair enough, I say!)<p>Also, just got an email from H saying that his weekend was "crap and stressful". Sounds like he did a lot of laundry and stressing out about tax issues and paperwork. So if OW was there - I mean how exciting can it *be*?<p>He's also being extremely quiet lately. I didn't get the usual rush of panic to speak to me this morning like I usually do on Mondays. This, of course, makes me feel like a sort of "out of sight, out of mind" type thing, which I hate because it feeds my insecurities like a steak to a den of lions. But he said his weekend was horrible? I just don't get it. <p>Guess I'm just wondering if A is either over or on it's way to being over. And if it is, would he tell me? Do WS's tell their BS's immediately when things are done or do they "heal" on their own for a bit before saying anything?<p>Anyone have any answers? Help!<p>VE

VenusE: Here is my two cents:
I think it depends on the person, the length, type and stregth of the A and your marriage. I've read people's stories where the WS has ended it and started recovery on their own. I've also read stories where the WS did not say the A was over because that way they would not feel AS guilty if they started it up again. <p>I personally think its an important step for the WS to tell the BS (AND the OP) that the A is over. It helps create a checkpoint from which to move forward. <p>On that note, I dont know if it is something you want to pressure either. My WW told me when she ended the PA, but after ending communication she waited a little bit (a day) to tell me that in oder to get her emotions in order. She did not want to tell me when she was crying and upset as she knew it would hurt me also.<p>
Well I guess I didnt really answer anything but those are my thoughts on it.<p>Keep breathing, it helps!

** whoops double post**<p>[ January 28, 2002: Message edited by: HangingIn ]</p>

Thank you HanginIn! Much appreciated thoughts!<p>Anyone else?

V<p>My FWH went about a month with the A dying before I knew anything. He did get real depressed and withdrawn and finally did tell me what was going on. <p>I did have to do alot of getting him to talk because he just shut down. I also made him go to the Dr for anti depressents. Which I had been telling him for six months he needed. He finally did and even told the Dr he was having an A.<p>Sounds to me the A is dying. Hang in there. Your time is coming.<p>Stay strong and keep up that Fantastic Plan A you have been doing.<p>The sun will shine on you!<p>
SLH