Hey Mike. Thanks for the words. Looked at your thread, and yup, we are the same and it does suck! I hear what you're saying about moving on...believe me there are times when it seems so painful, but at other times what you say seems to make perfect sense. But then today W threw a spanner in the works - she e-mailed me. Said it " felt like a million years since she saw me, but I'm at peace with it. I knew in my heart it could never be true for either of us, and I couldn't bring a child into that situation.". Went on to call me darling and said she could barely type because of the tears. Also said we should only communicate through the internet because she couldn't speak to me.<p>So now I'm back to square one, where to go from here, what to do? I hope your situation gets better, because I'm at a loss with mine. Good luck to you - we're walking the same line and I know how gut-wrenching it is.<p>R

Risk,
Did you respond to her e-mail? I have a gut feeling you did. What did you tell her?
I feel for you man. What she wrote you does NOT sound positive at all. I'm sorry. [img]images/icons/frown.gif" border="0[/img]
I wish in the worst way that I could give you some good advice but I'm no professional. When I read some of the posts on here written by individuals that have waited as long as several years to reconcile it blows my mind! The love they have is impressive.
I love my wife more than anyone will ever know. I think about her and the girls every waking moment and I dream about her at night. It's torture.
It's been almost three months and some mornings I wake and reach for her only to find a stupid cat!
I still cry but it's getting better.
My last note to you was what works best for me. I have to let go because I was destroying myself, wallowing in self-pity. I missed a bunch of work and would just sit and watch her and OM in a chat room. NO MORE!
I'm leaving a door open for her but I seriously doubt she will ever come back. You have to know her. She's hardheaded and sticks by her decisions even if she knows they're wrong.
I've also come to accept that I'll never know the answers to many of my questions.
I apologize if this sounds bleak but it is for me.
I have to do this for my emotional stability. I need to carry on, after all, she is.
Your wife sounds a lot like mine. I hope I'm wrong for your sake, Risk. Don't let her play with your mind, okay?
Take Care,
Mike

Hey Mike. No, I didn't respond to her e-mail, I was going to wait a few days, I thought I saw a glimmer of light.... Then this morning the bomb dropped - I got D papers through the mail!! She's filing on grounds of unreasonable behaviour. Trouble is most of it is rubbish, or so minor that I can't believe she's even put it down on paper. I simply don't know what to do - do I just sign and agree and let that be the end of it all (even though she doesn't really have grounds for D), or do I contest for my own sanity, and also my deep held belief in the sanctity of marriage? I'm totally lost. I feel for you, our W's sound exactly the same, and the pain is so deep it goes all the way to the soul. Thanks for the words and good luck to you.<p>R

Risk,
Sorry about the papers. I really think she's serious as is my wife.
When she left I didn't know about the affair. I felt so bad that I had let her down. She made me feel like the bad guy, the cause of it all. I agreed to a lot of things including paying for a divorce.
Once I discovered the cheating my heart has turned. I decided if she wants a divorce she's going to have to do it to me and pay for it herself. She knows that but so far no word.
Looks like your wife is one step ahead of mine in this department.
I don't know what to tell you. This is one of the biggest decisions you will ever make. It sounds like she's gone off the deep end like my wife.
I just know that prolonging this has hurt me too badly. If papers come today I really don't know what I'd do. That's a very tough question. Like you I still love my wife, but for me, I'd probably sign them and be done with it. That's not advice, that's just what I think I will do if and when the day comes.
I hate being in limbo like this while she's out having a blast. (And having sex , that haunts me like you wouldn't believe!) Well, actually, I guess you do. Terrible feeling isn't it?
Sorry I've sounded so negative, and believe me I wish you the best but I think we're both screwed.<p>I'm just trying to be realistic. If our wives had even the least bit of respect or love for us they would try to work things out. At least make an attempt.
Yours did, for a short period of time. Mine has not. You may still have a chance, but I've found that abscence does not always make the heart grow fonder, especially when there is someone else involved in the equation.
On a lighter note (for once) I live in Ohio and it's freeking cold! I took today off because the furnace went out last night and am waiting on the repairman. Hey, maybe it will be a woman [img]images/icons/smile.gif" border="0[/img]
Anyway, I don't know if anything I've said here helps you or not but I tried. It's still amazing how similar our situations are. I feel for you .
Time to shovel snow. AAARRRGGGHHH!!!
Mike

Risk,
One more similarity. My wife stated many trivial reasons for leaving as well. Like slapping my hand on the table when arguments between the girls got out of hand. (Ages 11 and 5) Just to get their attention. Geez, it was the table, not the kids. Go figure.
Best Wishes,
Mike

Hi everyone, It's been almost two weeks since I last posted, needed to just clear my head. What a confusing two weeks it's been!!<p>I'd e-mailed W a couple of times asking her to call me as I needed to speak to her. Then out of the blue she called last sunday. It was a little difficult for the first few minutes, but we ended up having a nice conversation for an hour and a half. I told her I needed a favor from her which would mean delaying the D. She said no problem, she'd be happy to do that for me (she knows how important it is). Said she'd been in hurry to get a D, but now, although she still definately wanted one, was no longer in any hurry. We both decided we would save on lawyers fee's and when the time came, do the D ourselves. She was going to call off her lawyer the next day and stop the D, and also send me her contact details. Everytime we talked about the R and how she left, she would start crying - so we stayed away from those subjects, and just had a nice conversation catching up.<p>Well, that was a week ago and I haven't heard another word from her. She hasn't told her lawyer to stop, and hasn't sent me any of her details. She know's how important this is, but she won't reply to my e-mails. I'm sure it's because of her family, they would have told her to not be weak, go ahead with the D, and not to contact me.<p>I simply don't know what to do, I'm tired of this roller coaster and I want to get off....<p>Anyone got any ideas as to what might be going on??<p>R

Risk,
Only she knows. I've been reading and talking here plus going to counseling and have learned that you can not control what she does. You can better yourself.
Not to say you are bad in any way. I truly don't believe you are. If you were you wouldn't be here.
I'm pulling for you mate!
Wishing luck for us both. Good to see you again!<p>Mike

Hey MIke. Just a quick note, as I'm away on business for a week. How are things with you? Thanks for the advise. I will get through this, it's just her actions seem so hurtful right now - it doesn't have to be this way.<p>Hope all is well with you. Good luck.<p>R<p>p.s. was the repairman a woman??? [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img]

Hi Risk!
Things aren't going well at all for me right now. I had an e-mail "conversation" with W yesterday and it was NOT pleasant. Then she left me a voicemail that was quite hateful. First time I've heard her voice since January. She's totally lost, I think. Doesn't know what she wants. Her A is over from what I can tell....but now she's with someone else! A#2! I'm just numb. This is not the woman I married.
Other than that I'm doing well, really. She's already hurt me as much as she possibly could so I'm living for me now.
You sound a lot better yourself. That's great! Life does go on and, yes, it doesn't have to be like this. Unfortunately it is. We'll be okay.<p>The repairman was a man [img]images/icons/rolleyes.gif" border="0[/img] <p>Take care of yourself,<p>Mike