Wow I'm overwhelmed with the thougth that there are others out there feeling as I do about saving their marriage. I have been given many signs in my life over this I will share them with you now, sorry it's a long one...
My H and I married on June 28 1992, wow ten years ago! He started the A's in around '94/95, not really sure, just noticed some changes then. He was pullling away from me. Well, I found out about his affair in Feb 95, we decided we were going to try to make it work, I was willing to forgive him, and start fresh. Well it didn't take more than a week, I felt him pulling away again. She was still working with him, if I could have kept him at home, I'm sure we would have gotten it together, but that wasn't the case. The devil got his way, and the behaviour continued. In March he told me that he never loved me and that he was no longer attracted to me, it was absolutely heart shattering. As you well know, that time was devisting, I recall one night when I got home late from a gig (singing engagement) about 2 am, he sat up from his sleep and started to mock me, and all that we used to believe in.
We both used to believe that God put us together, and he would tell you so, but since his sin, he obviously couldn't acknowledge God anymore, or he would have to face his wrongdoing. When I realized that he was getting agitated at any mention of the Lord, I stopped discussing it altogether, as I knew it would only give him an excuse to fight with me. Well getting back to that night, he was mocking all we believed in, and I recall going to bed that night, crying my heart out. I cried out to God, "You can't change him, his heart is so hard." I cried myself to sleep.... The next morning, after he had gone to work, I got up and read my bible, I was led to read this passage....
EZE 36:24 " `For I will take you out of the nations; I will gather you from all the countries and bring you back into your own land. I will sprinkle clean water on you, and you will be clean; I will cleanse you from all your impurities and from all your idols. I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.
Well the heart of stone will be turned to a heart of flesh, wow, I just cried. For the first time, I realized that God had just spoken to me.... I just sobbed. Not more than 20 minutes after I read that, I turned on the radio, and there was a program on Focus on the Family, the speaker was giving his testimony, it was like listening to my H's story... when suddenly the man said, "and then God took my heart of stone, and turned it into a heart of flesh" Wow another gush of sobs, the Lord had just confirmed to me His first promise to me, it was awesome. Lots happened in between this time and the one I am about to share with you next, God had so many things come about to give me hope, it kept me going for so long (and still does). The whole summer went by, and in Nov of that year, WH left. He had met another woman, someone from his past, and followed that path. Of course I was devistated that he actually left, but I knew what the Lord had promised, and had to hang on to Him. The following Jan. it was actually the 12th, I remember it well, I had just turned 40 a week earlier, and had not seen H since he left. The morning of the 12th I awoke to some very strong winds, 90km per hour, not sure what it would be in miles, maybe 65 or 70? Anyway they didn't let up all day. I had received a phone call from a friend who told me she met the OW, said she reminded her alot of me. (Kinda made me feel a little better) Well I had decided that he needed to find out what he was missing in me, and maybe this was the only way, so I accepted it, and went on with my day, only to hear from another friend that he was seen with another one the week before. Well I still thought, okay it may take him some time, I still was ok, until that evening. I went outside, I have a spot that I go to pray, right by the well, the wind was blowing so hard, I had my hood up, and the wind was blowing against my back, I sat there and cried out to the Lord, "I can't even remember your promises Lord, I don't get this, If he is never coming back, I'll accept it if it is from You, I won't like it, but I will accept it. But Lord I need to know, If he is coming back, show me a sign, I want to see a shooting star!" Well I sat there bawling and looking up, the wind just blowing me over, waiting, arms folded, waiting to see my shooting star... suddenly the wind stopped dead still........ I heard the Lord speak to me in my spirit, saying "My sign, not yours, My time, not yours" I sobbed more, and knew that the Lord had truly spoken. He stopped the wind for me, amazing. That was a friday, and on the Sunday in church, the first words out of the pastors mouth were, "I will take your heart of stone, and turn it into a heart of flesh" WOW not only did He stop the wind, but reminded me of His promise to me.
Am I to believe God or man? God of course
As well as the Lord giving me dreams throughout the years, I am, stillwaiting....
