Wh came over tonight to eat Chinese food with me and to watch movies. We had a nice evening until it came time to watch movies. I did not sit next to him on the couch. After we watched the hockey game for awhile we were going to watch movies. When the hockey game ended he said he was tired and got up and left!! It was only 8 p.m.
I do not know for sure why he was annoyed with me but I think it is because I did not sit next to him. I sat on a different chair. He suggested that we watch movies in the bedroom because that's where the VCR was already hooked up. I went and took it out of the bedroom and brought it to the family room. I had posted earlier that I wasn't going to be available to him sexually and I meant it.<p>Let him be mad! He wanted to move out of here! If he wants sex he can go to his OW!! I'm not sharing him!!<p>Please. I need affermations here! I imagine he'll be cold to me next time he sees me. Any ideas on how to handle him? Should I continue on pleasantly as if it never happened or should I bring it up with him? I know I will NOT go running after him to try to make things all better for him!
This was not an LB-I was pleasant all evening. I was just standing my ground.

Maezy,<p>You did what is best for you. It's your boundary, and you did the right thing. I'm sure he was dissapointed, expecting SF and all. I wouldn't worry so much about your next interaction with him. If anything Hon, he will feel respect for you sticking to being true to yourself.<p>I would really like to see a WS (preferably male) respond to this. I'd like to see what their thoughts would be if their BS enforced this boundary.<p>Best,
Jo

One additional thought, Maezy. Do you think it would be a good idea to explain to him why you won't be sexually available to him?<p>I believe you should. <p>Jo

Thanks for being there again Resilient. Your support to me and others here does not go unnoticed. I needed that.

Resilient-
I told WH when he moved out after a week and a half reconsiliation, that if he moved out our relationship would not be sexual. I don't think I need to say much more.

Okay .. good, and I agree.<p>Jo

Maezy,<p>
Good for you. You did what you determined was right for you. He may or may not like it, but I agree, he will respect you.<p>SF doesn't guarantee that he will stay, or come back, or that it will heal the M.... You have to do what you feel is right.<p>Here's what Steve Harley said to me about the same situation that you are in - should I tell my WH that I don't feel right having SF with him right now, while he is/was with another(s)?<p>Steve suggested saying I didn't feel connected right now, that I hope to re-establish that part of our R....<p>Hope this helps....<p>God Bless

Good job keeping your boundary. It makes perfect sense to me, if he sees it differently....he's being very selfish!

Maezy<<p>Doing what you need to do for you is extremely important..what is just as important is making sure that the meaning behind those actions are clear...<p>You are angry and hurt and I want to totally validate those feelings..what can be tricky here but is important is the meaning and reason of with-holding SF...(which let me say again is a good thing if that's what you feel you need to do.)<p>If you want to punish him with the with-holding of sf that's one thing...but if what you want to do is to communicate that you need to have all of those other things in place for sf to have the meaning that it has for you...then you may want to approach it differently...<p>again just some suggestions...
You yourself called it a date...so do some date like things/interactions...sit next to him...communicate that you value him outside of realm of just sex...and lead him down that path of enjoying eachothers company..just as people who are dating and NOT having sex do...this is not meant to tell you were wrong..please don't misunderstand me...
Take the opportunity when he wants to watch tv in the bedroom that you don't feel comfortable in that room with him now..that you don't feel ____or ________ enough but are hopeful to work with him on that so that you can want to be there....<p>Not being available sexually does not mean not being available emotionally...(unless that's what you want)...sex always starts in the brain...<p>The other thing is that don't hand him the loaded gun to casue arguements/conflict...don't let him use this against you by accusing you of not liking/wanting/caring/being cold/fill in emotion here___________---by using your own actions against him......don't be accused that he is trying and your not...
If you care about him show him...every way but sexually...
Show him that people can be tender, caring, connected, and that it all has nothing to do with sex...and hopefully make him slowly come to realize what he put in jeopardy to lose...
remind him of what you two had ...and show him where you can get together...be good to you...be good to him...<p>peace to you and your home maezy
ARK

Maezy!!!
I am so proud of you. It must have been hard not to cave in. Didnt he think he was being so suave saying lets watch it in the bedroom.... You are so strong - went and got the VCR -YES!
Maybe you should leave it in the den as a subliminal message.
Keep your boundaries, he will probably be pissy and try to get you to cave in one more time before he respects you. Be on the lookout.

{{{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}<p>
You done good, what was good for you. Nothing more for me to say as the others are doing a great job!!