Talked to W today, she was upset because I didn't want to take some leftovers back to my cave that she offered me last night. I know, a big LB, but I am so angry with her that I don't want anything from her because I question what her motives are, why is she being so nice to me. Yes, not part of Plan A, I'll have to do better.<p>W asked me why I was so angry at her, I told her that its because of everything that has happened, asked her if she really understands what I have lost and the pain and hurt that I am going through. I then told her that right now, I really don't want anything to do with her, that even looking at her is hard for me to do right now. LB?, not sure, just telling her what I am feeling so she understands why I am the acting the way I am.<p>So then we talk about the separation agreement and finances again. I told her that I wont amend the separation agreement, attorney says it looks good for now. W asks me what I mean about "for now". I tell her that in August (when we have to decide if it will be a Dv) is when I will make any changes my attorney recommends. So W says "you really are pushing for this M to end, arent you?" I tell her "No, I just cant live like this forever, I need to move on at some time" LB?, probably since I gave an ultimatum.<p>W then asks if I want to revise the visitation schedule, says she understands how hard it must be to have all 4 in my cave at one time. W tells me that all she needs is one day a week without them all together, basically I can take a couple at a time if I want. I tell her that I cant decide yet, that I have other things going on. W asks me what, so I tell her about me looking for a second job, playing softball, maybe joining Parents Without Partners, attending some church groups, etc., basically getting on with my life.<p>So then she hits me. W says that she was hoping that when the RO is lifted, maybe I can come over for dinner with her and the kids. Originally, I wasn't supposed to have anything to do with W for another 2 mos. I tell her that I'm not sure, that I am still very emotional and don't know if I can handle something like that right now (the truth). W says that maybe in a week or so if I am feeling up to it. I tell her that might be ok, that maybe I can cook on my grill again. W says thats what she was thinking, she knows how much I liked doing that. We talked a little bit more about some activities that the kids have coming up and if I would like to take them, says she doesn't have time to do everything with them. <p>Last night I was ready to give up and tell W no more, I am done with you, and now this. I know that being a good father and domestic support has to be high on W's EN list. Those are 2 EN's that I know I have always been good at meeting. I wonder if the weekend without the kids has made a difference, that she has experienced some lonliness that the separation is bringing. I know that me and the kids had a blast this weekend, did a lot of things that each one liked. When I dropped them off, they all ran inside and told W what a great time they had and all the fun things they did (I made sure I stuck around long enough to hear that!). Guess I need to take it slow and see how things develop.
