hello venus - I been following your story. I have one question; I agree with Kitty and some others here in some ways. You have been doing a very good plan a - but I can follow along on how it's taken a toll and takes a toll out of you. One week up and one down. That is usually what happens when you use manipulative behavior. Another problem is, that say your WS comes home tomorrow and declares his undying love and dedication to you ... would you trust it or would you feel that it's on shaky ground because the past few months have not been honest to how you really feel and how you've been hurt. That hurt isn't going to go away and unless it's delt with will turn into resentment. That's usually where unresolved hurt goes. I don't know if any of this makes sense but all I want to say is .... if it's not ture to you in the most basic sense ... if it's done to get a response ... IT WILL EVENTUALLY BACKFIRE... one way or another. So maybe one way to stay ture to yourself which is what a REAL plan A is all about is to ask yourself ... why am I doing this ... if your answer if pure say if your answer if because I love him and I want to do this for him EVEN if he loves someone else ... then that's not manipulation it pure love ... but if your answer if because you want behavior A from you to lead to behavior B from him you and anyone else on this board who's doing that is only setting yourself up for failure.