<blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Arial">quote:</font><hr>Originally posted by GenevieveM:
<strong>BTDT, thank you...your words gave me some encouragement but it is very very hard and i am not saying that its supposed to be easy either....<p>As i am writing this i feel so helpless and i still feel that i have to DO something somehow even though i am going absolutely crazy not knowing what it is right now....i know he is slowly trying to rebuild his trust in me but its getting to a point where we will be watching a movie together (or trying to), which we try and do every other night now, something we always do whenever we are together, and i will see him breaking down silently or he will be looking somewhere else in deep thought....<p>I dont expect everything to go away right away nor do i expect him to trust me this very minute or bcos i have been doing my best with being honest with him esp since we have had time apart these few days....but the quality time that we once cherished are now spent in silence and when there is a scene on tv or words being spoken that have any relevance on whats happened to us or how we used to be, i see that it triggered something off.....<p>I am sorry to sound like i am rambling but i really wish i knew what to do right now....i am physically and mentally tired, as i am sure he is 10 times more, but i really am trying and although i may not exactly have the right words or moves sometimes, i know deep down that i can never hurt this man again....no one should go through so much pain over love and thats coming from someone who never knew what love really was.....</strong><hr></blockquote><p>I posted the thread above a few days ago and i was hoping that i would get more advice on what i should be doing apart from the obvious.....<p>I also thought i mention that my H and i had a really good night last night....we hung out, played some pool and watched a movie and got totally hammered! I know that alcohol is a depressant and should not be part of the healing process esp whilst we are trying to rebuild and recover...but you have to understand that he is my drinking buddy and i am his and that has always been something special that we share....now for those of you who think that we are alcoholics, please be rest assured that we drink moderately and for the first time in the past few stressful weeks, we were laughing and enjoying each other's company....been so long since i heard his laughter! [img]images/icons/grin.gif" border="0[/img] <p>I know that it does not still take away the fact of what has happened and that there is still lots of work to be done towards recovering but i feel that we are on the right track....but thats just how i feel and i am voicing them out....then again might be too naive of me to base my feelings on one good night together...someone said to me in a post..."think about how it was 10 days ago" and she was right, 10days ago, we had more pain and more tears and at that point i was still lying to him....now i have been putting a little time to myself everyday, i am back on Prozac and i am also feeling better about myself.... maybe that will show him that i want to be a better person and that with me being happy with myself, he will see that i am happy with the new me...<p>any thoughts?
